Pothos and the Neikea

24. Is life really the bitch?

How many days had it been since Kylo had talked to Rey? Really talked to her? When was the last time he had kissed her, he had held her in his arms? It felt like ages. He sat on his desk next to Hux, watching as the man texted the girl he so craved, talking to her on the phone… and he couldn't do anything. He couldn't say anything. The times he had fantasized about wrapping his hands around the ginger's neck were too many to count. Sometimes he thought the only reason Hux had gone back to talking to Rey was just so that he could torture him further.

But how could she do that? She knew what kind of person Hux was… What lies had he told her to convince her to go back? At least he knew they weren't dating or anything. But Hux refused to leave her out of his sight, constantly spending time with her, or talking to her on the phone when they were apart. Even if Kylo wanted to go near her, he couldn't. It was like the Earth in a half a mile radius around her was filled with mines. He wouldn't risk Hux finding out he had tried talking to her outside of their class. For Rey. Everything he did was for her.

But he just couldn't wrap his head around the new circumstances. He couldn't understand why Hux, a certainly homosexual man, would want anything to do with a young girl like Rey. He knew his ultimate goal was to start dating her again; Hux himself had told him that. And well, Rey wasn't stupid; he bet she had realized that too. And the fact that she still hadn't given in was the only consolation.

What were the chances that Rey didn't date Hux because she still wanted Kylo? If she had any logic left in her, she should have already forgotten about him. He treated her so badly. Yet she still looked at him in his classes, and even though she spent all of her time with Hux, she hadn't done him the favor of getting back with him. Kylo allowed his heart to indulge in the fantasy that she still loved him. If she ever did. He would lay on his bed at night and think about the days that everything was perfect, the days that she looked at him as if she loved him. He truly felt loved by her.

And he loved her so much in return. Now he hit himself and screamed into the emptiness of his apartment for not having told her that. What a coward he had been! Afraid he would scare her away. Now, if Rey had known how much of his heart belonged to her, how he existed only for her shake, how he ached from the deprivation of her touch, perhaps none of this would have happened. Perhaps they could have found a way to make this work out.

"I'm going to grab lunch," Hux said suddenly next to his ear, pulling him from his thoughts and startling him. "With Rey," he added.

Kylo gritted his teeth at the man. Did he really have to be so cruel?

"What's wrong, Ren?" Hux whispered. "Any complaints you would like to voice?"

He looked at him from the corner of his eyes. "No," he choked out.

Hux patted him on the shoulder. "That's what I thought." And he was gone.

Kylo jumped off his chair the moment the other man was out the door. He grabbed his hair and pulled at it, emitting a loud, strangled noise that made anyone left in the room look at him with horror in their eyes. He ignored all of them. If he didn't understand what Hux wanted to do to Rey he would explode! Seriously, why would he want her with him? She had nothing to give him! Literally nothing-something one day in an argument he'd told her, and he had regretted it every day since. And the two of them had nothing in common. Nothing at all. Except for the fact that they both were from Jakku… but they didn't know each other beforehand. Not until Hux had found Rey in Maz's cafe where she hung out all the time.