The Faith of a Mustard Seed

Chapter Twenty-Three

Gracie or Jasmine? Jasmine or Gracie? Which one? How can I choose one over the other? Nathan Sea thought sadly to himself as he sat staring down at the two journals laying on his desk. A leather-bound green journal that belonged to Gracie, and a small black one that belonged to Jasmine, both were tempting but which one first?

Rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands Nathan sighs, looking down at the two journals, unwilling to sit still any longer Nathan jumps to his feet and begins pacing the length of his room, several minutes later coming to a halt at his bedroom window, his eyes searching the house next door for any clue of what was happening.

It's been silent for two days now I haven't heard anything since that one scream, and that scream was enough to tell me that she's been badly hurt, but what can I do? She's made me promise not to get involved, and then she leaves me with her journal and with Gracie's.

I didn't even know that Gracie had a journal. It's a piece of my cousin that I didn't know still existed. I wonder if she wrote about me in it. Did she write about Jake or Sebastian? Will reading it give me some peace with the fact that she's gone? Or will it make me feel even worse knowing that she'll never be able to accomplish her hopes and dreams?

Then there's Jasmine's journal, couple that with the letter she left me claiming that she's lied about a few things, it tempts me. I could piece together what's going on and maybe even help her, but do I want to know? Do I want to get involved? What could be so bad that it would warrant her to give me a bear, a bible, and her journal? I'm so confused.

Gracie or Jasmine? Jasmine or Gracie? Can I choose a friend over my cousin? Should I choose my friend over my cousin? I don't know, and I have no one I can openly ask about this. My parents would flip if they knew what was going on next door, none of my friends are so close to really know that Jasmine struggles with some kind of abusive situation, and they all would think I'm crazy to be debating between two journals, they'd tell me to read Gracie's and forget about Jasmine's, but can I?

Staring unseeing out the window Nathan continues weighing the two options conflicted, and the longer he stares the more a desire to leave the house blooms. An idea slowly pops into his head, and a sudden intense longing to find his youth pastor, Pastor Ross, fills his heart with the same warmth that had led to him giving Jasmine a ride to school.

Without thinking too much about the fact that he hadn't been to church since the accident that took Gracie from him, Nathan swiftly grabbed his wallet and his jacket on his way downstairs, grabbed his key off the hook near the door, and raced out the door pausing only long enough to lock the front door.

Fifteen minutes later Nathan sat staring at the full parking lot of the church he had grown up in. I'm insane. What am I doing here? I don't belong here, but Pastor Ross was always able to give me good advice before. He's the one who encouraged me to tell my parents I didn't want to follow into the family's career path and do something with law, but that I wanted to be a music producer.

He was right when he said that they'd back my decision, they even surprised me with a recording set up that would help me practice with producing and editing music. And he was right when he said that sometimes it pays more to watch and listen than to act without thought. I still need some work on that, but he wasn't wrong.

In truth he's never really steered me wrong. Pastor Ross has always been like another big brother to me, one that hasn't set off to other states to chase bad guys. But can I talk to him about this? How do I even begin to explain the true complex reason why I'm so torn? Why am I so torn this should be easy? Jasmine is someone I just met, I should read Gracie's journal and find my missing peace. I'll just run it by Pastor Ross, I'll make it sound like I'm just looking for affirmation, not advice. Yes, that's what I'll do. Well, here goes everything.