Killer Queen|✔️ (Book 1)

30. Less Than 3

      Monday started our week of IQ testing, which meant we had no regular classes the whole week. I had to wait until after testing to talk to Dan, seeing as neither of us would be able to get to him. I was happy to have the extra week to prepare but the fact that I was being forced to wait and it wasn't my choice, really pissed me off.

     I met Kiwi at his locker at the end of the day, to give him the final part of the history day project to hand in. I hadn't seen him since the night he kissed me. I'd had to leave early the next morning and he hadn't texted me. I chalked it up to him being embarrassed still, so I gave him his space. I was trying to sort out my own feelings as to why I felt so off about the whole thing. Everything felt so complicated for some reason, like our friendship wasn't the same, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

     He didn't even look at me as I stood there and handed him the papers.
T: "What's wrong with you?"
K: "I'm fine."
T: "I know you're not. What is it?"
K: "Don't worry about it."
He snatched the papers out of my hand and started down the hall. I ran after him, grabbing his hand when I caught up to him. He ripped it away and looked at me with an expression of disgust I'd never seen before.
K: "Don't touch me." 
My heart sank as he kept walking, leaving me standing in the hall, alone.

                                                               

I stayed at Ally's that night. I didn't want to be alone and I needed her input to try to make sense of what was going on. When bedtime rolled around, I wasn't tired but she got upset if I didn't lay with her until she fell asleep. I stared at my phone, waiting to hear from Kiwi; wondering if he'd come to his senses. I couldn't imagine what had made him act like that and that he didn't tell me what it was. Maybe he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and didn't know how to tell me. I thought I should  start trying to get used to life without him and how I was going to handle it. I couldn't save our relationship with a manipulative speech, if I didn't even know what was wrong.

    I started contemplating my whole life, like why I had to treat people so horribly, why I was so selfish, why I needed to control everyone, why my dad's sperm didn't do the backstroke when it saw my mom's egg; I would've never been alive to hurt anyone or run up the electric bill. I wish I knew I could've started researching why right then and there and gotten a foot up on the situation. But I thought it was a 'me and only me' problem. I was the only one who acted like this and who this was happening to.

I went to the playroom to watch TV and get my mind off my wretchedness; popping a few pills. I wasn't through a full episode of South Park, before I heard a knock at the door. Ally crept in, with serious pillow marks on her cheeks and her hair in surfer waves, looking like she'd just come from the beach. She was the only person I knew that looked pretty when they woke up.
T: "What are you doing up?"
She gave me a mean looking squint from behind her Balenciaga glasses, that made her look like a moody snapping turtle.
A: "Someone left the lock off my cage."
She tossed my cell phone to me and plopped down in her pink fuzzy chair.
A: "You don't have to wait for him to text first, you know. Just ask what's wrong. It's not like he doesn't owe you an explanation."
She gave me a reassuring look. I knew it was better to do it now, when I had her to comfort me, than to do it later when I was alone.

    I typed out a quick text asking what was the matter with him and sent it. I hadn't told her that he'd kissed me. She would've had a field day with that unconscious kiss, blow it way out of proportion and try to find nonexistent meaning in it. I'd been more than understanding about the whole thing, so I didn't think that could be the reason that he was still upset. If it was something someone else had done, he would've told me by now. No explanation made sense to me.
A: "I got a feeling he isn't telling you something. You know what they say...'if you don't know, what you don't know is a lot.'
T: "...No shit, Sherlock. Keep your day job; you're not cut out for the fortune telling business. I can usually always tell what he's thinking or feeling, and I'm drawing a total blank this time."
A: "I'm telling you, he likes you. Don't make me say it again, or so help me. That's the only reason boys ever do this. He's acting out because he doesn't know how to tell you."
T: "I'm gonna go give myself a swirly so I can't hear you talking."
A: "Didn't you notice on movie night that he never took his eyes off you? I don't even know if he saw any of the movie. If he liked you then, the feeling's probably way stronger now."
T: "No, I did not notice that, so I can't verify if it's true."
A: "Let's, for a second, forget the way he's all over you and drops whatever he's doing for you and his whole world revolves around you. Have you ever seen the way he looks at you? If nothing else, the face he makes when he first sees you, is enough for any idiot to see that he has feelings. I bet he looks like a kid on Christmas morning, every time he wakes up next to you. I hope one day I'm even half as happy as he looks when you walk into a room. I don't know how you sleep at night knowing you're just playing games with him to get what you want and he does it just to make you happy. Maybe he finally realized that and that's why he's mad."

    She was disappointed in me. Ally had never been disappointed in me. I was supposed to be the person she looked up to and I was acting like this. I loved Ally more than anything and to see her upset with me, made me hate myself more than anything I'd ever done to anyone. Ally was the only person I never manipulated or wanted anything from. The only person I'd put before myself.

   I sat there staring at her; with a bloodstream full of stolen pills, that I couldn't even imagine what she'd say if she knew about. Before I could respond with my guilt ridden, down trodden, self-loathing speech, my phone lit up.                                                                                                                                     

KIWI TEXT: Drop dead, Taylor.
                                           

                                          
                                            *

Well, I guess I kinda deserved that for the Christmas text...
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