~my heart~ (Jeonglix)

Part. 20

Felix POV:

I wake up due to the sunlight that came in through the sliding door. I can't open my eyes properly because the sunlight radiated straight into my face. I wince my eyes a few times to open them. It took me a few times before my eyes fully opened.

I moved around but then I realised I was hugging onto something and whatever it is, it hug me back, tightly. I look down to see a head with black brown perm hair on my torso.

Only with that, my mouth slowly carve a soft smile.

I can't see his face since he buried his face in my chest but,,, I can recognise who is is by his hair. That's not weird. I think. I look at his top of head endearingly. 'cutie'. I mumbled the word under my breath. Well, I don't want want to wake him up. He probably didn't get enough sleep. I move my free hand from his waist slowly to his head and I pat the top of his head softly. Endearingly and gently you can say. I leaned over and smell his hear. It's not fragrant but it's not smelly too. It just nice. After all it's his natural smell. I chuckled a little, thinking that it's funny how I secretly kissing and smelling the top of this cute boy head.

After a few minutes I did that, he moved. Slowly waking up. I guess. Well it almost noon based on the sun that already up high in the sky. He slowly remove his hand off my waist to his face. He yawn a few times but he cover his mouth with his hand before he rub his eyes. He immediately smile the moment his eyes met mine. I blushed a bit. I moved my sight off him. "Good morning hyung" jeongin greeted me with his morning raspy voice. I can feel my jaw dropped a bit as my cheeks get even more red. Jeongin chuckled and smile brightly.

I can see his braces clearly which make me smile. "G-g-good morning jeongin-ah" I stuttered. I don't know why I am stuttering but now I'm embarrassed. He must think I'm weird. Stuttered in the morning, PLUS, it's only the two of us in this room. Nothing to stutter for.

"You know hyung? You're cute" jeongin cupped my cheek with his left hand. I think I could die at this moment. But I questioned myself, 'why would I die with this small action?' I mean we almost kiss. The car incident really left me. But at that time, I'm really confident and he is really panicked. Well that make sense since I'm older but now... Why am I the one who's getting panicked? I'm older. 'The fuck?'

"Hyung?" I snapped at the voice. I blink my eyes a few times then shook my head. I look at jeongin in the eyes. A few seconds then I realised that his left hand are still on my cheek. I can feel my cheek burning up even more if that even possible as he didn't let his hand off my cheek. "E-erm. Yes jeongin?" I didn't break the eye contact. I closely and noticed that there are like stars in his eyes. It's really sparkling.

I wanted to hug him. I think maybe I could use this opportunity to change myself back to normal as only jeongin and I in this room at the moment. Something big may happen. No one knows. But I hope it is something good and nice because I got panicked easily. If I hug him, what would he reaction be?

I shook my head again, back from my day dream. "Urm.. hyung?" Jeongin called me again but his intonation is different. Rather than just now it's sounded more sad. I hummed again to show my respond. He sit up from laying and I follow his movements. Even thought he has break our eye contact but I can't help to look at him. My eyes just can't get off him. He looks down and fiddling his fingers.

'What's wrong with him??? Did I do anything wrong? Did I make something goes wrong? Why is he look so sad?' Many questions burst into my mind. And if I remembered it rightly,,, last night he was acting a bit weird. I move both my hands out and put one of them on the back of his head and I cupped his cheek with the other one just like what he did to me just now. "Look at me" I said softly. He looked up straight into my eyes. My eyes bewildered. I am shocked. I was not expecting this. His eyes shattered. I don't know what to do.

I usually don't and don't want to read someone face because for me it's kinda rude but... This time jeongin face tell me everything. I was reading it not on purpose. It showed me that jeongin is sad and stressed about something. It really hit him until he wanted to cry but he bear it. He was hiding it from me. I know that even though he tried his best at it.

I can tell that his head is full with something that even he can't carry it alone and wanted to burst it out. But the issue is. 'What is the thing?' that question kept repeating in my head right now.

"What's wrong jeongin-ah? Is there anything bothering you? Would you mind to share if there is something?" I asked him nicely with the most smooth intonation I can do even though I know that there IS something that's been bothering him. He shook his head. Trying to put a smile and sniffed he said "Nothing's wrong. It's me. I'm wrong. It's my fault."

I was speechless. I could not say anything. Silence comes in the room for a moment. I was puzzled. 'what is he is he talking about? What is the thing he is trying to say?' those questions came in bursting into my mind and still running since the silence came. I decided to break the silence since it is very awkward and I know he will not say anything than remain silent.

"Wha-" I couldn't finish my sentence when he break our eye contact for the second time and looked down again. He must be feeling low self-confidence right now. I took a deep breath and pat with head slowly. I wanted to calm himself down first. "What do you mean jeongin?" I continue my sentence that was cut just now. He shook his head aggressively, saying "no it's nothing".

I believe in my sense that there IS something and he just trying to hide it and run away from it. But I'm scared if he keep doing this he will become like me. It's hard to change. Even though now I'm trying to change.

I asked him a few times with the same question and he also answered me with the same answer. He even closed his ears with his hand for a few times but then I will remove it. Over and over again. It kept going like that for a while. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting tired and annoyed. My patience has reached it limits.

I doesn't want to let out my anger on him or shout at him but if he kept doing this, it's not going anywhere. I breathe in and out. I was doing it until I calm down. 'Did he really did something that is so bad? He is being not clear. Is it something that is related to me?' the last question on my head make me taken back. 'What if it is? Then I just made a kid go crazy'. These thoughts make me become anxious and curious.

I ask him again "what is WRONG jeongin??? Can you just tell me???" I emphasize the word wrong. I tried to control my emotions but if he answer me with the same answer.... "NOTHING'S HYUNG NOTHING.... really...." He shouted and crying at the same time. He close his ears with his hands again.

'that's it' I thought.

"Jeongin-ah I ask you again, WHAT IN THE WORLD THAT HAPPENED TO YOU???"