Insecure✅

Twenty-Three

Kenzie's P.O.V

I did hear what Johnny's sister, Lauren, said about me. 

Did it bother me? Yes. 

A lot? Yup. 

Do I wish she liked me? Absolutely. 

What did I do about it? Cry. And Ignore. 

That's why when Johnny came into the kitchen I busied myself by cooking.

I won't let it bother me, I repeated multiple times. 

Don't show weakness. 

Most of all, do NOT cut yourself. 

Remember, you and Johnny have been more intimate lately. Imagine him finding your cuts. 

She just doesn't know you well. Don't think anything more than it is. I tried assuring myself. 

As I finished eating a sandwich I made myself, which contained eggs, tomatoes, lettuce, turkey, and mayonnaise, I ran upstairs to shower when I heard Johnny showering, a though came to mind. 

As I heard him finish showering I pushed him up against the wall and kissed him, everywhere.

I needed to forget.

He was like a drug.

I was the addict.

He was the easel.

I was the paint.

He was my drug.

And I never want to stop taking him in.

He devoured me.

He made me feel so damn wanted.

He made me feel hot and sexy.

He made me me.

No, I honestly don't believe in that saying that you can't find love without loving yourself. Because, what's the point of loving yourself if everyone hates it? I've loved Johnny ever since the time I've laid my eyes on him. And I haven't stopped not loving myself since then. I've said it before, I'll say it again, he deserves someone better than me. Someone so much better. 

When we get back to L.A I'm letting him go. 

I'm going to allow him to find love with someone better. 

Someone who isn't me. 

Someone who'll make him happy. 

Someone who he wouldn't have to worry about. 

I thought of letting him go now, but he didn't need the worry or problem, when visiting his family.

Johnny went downstairs after he got dressed, he wanted to talk to his mom.

I went and showered and washed my hair. I used a shampoo I bought before coming here the scent was strawberry and apples and honestly pure bless! It smells so amazing. I then got a body wash wish was in vanilla scent. Natural. I finished and started drying myself with the towel and then tied the towel around my hair.

I looked at my bare self in the mirror. You're worthless. Look at you so ugly. So fat. All of it means nothing. Nothing to him. I traced my fingers over the scars inside my thighs. Disgusting. Weak. I chimed back my tears with my hand. I tried to calm down, but it was so damn hard. My conscious has been right all along. I don't deserve him. No, I deserve less. And he deserves more.

Going over to Johnny's room I squatted down and got the clothes that were first there. A white tank top, black skinny ripped jeans, some black socks, and white Vans. I also grabbed my makeup palettes and everything I need to cover up my face.

I used foundation, powder, concealer, highlighter, blush, eyebrows, mascara, and to top it all of I used red lipstick.

I put on a bracelet that looks like from Pandora but it isn't, it says world's greatest girlfriend in the heart charm. I wore some hoop earrings because those are the only ones I like, and I wore a couple of rings.

I grabbed my hairbrush and started brushing my hair, I then applied coconut oil, because bless this thing, it makes my hair look so damn good, and I made my hair into two ponytails.

I grabbed my phone, earbuds, some cash, and went downstairs with the others. I found Johnny sitting on the couch in the living room and went to sit next to him, but when I tried to Lauren went and sat on that seat. Ugh.

But Johnny didn't think too much of that, he pulled me down to sit on his laps and rubbed my thigh while on his phone.

"Johnny?" I learned back to whisper in his ear.

"Hmm?"

"Do you love me?"

"Freaking hell, Mackenzie. Of course I love you. You make me so happy!" He threw his phone down and grabbed my face in between his hands. He kissed my forehead, and whispered

"Don't ever doubt my love for you."

"Okay," I softly whispered.

"Come ere'." He hugged me, my arms around his waist, my head on his chest, his face on my neck. 

"Freaking beautiful," He whispered, goosebumps rose. 

"Alright everyone, let's go!" Meredith yelled.

"John and Mackenzie will come with Dale and I. Everyone else in your cars or car pool I don't know," 

"Your dad's here?" I asked him. 

"I don't know." 

We've been driving for 5 minutes now and let me tell you it is so awkward. Especially because of Johnny and Dale. 

"So, sweetheart, how'd you manage to stay with a guy like John?" Dale asks.

"Oh, umm I mean I love him, he has always been there for me, and he always makes me feel good about myself, he treats me like a queen. Yeah, he's amazing." I look at him, my eyes in awe.

His thumb rubs my hand, allowing me to breathe.

He scoffs, "Boy, knows nothing on how to treat a woman."

John's gripped tightened.

"With all due respect Mr.Orlando, whether you like it or not we won't break up. You can't separate us. Whatever hurts him, hurts me, vice versa. He has always been there for me I will always be there for him." I replied, growing angrier by the second.

"Whatever."

I learned my head on Johnny's shoulder trying to cherish the moment.

"I love you, Johnny." I kiss his shoulder.

"I love you, babygirl." He kissed my forehead.

Hi loves! Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslim readers. I love you all! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Love, Zoey! ❤

Word Count: 1005