⚠️ This is a true story, unfortunately.
🖤1st in a series
✅Completed
I labeled this as teen "fiction" because my target age group usually thinks of self-help books or text books when they hear "non-fiction" and don't realize a memoir reads like a...
The next morning, as soon as announcements were over, I ran into the hall; planning to stay posted up at my locker until Kiwi came to get me. I waited until the bell rang. I waited until five minutes past the time he usually came to my homeroom to pick me up. I knew he couldn't have gone downstairs without me seeing him, as his homeroom was only a few doors down from mine. I texted him but I got no reply. I texted Pen, since she sat next to him in homeroom, to tell him to hurry up.
PEN TEXT: He's absent 2day.
I slid down my locker until I hit the floor. If Kiwi didn't talk to Dan today, I'd have to wait two weeks to get an answer. I was livid. My fists were clenched so tight, I thought I'd pushed my finger nails back into my fingers. I couldn't scream or hit anything, since I was in public. He clearly wasn't as well trained as I thought. He hadn't even attempted to call or text me, which he would've done on any run of the mill day that he was going to be absent. He must've known how frantic I'd be. I convinced myself he did all this on purpose as revenge for something. I took out my phone and texted so furiously fast, I could've sworn I saw smoke flying out of my finger.
TAYLOR TEXT: U worthless piece of shit! U would go 2 a party on a school night and get 2 fucked up 2 come in! Ur such a waste of flesh. U couldn't b here the 1 day I needed u! I hate u.
I sent it on its way. It let some anger out but it didn't get rid of the panic attack I felt coming on. The hall started to spin, as the last bell rang and everyone poured into the hall. I knew I had to get up before I caused a scene but I just couldn't bring myself to. No one cared how I was or why I was sitting on the floor. All they cared about was Kiwi's whereabouts. That's all anyone said to me. Is he coming in today? Where is he? Did he skip school because he's such a bad ass? That enraged me even more. It was like I had no identity other than Kiwi's sidekick. I suddenly felt bad for Robin, having to deal with all of Batman's shit.
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I felt like I was walking on a tight rope all the way to the art room. I sat down at my usual seat and buried my face in my hands. I felt something poking against my lips and removed my hands from my eyes to see Pen, shoving a donut in my face. P: "It's not Kiwi's dick but I'm sure it tastes just as good." T: "Sorry to disappoint, but I wouldn't know." P: "People have been asking me what's going on with you two. You know I don't like people talking to me. I'm becoming affected by your nonsense." T: "I hate him." P: "I hear that. He may look like a Disney prince but he's such a fuckernaut." T: "I don't just hate him because he exists, like you do. He pisses me off. I just want this whole vacation to be over." P: "You know he has a concert choir show this weekend, right? We could go break his knee caps, if you wanted." I felt her wrap her arms around my shoulders and give me hug; attempting to make me feel any sort of better but not prying into my business about what was actually wrong. That's one thing I loved about her. She was always willing to hear me out when I needed to vent, but she also respected me telling her when I was ready and not badgering me. P: "Whatever's wrong, it'll be ok." T: "How do you know? I could've just found out I have polio. Yeah, things are gonna be fucking fantastic." P: "Well...they found a cure for polio. So...yeah, things would be ok."
The bell rang thirty minutes early. We only had fifteen minute classes because it was a half day. I followed Pen out of the room and up the stairwell. I saw Dan running into his science classroom, too fast for him to notice me. I wished he knew how much I needed him. I wished he knew I asked my mom to beat him unconscious, slap a bow on his head and put him under the Christmas tree for me. I wasn't angry anymore. The anger had been replaced by a deep sense of depression. That was the first time I'd ever felt that way. I'd never understood all the medication commercials with the sad looking adults, lying in bed and crying over cups of coffee, until that day.
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When I got home, I got in bed and pulled the blankets up over my head. I pretended I was in a casket, dead. It was hard to pretend I was dead when my mind wouldn't stop racing with thoughts of Dan finding some other girl over vacation and forgetting about me. I refused to message him before he knew, so I didn't look like more of a psycho than I already did.
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I spent the next four days in my room, sleeping and playing Super Mario World on my old Super Nintendo; screaming at the goddamn turtles that kept killing me and the mushrooms that fell off the cliff before I could get to them. I'd made a tally sheet to cross off the days as they went by. Pen had texted me, seeing if I'd made up my mind about going to Kiwi's concert choir show the following night. Wherever Kiwi was, Dan was. Neither of us was into going to school functions but I knew if I told her I had sinister intentions at someone else's expense, she'd be all for it.
