Photograph [l.g]

43- I'm a Fucking Mess

[The 1975 - What Makes You Beautiful (BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge)]
[Sleeping at Last - Already Gone]
[Lauren Daigle - You Say]
[Boyz II Men - End of the Road]

**Luna's POV**

I tapped my foot nervously while waiting outside for Lip, leaning against a tree near the college building.

It was currently 9:43 am and Lip had not yet returned from his meeting. Is that a good sign? Or is it bad?

Restlessly, I kept checking my phone or fidgeting with my jacket. Whatever I did, I couldn't calm my nerves. It felt as if I was in there instead of Lip.

The occasional person strolled past. They didn't have a care in the world and oh how I wished I could be that naïve. Instead, I felt sick waiting for Lips fate.

Another ten minutes passed until Lip finally walked out of the big oak double doors and down the stairs. By seeing him, I lost all inhibitions and ran to meet him, almost suffocating him with a hug.

He took a few steps back in surprise but soon melted into the hug. Letting out a loud sigh, I felt his warm and shallow breath on my neck.

"So, what did they say?" I asked, pulling away from him.

This was the first time I had ever seen Lip look completely nervous. He was a pale shade and I could see the little beads of sweat which rested on his forehead.

He ran his fingers through his hair nervously, "I'm not being expelled exactly"

"That's good isn't it? But wait, what do you mean exactly?" I questioned with furrowed eyebrows.

"They're suspending me b-" he started but was cut off.

"Well that's good! Suspension is not expulsion, you can just go home, spend some time with family an-"

"No, Luna, you don't understand, I'm being suspended and they're not pressing charges under one condition" he explained, "I complete a rehab programme for my drinking"

"Rehab? You don't need rehab. Do you?"

"Fuck, I don't know" he sighed, sinking on the final step, "probably, when we broke up I couldn't go through a day by being sober"

I joined Lip on the step, resting my knee on his. Rehab was a big deal. I had been trying to encourage my mother to go for years with no such luck.

"But you're sober now" I pointed out.

"Yeah and all I want to do is find a liquor store and drink it" he said, running a finger through his unruly hair.

"But you don't need rehab, I can help you, I got my mom through her addiction, I bet I can get you through yours"

I took his hand in mine, giving them a reassuring squeeze. I was trying to be as calm as I could but I didn't know how well it was working.

"No Luna" he said, dropping my hands, "it's not like that. I'm damaged, it runs in the fucking family, I don't know how it's taken me this long to finally break"

"So what are you going to do? Just leave?"

"I think I have to"

My brain was going a mile a minute. I wanted to cry, throw up, run away or all three, I don't mind which order. He's leaving? To rehab? How long even is a rehab programme? I doubt it will be a quick week in a special facility in the mountains like you see in the films.

"So what does this mean for us?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

This time, it was Lips turn to take my hands into his. He entwined our fingers and we sat there for a few silent moments.

"I don't know" he sighed after a while, "I don't just want you to sit here and wait for me, college has been a bit shit for you and I want you to have a good time"

"What if I don't want to? Why can't I wait for you? I can visit, can't I?"

"Ugh, I don't know, it's a fucking mess, I'm a fucking mess"

I leaned my head on his shoulder and he placed his head on mine. Why couldn't we just stay like this forever? Why did we have to leave?

After what felt like only a few seconds, Lip lifted his head and stood up. He gave me his hand and pulled me up with him.

"When do you have to leave?" I asked, fearing the worst. I looked up at him, mirroring the sadness in his eyes, I'm sure.

"As soon as really, I'm sorry this didn't work out better Luna" Lip apologised, looking down with an element of sadness in his eyes.

"Hey, it's not exactly like you're dying" I reassured him, trying to be optimistic, "I can still come visit and you won't be in there forever"

However, I didn't know how much I believed myself. I wanted to remain strong for Lip because I knew that, even though he wasn't showing it, he would be devastated inside.

"Come on, we still have a bit of time together while you pack" I pointed out, taking his hand.

We walked together towards his dorm in silence, just taking in each other's presence.

***********
An hour and a half later, we were stood by the entrance of the college. Lip had packed his belongings into a black duffel bag. I never realised how little belongings he had.

The Board had informed Lip that he was to get a taxi cab to the rehab centre. He was to go there for as long as he needs until the programme was finished and once he completed it, he could come back and pick up his education again if he wishes.

I had been quiet while Lip packed, simply watching Lip as if this was the last time I would see him.

A yellow taxi pulled up outside the University entrance and stopped in front of Lip and I.

Lip threw his duffel bag into the back seat and mumbled something to the driver.

He stood in front of me and looked at me for a few moments.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I looked up at Lip. He lifted his hand to cup my cheek and wiped it away with his thumb.

We didn't move for a few moments and just stared into each other's eyes, only breaking eye contact when Lip leaned down to kiss me. It was slow and sweet, desperation clear within the both of us. This would be the last time for a while.

Once we broke the kiss Lip whispered, "I have to go"

"I know" I replied, matching his quiet voice.

"Come on, I'm gonna' see you again" he said with a forced smile, taking a step back closer to the cab.

"I know but... when you get out, promise you'll call me. Okay?"

He opened the taxi door and took one last look at me.

"You'll be my first call" he promised before crouching into the car.

I watched as it drove off until the cab simply became a small yellow dot in the distance and then disappeared and Lip was gone with it.

I sighed, finally being able to move my feet after feeling like they had been glued to the sidewalk.

Simply mumbling, "I need a drink" before making my way back onto the campus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
omg it's over! but i feel like i have some explaining to do. i'm really sorry this chapter took so long to be up, i kinda forgot oops but here ya go finally a new and final chapter.

now a lot of the comments have made me aware of the *ahem* many mistakes and plot holes and whatever in this fic so i will go back and edit the chapters. i'll make a note of what chapters are edited. cool? okay

and also if you want a sequel to this, i have some ideas just let me know by commenting or sending me a messages. or you can follow me if you want to know about any other fics i right in the future.

thanks for reading everyone and keep an eye out for the edited chapters. x