Don't You Hear My Call?

Roger and John

Freddie's POV
I'm in love with John Richard Deacon. Ever since that date I couldn't get him out of my mind. He's so loving and beautiful it hurts.

We'd steal kissed from each other when no one was looking. We hold hands as much as possible and cuddle more than I have with anyone before. The only thing is, we haven't done anything sexual... at all.

Don't get me wrong, I find John incredibly attractive and have thought about him many times and I'm sure he has thought the same about me. But I'm not sure what's holding us back.

I've been with a couple of men before and I think he has too, but I'm still nervous he's not telling me something.

Johns POV
I angry at myself. I'm angry at myself for being the way that I am. Freddie makes me so happy and I finally get to be with him, but somethings the matter.

Ever since the date we've been nothing but loving. We hold hands and kiss. Sometimes we even snog a bit. But I'm subconsciously holding myself back.

It's not like I haven't done anything sexual before. I've been with many women and a few men. However, when I was with men we didn't stay together very long and the most I did with them was blowjobs and handys. But still, Freddie was the most attractive person I've ever seen and I've thought about him that way before. All I've ever wanted to do was have sex with him.

I know Freddie's very experienced and I'm nervous he's not going to love me when he realizes I'm not as, well, knowledgeable. Knowledgeable? I don't think that the right word. Whatever, I'm just scared that Freddie won't want to be with me because I'm still a virgin.

I want to please Freddie so badly, but I know that if we start doing some things it's going to lead to other things. The worst part is, he thinks that he's the problem. I'm too embarrassed to tell him what's going on. I don't think he'll understand.

Maybe it's not lack of experience. Maybe I'm feeling guilty about being with him when my parents don't even know I'm bisexual. Whatever the reason, I know I'm feeling alone. I feel like the only person to ever deal with this.

Rogers POV
I woke up this morning crying. It wasn't due to a nightmare, but rather a situation that occurred between me and Brian. I didn't want to disturb Brian as he slept so I got out of bed quietly and went to the bathroom.

My eyes were red and watery. The hair on my head was sticking up in all directions and even knotted. There were prominent dark circles around my eyes. My cheeks were flushed and had tear stains running down them. I looked horrible. But I felt worse.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub and but my face into my hands. I sobbed for a few minutes and blindly tried to find a towel to dry my face, tears burning my eyes. I was a mess.

I hardly noticed that I started to cry louder. I pressed my face into the towel to keep quite and continued on. I prayed that Brian wouldn't walk in on me. He would try to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be alright, but how would he know? My own body was rejecting me.

I wanted answers, so I searched my mind and memories to get some kind of conclusion. Last night was what I thought was going to be a magical night. Our first time as a moved in couple, but instead I ruined it.

Brian and I stared out kissing lightly, mr straddling him on the bed. We went through our usual line up. First, making out. Secondly, heavy touching and the removal of our shirts. Then, grinding that resulted most often in handjobs or the occasional, and my favorite, blowjob.

Last night was no different, until Brian suggested something a little more intimate. He flipped me over so I was underneath him on my back. He began to kiss down from my jaw to my naval. I thought he was going to suck me off, but instead he looked up at me with a shy but beautiful face. "Can I fuck you?" He asked. My heart jumped. I've wanted this for so long and I thought I was ready to take the next step in our relationship. Thought.