Pothos and the Neikea

11. Let the past die

Rey never knew she could hate Civil and Environmental Engineering so much. It was a boring subject on its own, but knowing that Kylo freaking Ren would teach it too, made it a whole lot worse. When she had told Finn about it, all he had done was give her a side glance and say "Don't do anything stupid," aka don't fuck your professor. Poe thought it was a good thing because they knew each other and spent a lot of time together during her relationship with Hux. Rose just gave her her condolences.

She hadn't spoken to Kylo for the rest of the break. She knew she could if she wanted to. She had his number, but so did he. So he could call her too. And the fact that he didn't was frustrating. Plus, he always seemed to magically know where she is; the dorm room, the lab, the library... So if he wanted to, he could just show up somewhere. Even 'randomly'. He didn't, and she knew he was avoiding her. And it just made everything so, so much worse.

She should never have gotten so deep into this. Everything was just perfect when all they knew how to do was growl at each other like animals. And the fact that her body was attracted to his didn't mean her mind was too. It was probably just because he had touched her in places no one else had before- places even she was too shy to touch. But it would fade away. He was nothing special, there was no way she would just stay attracted to him.

But perhaps they should have talked before they had their first class together. Or at least seen each other. Because it nearly knocked the air out of her lungs.

There was something different about him, though she couldn't quite place what it was. But it made him seem so much more... ravishing. She thought perhaps he did it on purpose -whatever it was he did- just to throw her off balance.

She walked to the very back of the auditorium, sat down at the very last row of seats. She did not want to get any closer to him. And she did not want him seeing her staring. She couldn't help it. She stared. At the beginning of the lecture, she did her best to mute the idea that this was a man she desired in her head, and just pay attention to the subject. She looked at the power point presentation he had prepared and tried to take notes. But his voice sounded so much deeper and imposing in that class, it was impossible not to get lost in it.

Then she paid more attention to the way he moved his hands around, instead of what he was saying. She paid attention to the way he looked when he casually sat on his desk, to the way his eyes roamed over the students, without ever meeting hers. The way his dark curls danced over his forehead and covered the ears she knew were a little too big. It was weird but zestful. She couldn't bring herself to think of him as her professor. That was the man she had punched in the heat of an argument, who had spend New Year's with her and his parents, who had let her sleep on his lap in a taxi, who had tasted her in a drunken night... He wasn't her professor.

Yet he really looked like it. He really played the part nicely. And by the end of his lecture, she was soaking through her panties.

She ran out of the auditorium before he had the chance to see her. When she got to her dorm room and tried to revise her notes, she found out they consisted mostly of doodles of Kylo. She cursed herself. She had to get good grades. She had to. And that meant she had to get him out of her damn mind.

At the next lecture, she managed to somewhat control herself. That was, until Kylo -I mean, Professor Solo- asked a question she was certain she knew the answer to. So, hesitantly at first, she raised her hand. She noticed no one else did. That gave her a wave of confidence and she raised it higher. She saw his eyes fall on her, and she realized she had just given away her position. But it didn't matter, because he was her professor and she was his student, and nothing more.