The Irish Lad: A One Direction Fan Fiction

Chapter 29

Niall's POV

"God, Niall, you're such an idiot!" Aileen yelled. "She studies, goes to class, runs, dances, goes to sleep, and that's it. She doesn't go out, she doesn't talk, she doesn't laugh. She's barely happy, and that drink with Seamus is the first in a month. I'm proud of her for leaving the house. God damn it, Niall, management made her break up with you. I can't believe how cruel you were to her!" She slammed the front door in my face.

I got home, and picked up the mail, only to fnd a bunch of letters from Katie. I opened each one.

Most were apologies, saying she knew she had made a mistake. Some were purely song lyrics, like Last Kiss, Moments, Gotta Be You, Need You Now, and for Christmas, Merry Christmas Darling. She explained about what she was doing during her days, and Leena was right. She wasn't doing much. She never explained the reason for the break up, though. I finally came to the last one.

'                                                                                                                                       12-31-12

Dearest Niall,

Hello, my love. This is my last letter. I will finally explain everything. I will bring these letters to you today, and who knows how you'll react. Who knows if we'll even speak to each other, but you need the truth.

The truth is, a few days after I got back after fall break, I got a call from managemnt. They said I was distracting you, and holding back your career. We were supposed to be distanced. I resisted, but they threatened taking away visitations for everyone on the next tour, and I couldn't do that. I figured, that if we were meant for each other, we'd find our way back to each other. I regret my decision, and I hope you see that I do.

I've been told I'm a strong person, and I may agree. I don't cry in front of many people, and I act confident and outgoing all the time. I'm sarcastic and I love being with people.

We both know that's not the truth. I am one of the most insecure people I know. I cry with you, and by myself, and that's it. I hate hate, and it scares me. I have completely thrown away everything that I am in the past few weeks. Not only am I sad, I just don't see the pont in trying anymore.

I haven't truly smiled since fall break. I exercise and do homework. Then I go to bed, and that's about it. I think you know, as well that I'm unhappy. As you'd say, my eyes don't look the same.

Sometimes,  I can still feel you with me, when I wear your hoodie and snapback you gave me last month. I''l wrap up in the hoodie and lay down, and your cologne is still attached to it. It feels like you're there, but then I remember what I did, and that you'll never be back.

I'll never find another like you, Niall. I don't believe anyone else would put up with me. I think I can be happy, smiley and funny, no doubt. A lot of people can, but what really drives people away is my dark side. I'm stubborn, and extremely impatient. I can be insecure, as I've never felt beautiful. I don't know if I ever will. I am extremely particular about my things and where they go, and my persitence gets annoying. My flaws always blockmy view of myself, and I doubt if that will change.

I can't believe, that as good of a person as you are, and as perfect as you are, that you've been able to love me like you have. Your love has been unfailing, and I don't deserve it. You are so good to me, Niall, and I'll never be able to return the favor. I feel terrible for that reason. 

Niall, I love you for everything you are. I love your Armani Mania cologne, and I can still smell it. I love your warm skin, and how it warms my toes and fingers (they're still freezing!). I love that you're taller than me. I love that your arms wrap around me, and make me feel safe. I love how your hand finds mine at the perfect time, which is almost always. I love the feeling when you hug e, because it's warm and protetive; it makes me feel happy. Your eyes are always beautifully sparkling, and they way they search me, it makes me feel loved. I love how your voice, and how it comforts me. I love how you hold the power. You have the power to make me feel loved and blessed and safe. You can make me stop crying and bring a smile to my face. You have so much power over me, and I dn't know if you realize it. I love your smile, even when it wasn't straight. Your smile makes me so happy. I don't want to be the cause of your tears, just smiles. If what brings a smile to your face agains means me leaving, then that's what I'll do I don't like, in fact, I positively dread the idea, but I can't stand your happiness. I love you too much.