« deceased inuyasha x sad reader »
PEACE WAS SOMETHING I thought I wasn't going to feel for a while. Ever since Inuyasha got killed, every emotion I had inside of me disappeared - everything, but sadness.
The Feudal Era now appeared to be a ruthless time in Japan's history. The seemingly bright and paradise-like lands I've travelled with him looked like nothing than what I saw before. Was the once pure soil now tainted with blood from war? Or was it all an illusion I had in my mind just because of Inuyasha? Either way, I knew that it wouldn't turn back to normal again even if everything was finally okay.
His body lay down against the soft grass beside the well. Burying him was the proper thing to do, but I couldn't bear to not see him every time I felt lonely. I had him preserved like he used to be when I first found him hung on a tree by an arrow to his heart, and I'd always be in awe at how long we've stuck with each other. I felt silly whenever I thought of how we weren't supposed to meet each other in the first place if it weren't for a clumsy mistake I made.
Today was another day where I longed to see him. I woke up and immediately knew the fix for the dull, yet unbearable ache in my chest. I was going to the old well, sit next to him and maybe tell him about what's been going on lately in my mind just to ease the suffocation I felt. It didn't matter to me if I stayed there for hours. Time didn't mean anything to me now that I've lost the person I'd gladly spend it with.
Sango-chan greets me with an encouraging smile, but I know that she doesn't have an idea on what to do after the tragedy with Inuyasha herself. She was just as clueless as I was. I ignore her, I know it was rude, but I had to focus on dealing with my selfishness first.
Reaching the well, I was struck with the sense of guilt. Seeing his preserved corpse lying around felt so wrong to look at, knowing that it should be buried, but I set that feeling aside. Emotions mattered to me more than conscience, and it certainly didn't matter to me if I was viewed as a bad person for it.
His silver hair sways along with the gentle wind. It was always beautiful, it's just that he doesn't take care of it well. I sighed, and sat next to him. I could run my fingers through it all day long.
My gaze dropped towards his clothes. I frowned when I saw his suikan coated with dirt and grass, so I dusted it with my hand as gently. I hated it when his clothes got dirty.
"Ne, Inuyasha," I looked at the dull blue sky. "How have you been feeling lately?"
I don't get an answer. I wasn't supposed to, but talking to him calms me down a lot. I'd learned to accept the fact that it was impossible for me to talk to him, even if it was for the last time, and got accustomed to talking to myself instead.
"Everything's been going really well. Sango and Miroku got married - who would've thought, right? I'm so happy for them." I said, smiling. Although, it disappeared faster than I had thought.
"I wonder how it's going to be for us... as a family," I mumbled, looking at his still face. He remained as silent as a rock, which made my heart break even more.
I took his hand and held it between my palms, giving it a good squeeze with the slightest hopes I had left.
I laughed, positioning his fingers across the spaces between mine so it was laced. "Your hands are so big..."
It was the hand I always held when I was nervous about something. I held it when I felt self-conscious, or when I was afraid. I kissed the back of it whenever he'd wake up from a bad dream, pooling with sweat. It held my body with the most gentle touch despite him bearing claws that intimidated those who posed danger for us. His fingers were stiff, calloused, bruised and was often covered in blood, but it only proved to me how willing he was to protect the people he held close to his heart.
But it was cold. It didn't move or flinch even when I'd hold on it so tight I thought my nails would dig down to his flesh. It was a dead hand of a dead person.
And that dead person, was the man I gave my heart to, and still, would gladly do so just to see him smile one last time. It was a wish I'd tell every shooting star that would pass my sight, or whisper during my birthday. There was never a time when I'd hope for his corpse to snap back to life and find me - heal me, kiss me, and love me. It was so selfish of me to want that, but it was beyond my control. I lost somebody that I truly loved, and would give anything just to be reunited with him again.
I rested my back against the well. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft breeze rushing by. I listened to the faint caws of birds soaring towards the horizon. I listened to my own breathing. I listened. I kept quiet, for I was afraid to break the illusion I had entered and will soon leave at even the sound of Sango's voice, telling me that lunch was ready, and that I had forgotten to eat breakfast for the fifth time this week. My mind was in a world so fragile and weak the only way you could escape was as easy as pulling a loose plug. My imagination was drained from me like what happened to my happiness; the only way I could escape the reality I've come to accept was solely on my memories with Inuyasha.
I wish I could preserve myself like what I did to him and remain here as two corpses unable to decay despite time. It'd grant me my wish to be able to be with him both physically and spiritually. The thought of preserving myself after death appealed to me more than anything else in the world.
"Just a little longer."
[ a/n ; holy shit this was sad asf
so i recently remembered that i used to watch inuyasha when i was a kid and rewatching it was so nostalgic, most especially the opening song.
like how can u not jam to I wAnt tO cHanGe tHe wOrlD like nani the fuck
anyways, sorry for the scarce updates, i'm working on a sebastian lemon to make up so stay tuned. c; ]
