it girl // milo manheim ✰

i-i'm sorry. i need you.

milo's pov

I drove to Alan's house as fast as I could. As I was going through security I could already see the red and blue flashes coming from Alan and Lanie's neighborhood. I pulled into Alan's driveway and ran to his door. When he opened it, I was pulled into a hug immediately.
"Milo, come on in. We need to talk." He said seriously.
"Alan, what's going on why are there cops surrounding Lanie's house? Is she okay?" I asked him with concern and distress in my voice.
"Milo, I don't know how to say this or if you know what happened recently." He said putting his head in his hands beginning to get emotional.
"Alan, what's going on? Tell me I'm here for you." I said pulling him closer to me.
"Milo, Lanie's ex boyfriend I'm assuming, came to her house. He was hiding in there and has been leaving her notes and gifts. He was practically driving her insane. I opened the door to her yelling at me for a note she thought was me. When she gave the note to me and stormed off, I ran to her room. I heard him say such terrible things to her. He was abusing her Milo. She couldn't help herself." He said beginning to cry more and more with each sentence.
"Alan, is she okay? Did they get her ex? Is he in custody?" I asked.
"The cops arrested him but Lanie is really shaken up. She's being taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation. She couldn't stop crying. She had bruises all over her. If I didn't come to her room, if I didn't come after her, sh-she could have..."
"Alan, don't say that." I said stopping him and pulling him into a hug. "The important thing was that you were there. You were there when I wasn't. And I don't know how I could ever repay you..." I said.
"She's like my little sister. How could someone be so cruel and treat her like that?" He asked with anger in his voice.
"The world is a cruel place." I explained. "But, there are people like you who make life worth living. There are people like you who make the world a better place." I hugged him again as he tried to regain himself and control his sobbing. After a bit of time, the police left and Lanie's house was finally clear. They were able to close the investigation since everything was pretty cut and clear. I walked over to her house, looked at the outside and walked up the outer staircase. I opened her bedroom door and sat on her bed. I could feel the negative energy that was still in the room. I walked around her room until I saw her journal with a note on it. It read, Milo, if you are reading this, turn to page 53. I immediately flipped it to page 53 and began to read.

Milo. My dear milo. I, i am so so sorry. As I was reading it, I could hear her voice speaking to me as if she was sitting right behind me. I could imagine her sitting in her bed with her favorite black Muji pen, writing in her journal. I regret all of the things I told you that night. I did it to protect you. I didn't want you to get in the line of fire that was my past. Over the years that I've known you, even if they were brief and had a lack of detail, I knew you were the best for me. Even if it was just a friendship. You were everything I needed. And I wanted to say I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I told you I didn't need you and that I never did. The truth is, I need you. I need you more than ever. I don't know how to survive without you. You have the been the light at the end of my tunnel that is my life. You have kept me from breaking down and losing everything that I held close to me. I thought by letting you go, I could protect you from Derek. But, I couldn't even protect myself. I love you Milo Jacob Manheim. I always have and I always will. I hope you read this and we can resolve the stupid decisions I made. I love you.
         hugs and kisses, lanie skylar adalair

