Poison

Chapter Seven

‼️Physical abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, offensive slurs throughout‼️
(This whole chapter is basically a lot of gore and suicidal thoughts, sorry)

Despite his talk with Jefferson a few nights ago, Hamilton found himself at Laurens's dorm room again. Laurens has Hamilton pinned to the couch, tenderly kissing him. These were the moments Hamilton loved with Laurens. This was the Laurens he loved. Laurens's hands traveled down Hamilton's sides and rested at his stomach, which was only getting bigger as time went on. Laurens pulled away and scowled.

⚠️PA⚠️

"Maybe it's time we start working out," Laurens purred, gripping Hamilton's stomach tightly, causing Hamilton to grunt in pain.

"I don't think that's a very good idea," Hamilton mumbled, shifting to where the pain was more bearable.

"And why's that?" Laurens growled, his mouth next to Hamilton's ear.

Hamilton shivered. He was going to do this. He took in a deep breath. "I'm pregnant," he whispered.

Laurens shot up, surprised. Hamilton flinched when Laurens slapped his face. "No!" Laurens yelled. Laurens got off Hamilton and paced around the room. "No no no no no! You can't be pregnant!" He turned on Hamilton, who was now sitting up. "Get an abortion now!"

"John..." Hamilton said quietly. "I want to keep it."

"Absolutely not! That's completely out of the question! We're college students, there's no way you can have a baby!"

"But, John, it's our baby, don't you want to start a family?" Hamilton pleaded. He desperately yearned for Laurens to say yes. To smile and say he was excited to start a family with Hamilton and their unborn child. Then things could finally be ok.

Instead, Laurens punched Hamilton, causing a surprised yelp to escape his mouth. "Why would I ever want to have a baby with a worthless tranny like you!?" Laurens yelled in Hamilton's face. Tears sprung to Hamilton's eyes as he pushed Laurens away from him. Laurens stumbles backwards, and Hamilton gasped. He has never hurt Laurens before.

"John, I-I'm so-"

"Get the hell out of my dorm," Laurens growled, standing up from the floor. "Now!" Hamilton flinched but nodded, quickly getting off the couch and running out of the dorm until he couldn't run anymore.

⚠️SH⚠️

Hamilton stopped where he was to catch his breath, which happened to be the park. He sat on a bench until he decided to head back to the dorm. He opened the door to the empty dorm, throwing his keys on the counter. He went into the bathroom and locked the door, pulled out a razor from the cabinet, and rolled up his sleeves. He took a deep breath and pressed the cold blade against his skin. He smiled and welcomed the blood that rushed to the surface of his arm when he pushed down. He continued marking his arm, blood pooling around him on the floor. He began listing his flaws, making sure to mark for every time someone or himself noticed them.

Tranny.
Fat.
Whore.
Attention seeking.
Disgrace.
Stupid.
Waste of space.
Bitch.
Girl.
Not a real boy.

His eyes teared up and his vision started going black.

Worthless.

⚠️ST⚠️

He made sure to cut multiple times for that one. Because it was true. He really was worthless. The only person who loved him had just turned him away. He stared at the bloodied blade. He could end it. He should end it. He held it up to his neck. Just end it. No one will miss you. End it.

Before he could, he heard the door open and Jefferson announce that he was back. Hamilton dropped the blade and dropped to the floor, a strangled sob escaping his mouth and turning into an ugly, gut wrenching scream.

"Hamilton?" Jefferson asked, right outside the door. "Hey, are you okay? Can I come in?" Jefferson added after a moment of hesitation.

Hamilton just reached up and unlocked the door. Jefferson opened the door and gasped at all the blood on the counter and floor. Hamilton just sat curled up in a ball in the corner. "Hamilton?" Jefferson gently sat beside Hamilton. "Do you need a hug?" Hamilton nodded and Jefferson gently wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulling him closer.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. "I'm going to get a kit to clean you up, ok?" Hamilton nodded, and Jefferson slowly got up, getting supplies out of the cabinet. He cleaned the counter, then sat Hamilton on it. "Do you want to talk about it?" Jefferson asked gently as he began addressing the wounds.

He wasn't expecting an answer, so he was surprised when Hamilton began talking, his voice raspy and cracky. "I told John." Hamilton cleared his throat. "I told him I'm pregnant. He got mad and I said something about us having a family together. He called me a worth-" Hamilton stopped, bringing his hand to his mouth to block a sob from escaping.

"Take your time," Jefferson whispered, stopping to look up at Hamilton. "It's all going to be okay."

Hamilton nodded and started again. "He called me a worthless tranny and said he'd never want a family with me." Hamilton sniffled. "Then I pushed him, tried to apologize, and he told me to get the hell out of his dorm." Hamilton kept his gaze on his arms. In his opinion, he should have done more. His head kept swimming, and the word "worthless" bounced and echoed.

"Hey," Jefferson said quietly, drawing Hamilton out of his trance. He looked at Jefferson, who had finished wrapping his arms in bandages. "You're not worthless, okay? You're worth something, and if no one else thinks so, then they're wrong."

"Thanks," Hamilton muttered, not really believing it.

Jefferson sent Hamilton a concerned look. "I mean it, Alexander." Alex looked up. Jefferson has never called him by his first name, it's always just been "Hamilton". Jefferson leaned forwards and kissed Hamilton's head in a brotherly manner, though Hamilton's heart fluttered. Wait, why did his heart flutter? Why was it getting harder to breath? Why couldn't Hamilton get Jefferson off his mind for next week? What was Jefferson doing to Hamilton and why did Hamilton love it?

Word Count: 1031