Pothos and the Neikea

7. You underestimate the power of the memory

Apparently thinking about Rey all day long, every day, wasn't enough for Kylo. He started dreaming her, too. It was a lucid dream; he knew what was happening. He could stop it any time. Yet he didn't. Well, it didn't matter, did it? It was a dream. No one could blame him for seeing Rey over at his apartment again. Not even he could blame himself.

He opened the door and they both walked in. For a moment, he thought perhaps they were dating, or something, otherwise why else would she be there? But then she said something about Hux. Maybe she was still dating him, then.

He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers. When he came back to the living room, Rey was standing by his desk, snooping around. He checked her up and down, noting immediately that her jacket, shoes, and tights were off. She was just in a short dress and leaning over his desk as she did, he could almost see things he shouldn't. That was off. He could swear she was wearing pants and not a dress beforehand.

He tried talking- his voice was weird. "Are you… hot?" What a stupid question! There are two ways to interpret this, and he only realized too late.

Rey turned around and walked over to him. "Apparently not." She grabbed one of the beers he had forgotten to offer her and sat on his couch.

He joined her. "What do you mean?"

Rey didn't speak for a while, just sipping her drink and staring at the black screen of his television, as if it was on. Then she turned around and made eye contact. Something weird fluttered in his stomach. She was so close, and even looking at her felt intimate.

"Well, if I was, wouldn't Hux want to be with me?" she said with a little whine.

Kylo frowned and looked away. He downed the rest of his beer. "What are you talking about? Aren't you guys dating?" He clenched his fists, deliberately digging his nails into his palms to hurt himself. Because a stupid voice inside his brain whispered hope to him. What was that supposed to mean?

Rey's finger trailed over his chest, drawing some circles there. Kylo felt the need to back away, but his body leaned closer to the touch.

"To be honest-" Rey whispered, "I wanted to fuck him tonight."

Kylo chocked. There wasn't even anything in his mouth, how did he choke?

"But he bailed," Rey continued. "So, you know, maybe he doesn't want me that much." She retrieved her hand and looked ahead, away from him. "Maybe I'm not that hot."

Now that she wasn't facing him, he felt bolder and turned to look at her. She looked sad.

"Rey, no… I'm sure he wants you. He would be stupid if he didn't." He saw her frowning, but still not turning to face him. "You're totally hot." Dammit, how did these words escape his mouth?

This dream was not going in the right direction. He should change it. Yet… it was just a dream.

Rey laughed. "Says the guy who can't even stand my presence here."

Kylo sat straighter, squirming a bit. His eyes never left the side of her face, and he felt his head leaning forward. "Sure, I do hate you. But that doesn't mean I don't think you're hot. That is a fact. I would be lying to myself if I said otherwise."