I touched the leather bound journal and began to cry softly. "I should've been there for you. I shouldn't have let you go even if you wanted me to. I should've been there for you. I shouldn't have left you to fight by yourself." I cried softly to myself.
"But you're here now right? You're here for good?" I turned to see Lanie standing in the doorframe of her bedroom looking down. She had a baggy sweatshirt on and she looked like she went through a lot. I got up from her bed and ran to her. I picked her up and cried into her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry Lanie. I should've been there for you. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have left you." I cried.
"Milo. I'm okay. I will be. I-I'm sorry for everything I said. I need you. I need you in my life." She told me.
"I thought you had to go to the hospital?" I said sitting her down on her bed.
"I did. They released me. Derek is in jail and I'm adding security details. It'll be better in the long run." She said looking down.
"Hey. I'll be with you whenever you need me. If you need me." I said to her looking at my hands. I saw her put her hands in mine.
"I'll always need you. Even if I don't say it, you're always going to be a necessity in my life." She told me. "Milo..." she began as I looked up at her. "Do you mind sleeping here tonight? I know the security details are outside but I just don't feel comfortable staying here alone. Especially with everything that happened."
"Of course. If you don't feel comfortable sleeping in this room, we can switch to the guest room or we can go to my house if you want." I suggested.
"It's okay. I think it would be easier to just stay here. And I'm going to have to face it sooner or later. I just have to move on." She said softly.
"Lanie, you are allowed to express your emotions. You are allowed to say what you need to say. No one is forcing you to stay quiet." I explained to her.
"I'm just so used to apologizing for the things I say and I'm just so used to being pushed aside and around." She confided in me.
"Not anymore. If this friendship is going to work out, I want you to be able to talk to me." I told her.
"Thank you Milo. It means a lot." She told me pulling me into a hug. "I'm going to go shower okay? I'll meet you in bed." She said. I walked into the guest room and saw that my toothbrush was still there from the time I stayed over the first time she moved in. I got ready for bed and got under the comforter. Lanie joined me and turned the light off.
"I love you Milo. Thank you for being you." She said.
"I love you Lanie. Thank you for making me a better person." I said stroking her bruised cheek being careful to not hurt her as she began to drift off into sleep.

lanie's pov

"Derek, stop please!" I screamed as I saw him come towards me. "I thought you were in jail! I thought I was safe from you!" I screamed.
"Oh Lanie. You really think you could keep me there? You don't think I'm the only one after you right? Have you seen Arthur recently? He's doing good if you were interested. He was actually the one who told me you were in LA since you guys are on good terms I guess" he said bluntly.
"No. This can't be happening. Stop ruining my life! I can't take this anymore! Stop it." I yelled.
"I'll see you soon babe! One way or another. Tell Milo and Alan to take care and keep you safe." He said disappearing from my nightmare as I was shaken awake.
"Lanie. Wake up. You were having a bad dream." I heard Milo say.
"It was a nightmare, Milo. H-he was th-there." I told him as I pulled him into a hug crying. "He said that he was going to come for me. He said that you and Alan needed to take care of me and keep me safe. What if he somehow gets released and comes for me?" I asked sobbing into his shoulder as we sat on my bed while he rubbed my back.
"Lanie, I promise you I won't let him hurt you. I made a lot of mistakes but I'm here to protect you. I am here to be your friend. I am here to be whatever you want me to be. But, most importantly, I am here to love you unconditionally and make sure you love yourself. I am so proud of the woman you have become and the woman you are becoming. You are one of the strongest people I know." He said as I looked down at my hands. "About a week ago, you tod me about how in college, you felt as if you were nothing. Because everyone was a better version of yourself. I am here to tell you that, that is so far from the truth. You have had so many accomplishments in the past 3 years. You graduated early, you got signed, and you are rising to the top where you belong. You are going so far and I hope you'll let me come along for the ride." He said as I looked up at him. "Are you feeling better?" He asked me.
"I definitely feel a lot better than before." I said honestly.
"Can we go back to sleep then? It's literally 2 in the morning. I'll be here right next to you." He said to me as i laughed and nodded wiping away my tears. I laid down and stared at the ceiling for a good 5 minutes before turning to Milo and getting closer to him hugging his body close.
"Goodnight Milo. I love you." I whispered softly.
"Goodnight Lanie. I love you." He whispered back. And just like that, I fell sound asleep in his arms. Not letting my past terrorize me in my dreams. I let the present take over and I was mostly happy with the current outcome. I was ready to accept everything that would come in the future. Even if I had to start with myself.

A/N: alrighty!! there's the next chapter! I'm super happy with the current outcome of this book and I can't wait to continue it! Even though this book isn't over, I have been thinking of alternate books for the future. I'm thinking of doing another Milo book and Joe Keery book (because who doesn't love a good motherly figure). Please leave a comment and vote! stay rad and stay glad!! xoxo, lanie<3