If I Lie : Book 2

19. Where Was Your God?

As "Pruhmissed", ya filthy animals. BTW, who lives in Philadelphia?

This is a short chapter by the way or it feels that way to me. Comment and tell me how your week is going. 

Ashley POV

After checking into The W, I asked the desk clerk what was the best place to go out and party at, as well as a place that was relaxed, serving food and good drinks. She told me the best place was at least three miles North from the hotel. 

I was already dressed. I looked more than just good, I was perfect. I am also just a little bit tipsy, I drank a mini bottle on the plane. "thanks." I told her. My car had already been waiting outside and because I knew I wasn't going to want to drive after leaving I paid someone in advance for the whole night and into the morning to do the job. This required them not having a wink of sleep on the job. 

I put my coat on, indulging all it's fur and felt so fucking fancy and . . . unmarried. It was a relief to me to feel single, feel like someone different, a party girl. So much younger. The girl I was before meeting Eliza. "Mrs. Robinson, good evening," the young man held the door open for me. 

"Black," I spat. The man had raised his eyebrows and shifted uncomfortably in his stance. "it is Ms. Black, tonight."

He curtly nodded. "yes Ms. Black,"

I smiled at him a little before dipping into the car and clutching onto my purse. A said a silent prayer that maybe tonight, just tonight I would get lucky or someone would distract me for a while. I scroll through my phone while the young man began to drive on the road. I thought about the kids but I didn't want to call them while tipsy. I wanted to talk to Joss as well and see how she was holding out but what kind of person would I be to myself if I was calling about the children only after leaving California for two hours? So I just texted her:

How are you and the hubby? 

Joss was quick to answer, I had my eyes on the screen. Gawking at the three little dots going up and down. We're good, every kill together is better than the last. But I know what you're really asking about. The kids are alright. Alan is making Rice Krispie treats with them while I melt the chocolate. We made enough for you too. I love you, my stick in the mud sister.

I chuckle to myself. I love you too, you cold-blooded thing. 

Then I had the nerve to do something else. Something quite ridiculous. 

The line rang twice, it was quick for someone who was shortly estranged from me. "Ashley," she answered. Her still rang in my ears like sweet symphonies. 

"I hate you." I told her. "why are things like this?" I ask. 

I could hear my wife sigh over the phone. "I don't know but I need you to understand that I will explain things when I get home, I am coming home now but I understand you don't want me near the kids without you there. I'll stay at the hotel nearby."

"I see." 

"I am sorry we lost the baby, I always have been but I've coped with it differently."

"I know." she was my daughter. Eliza didn't have to carry her for eight months. She didn't know what it meant to carry a life so delicate all to see it wither away inside of you, push that life out and fall in love but also blame yourself for not being better. 

"I love you. I love you so much and for every little-damned thing I did wrong, I don't expect you to forgive me but all to know is that you can have everything from me. I'll give it if it kills me."