Poison

Chapter Six

‼️Talk of abuse and rape‼️
‼️Mentions of self harm‼️

Hamilton's head hung over the toilet. It was three in the morning, and classes started at eight. He learned to tie his hair up when he went to bed so it would be out of the way in the morning. He felt Jefferson rub his back as he retched into the toilet. He felt horrible for waking him. He'd have to make it up to him. When he was done, he leaned against the wall. "I'm sorry I woke you up," he finally said.

"It's okay, I couldn't really sleep anyways." Jefferson was quiet for a moment, looking lost in thought. "I think it's time you tell John," he finally said.

Hamilton felt his heart beat pick up. "N-no, I can't," he muttered. "Besides, I don't even know if I'm going to keep it."

"If you were going to get an abortion you would have already," Jefferson countered. Hamilton looked away from Jefferson. "John is your boyfriend, I think he deserves to know."

"I just can't tell him, okay? It's not that simple."

"All you have to do is shoot him a text saying 'Hey, I'm pregnant!' It sounds pretty simple to me."

"I can't tell him," Hamilton said louder.

"Why not?" Jefferson argued, starting to get frustrated by his stubbornness, but also scared by his fear of Laurens.

"Because," Hamilton yelled. Tears streamed down his face, and he tried his best to keep himself from shaking. He couldn't break down, not in front of Jefferson.

"Because why?" Jefferson yelled back. "It's not all about you. It's not just your baby. It's John's baby too."

That's when Hamilton finally turned towards Jefferson. "Because I don't know if it's John's baby!" he screamed.

⚠️R&A⚠️

Jefferson froze. That could only mean one of two things. "You cheated on him...?" Jefferson asked hesitantly, hoping he would nod. To Jefferson's dismay, he shook his head no. "Oh, god," Jefferson breathed, pulling Hamilton into a hug. That's when Hamilton broke. He sobbed into Jefferson's shirt, gripping it for dear life. Jefferson didn't try to shush him, he only rubbed the sobbing man's back gently. "Who did this to you?" he asked quietly.

"Ch-Charles Lee... and James Reynolds and sometimes Hercules Mulligan," Hamilton stammered out, sniffling and wiping his nose.

Jefferson grabbed some tissues sitting on the sink and handed the box to Hamilton. "Does John know?"

Hamilton nodded, opened his mouth, and hesitated. What was he thinking? He couldn't just tell Jefferson about how Laurens would beat and rape him. But then again, he wanted it to stop. He wanted the pain and tears and bruises to end. Slowly, Hamilton shut his mouth and lifted up his shirt. Not much, but enough to see the large bruise covering his left side. "He would join in, too," Hamilton whispered, as if saying it louder would cause the whole world to hear. Jefferson's eyes widened as he saw the bruise, now black and purple, as if it was just made a few days ago. Jefferson started up at Hamilton in horror. The bruise was so close to his stomach, too close for either of their comfort.

"He would beat me if I misbehaved, sometimes he would call his friends over to help him. Some nights he would sell me off to his friends to have 'fun'. He calls me a 'tranny' or his 'baby girl', even though I'm a boy." Jefferson's blood turned to ice. How many times had he called Hamilton a tranny and unknowingly caused him to relive his encounters with Laurens? Hamilton sniffled, looking down, almost ashamed. "I love him."

"But does he love you?" Jefferson asked.

"Of course he does. He wants me to be better. He chose me, of all the better people in the world. He does the things he does because he loves me."

"Someone who loves you shouldn't make you cry," Jefferson said, wiping away a tear. "They shouldn't make you scared. They shouldn't want to hurt you. They shouldn't try to make you into something you're not."

"But..." Hamilton looked up, pushing the hair out of his face. "I deserve all this. I deserve whatever he does." He looked back down. "Even if I hate it."

A sudden thought hit Jefferson, causing a moment of understanding to flood over him. "Is he the reason you..."

⚠️SelfHarm⚠️

Hamilton said nothing but nodded. He rolled up his sleeves and showed his bruised arm also had cut marks running along it. From the first glance, they looked deep and fresh. Jefferson gently grabbed Hamilton's arm to inspect them. He counted twenty-two. "I want it to stop," Hamilton said, causing Jefferson to look up. Hamilton was staring at his arm. "I want to stop." He looked up at Jefferson. "I need help," he admitted, his voice breaking.

⚠️Over⚠️

Jefferson wrapped his arms around Hamilton, rocking him back and forth. they stayed like that until it was time for them to get ready for classes, which Jefferson was okay with. After Hamilton got ready, Jefferson walked him to class, even though Jefferson himself didn't have any that day. As Jefferson walked back to the dorm, the only thing on his mind was how he would make Laurens pay for what he did to Hamilton, Hamilton's baby, and how Hamilton fit perfectly in Jefferson's arms.

Word Count: 897