He crawled his way into the back on my mind, invading my thoughts constantly. When he left i was hopeless, he was everything to me. He was my best friend, he was the only one I truly cared about, I loved him. I was young and didn't know what i was getting myself into, I didn't get myself into anything actually. No, I'd be lying if I said that, I did get myself into something, but it wasn't what I thought it was. What i got myself into was a huge, self-dug ditch. He didn't love me, he never looked at me the way i looked at him. I did everything for him, I was everything for him, I answered whenever he called, responded to every text right away, but he didn't bother lifting a single finger for me. Maybe I was too desperate, maybe I wanted him to love me back, maybe I wanted him to care about me as much as i cared about him. Do i still care?
I shouldn't.
He's gone
He's not coming back.
Because he doesn't care enough to.
He hates it here and so do i.
We were suppose to leave together,
That was our plan,
To be best friends forever,
But he's gone
And he's not coming back.
What sickens me the most to say is, that if he were to come back right now and pretend like he never left, pretend like nothing was wrong, I would do the same. If he were to come back though, i know he wouldn't come back to me, he'd go back to her, and I'd let him. I want to find where every he is and slam on his door, demanding he let me in, just so I can slap him across the face and scream at him, because we were suppose to leave together, but he just left me. He left me alone, and he's never known what alone feels like, because he's always had me, along with everyone else. He's doesn't know how painful being alone is, he doesn't know how painful starting over feels. Thats basically what i had to do, I had to start over without him.Thats exactly why i want to scream at him, I want him to know how bad he made me feel, I want him to know what I had to go through without him, and how hard it was. The sad part is he wouldn't care, because he never truly cared about me.
Maybe thats my problem. I care too much about people that never care about me. I'd like to think that at one point maybe he cared, maybe in the beginning when the friendship was still fresh. We were always together, always partners in class, we were known as best friends, but our teacher thought we would grow up to be more, and thats what i thought too, it was what everyone believed. "Keep acting that way and you wont have a date for prom" our teacher joked, and it always gave me a little hope, would i go to prom with the boy standing in front of me? It was all i hoped for. But little did I know, He'd be long gone before then, and little did i know, that a strong hatred towards me would stir inside him and end up being real.
What did i do? He never told me, he just dropped me. He did it slowly but in an extremely noticeable way, i knew it was going to happen and i wasn't prepared to lose him. Thats when i was in denial, i was so desperate for his attention because he gave it out to everyone other then me. I wouldn't let myself believe he hated me. I think that's what made him hate me more. What makes me hate me more, is i always think about calling or texting him. I know ill get the same message each time, "who is this", and each time pains me more then the next. Why do i put myself threw that pain?
He doesn't care
He's gone
And way past moved on.
