The Faith of a Mustard Seed

Chapter Sixteen

"This is pathetic how you keep trying to replace Gracie"

"If you hadn't been driving that night it wouldn't have happened."

"It should have been you instead."

"How dare you replace Gracie with her."

"You'll be doing it alone."

"Alone."

NO, I AM NOT. Nathan suddenly jolted awake his heart hammering in his chest, sweat coating his arms. Looking over at the clock the time read just past three in the morning. Looking around his dark room his eyes land on his music equipment in the corner, getting up he switches on the desk lamp and sits down placing his hands on the keyboard.

I guess what Jacob said bothered me more than I wanted to admit. I'm not trying to replace Gracie, and I am not alone. If some who has been through so much bad like Jasmine can believe in God, then why can't I?

Is what she thinks true? Am I angry at Gracie for leaving me? How do I move on from here? Part of me wishes to ask God to forgive me for being angry, and the other part wants to be stubborn and continue the way I have been. Either way I do know one thing for sure, I'm done with the self-pity. Whether Jasmine wants to admit to it or not I know something bad is going on in that house, and I am going to do what ever I can to help her.

If I'm going to help her, I can't have an episode of self-harm. It's time I try to cope the way I used to. It's time I write my music and try to produce it, and I think I know what my first song is going to be. I hope I don't wake anyone, but I need to do this.

Taking a deep breath, in Nathan hits the record button on his keyboard and starts to sing softly,

"Sunrises, Sunsets, each day is the same since you left. Heartache and pain have become a constant thing, since you gained your wings, it's changed everything. I don't know where my path will lead me, I don't know if I'll ever be okay, all I know is yesterday is the same as today. The world is speeding by, and I feel as if I could cry. Why did you have to go so soon? Why did you leave me alone without you? Sunrises, Sunsets, each day is the same since you left. Heartache and pain have become a constant thing, since you gained your wings it's changed everything. I no longer feel the pain, things are starting to feel okay. Though my path is still unknown, I wish you love in your heavenly home. Yesterday is the same as today, my world is slowly becoming okay. Sunrises, sunsets I count the days I have left, heartache and pain still remain, since you gained your wings, it's changed everything."

Letting out a big breath of air Nathan hits the stop button on the recording and then plays the song back several times each time editing it bit by bit. It's not my best work, but I think it describes what I've been through, and where I'm at. I better try to get a little sleep tomorrow is going to be awful at school. Jacob will make it a living nightmare, but I deserve it for the way I treated Jasmine. I just hope they leave her alone.

Nathan slowly crawls back into bed and closes his eyes falling into a peaceful sleep. The next morning Nathan beats Jasmine downstairs and by the time she makes it into the kitchen he has her a cup of tea and honey made in a Styrofoam cup she can take to school with them. After a quiet breakfast Jasmine and Nathan head out into the cold morning air.

Once in the car Nathan looks over at Jasmine and asks, "So did you sleep good?"

Smiling Jasmine replies, "I did. How about you?"