Killer Queen|✔️ (Book 1)

34. Marry Me/Bury Me

May

"Alright, everybody get in two single file lines like we practiced. Good, ok...oh no, Taylor, you're in the wrong line. No, you need to be in the left line....that's the right line. Yes, it's my left but I mean yours. Where are you going? Jesus Christ, can someone help her?"

    I still have to hold up my hands to distinguish left from right and I didn't learn to tie my shoes 'til I was 12...mostly because I hate bending over. I used to threaten my teachers with lawsuits in grade school, if they didn't tie my shoes and tried to lecture me about learning how to do it myself; so I was used to people being frustrated with my lack of know how. We were practicing for graduation in the Forum building, downtown, instead of regular classes. Pen was supposed to be my line partner so I knew where to go but she was absent that day and I'll tell you how I remember that just for the pure entertainment factor, because sometimes you just have to do shit for the fun of it.

Since she wasn't there, I was line partners with this kid, Dominico. He was a cool little hipster kid but he rarely spoke and was very shy so I wouldn't be surprised if most people in our grade didn't even know who he was. His family owned the best Italian bakery in town, so my mom insisted I be nice to him. So, poor little Dominico knocked up this senior girl during our junior year, which shocked the hell out of me because I didn't even think he knew he had a penis. He swore he didn't know the girl was pregnant until the day she had the kid; that was the cherry on the sundae. The sprinkles on the sundae, which everyone knows is even better than the cherry, was that he could never remember the child's name. That day we had a conversation that went like this, verbatim, because I could not wait to get home and log it in my book so I got it word for word. T: "How's your son?"
D: "He's doing good."
T: "What's his name again?"
D: "T.J.? Wait...Anthony...no, Brad. It's one of those."
T: "...You don't know your own kid's name?"
D: "I do, I just forgot."
T: "You know T.J.AnthonyBrad has no chance, right?"
D: "I know. Managers at McDonald's make a decent amount. He has a Fischer Price kitchen set; we can start practicing and he'll be head fry cook by eighteen."

     When practice was over, I found Kiwi in the hall, surrounded by girls. He'd gotten his hair cut differently and they were basking in his magnificence. I didn't think he could manage to be any more attractive but he somehow pulled it off. He used to laugh when he'd catch me watching him being idolized by other girls, but this time, sheer panic washed over him. He pushed passed them, running over to me and looking terrified.
K: "I wasn't trying to get any of their numbers, I swear."
T: "...I didn't say you were."
K: "I'd never cheat on you. You know that, right? I won't talk to them anymore, if you don't want me to. I won't talk to anyone anymore."
T: "What is wrong with you? I'm not mad. I know I used to think you were a pig and trying to sleep with everything that moves, but I know you're not like that. Plus, I saw they ambushed you; it's not even like you went over to them willingly. Why are you freaking out?"
K: "I don't wanna upset you. If I ever do anything you don't like, just tell me and I'll never do it again."

   It was like he just snapped and was falling apart. I hugged him to calm him down. I could feel his whole body trembling, he was so shaken up that he had potentially angered me. I couldn't believe what I'd done to him. This wasn't the Kiwi I'd met sophomore year. This wasn't the Kiwi I'd rekindled my friendship with at the beginning of this year. This wasn't the Kiwi I'd seen walking the halls full of confidence and energy, during junior year, when we didn't speak. I didn't know who this scared, timid boy was. I didn't mean to crush every fiber of his being and ruin him. He was beautiful and exuberant and I stole it from him without him even noticing.

     It was still morning when practice was over. We'd gotten a ride back to Kiwi's house from a classmate and I was exhausted, so I got in bed to take a nap; while he flipped through TV channels.
I felt him watching me as I tried to fall asleep. I opened my eyes to see him peering down at me with a scowl on his face.
T: "What?"
K: "Why won't you kiss me?"
T: "It's too early for this, Ki. I told you why."
K: "I haven't spoken to or seen Alexis. I avoid places she'll be and I haven't said a word about her. I'm starting to think you only said you loved me so I'd stay away from her."
Ding ding ding! I wanted to shake his hand and give him a brand new car. He was catching on; I didn't give him enough credit.
T: "...That's fuckin' preposterous! How can you even suggest something like that?"
That was the only thing I could think of to say. Preposterous is a great word but it isn't used enough to really have any street cred, so I knew this was going to be a blowout.
K: "Then why do you still refuse to be with me!?"
T: "I didn't refuse. I just don't want you to turn on me and hurt me. You always say you'll stay away from her and then you go back on it."
He hadn't done that in months but I thought I could trick him into thinking he'd done it recently enough to be relevant. It didn't work.

      
     He made a disgusted face and threw the remote on the floor, so hard that the back popped off and the batteries rolled under the dresser. He got out of bed and left the room, slamming the door behind him. I drug myself out of bed to chase after him, stopping at the top of the stairs as he was halfway down them.
T: "Are you seriously that pissed?"
He stopped and looked at me like I'd killed his family, set the bodies on fire and asked if he wanted to toast marshmallows over them.
K: "I don't know what I have to do to make you realize that I love you and only you! I did everything you wanted and I still don't have you! What do you want me from me!?"
He was yelling at the top of his lungs. I wanted to burst into tears. I felt so idiotic. I knew I deserved to be screamed at.
T: "I don't know..."
K: "You don't know? Well that's fantastic. I know I'm done fucking around. At least Alexis doesn't string me along like you, so maybe I should get back with her."
T: "No, you can't!"
K: "Why not? Nothing I do will ever be good enough. I wanna fucking marry you! I wanna have kids with you! I would drive to the court house right now and marry you, without hesitation; that's how much I fucking love you!"

     He turned away from me, sitting down on the steps. Love was the worst thing to lie about. I wanted to come clean about everything but I forced myself to keep my mouth shut. I was still taking care of business. I tried to run passed him and out the door so I could be alone on the porch, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back in his lap. I attempted to get back up but he slammed me back down into him and wrapped his arms around me in a death grip.
K: "You're not going anywhere."
T: "I'm sorry."
K: "It's my fault. I'm the idiot that would rather be taken advantage of by you, than not have you at all."

     I don't know how long we sat there, it felt like hours. No one said anything, we just sat in silence. I felt tear drops land on my shoulder and glide down my arm, but I didn't wipe them off. I didn't want him to know I knew he was crying.

*

🔮💉 Comment & Vote!