Lost (A Rosewood Chronicle fanfic)

13 | bitter sweet

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Ugh... that stupid alarm. 

Ellie tried to lift an arm to turn off her alarm clock, but found that she couldn't. Her head felt heavy. Hammers thumped inside her brain, making her groan lightly in pain. 

"Ellie?"

That voice... sounded familiar. 

Ellie finally cracked her eye-lids open. Blurry vision cleared to Lottie's tear-stained face. She sobbed in joy, before hugging Ellie tightly. 

"I though you were gone." she whispered. Ellie's eyes were wide in surprise, until she smiled, and patted her back. Lottie got off Ellie, and she tried to sit up. The moment she moved her head, pain came crashing down. She groaned. 

Lottie fussed around her, putting her into a sitting position. She passed a white pill and water to Ellie. She eyed them carefully, before looking at Lottie. She cleared her throat. 

"It's a pain killer."

Ellie smiled slightly, taking the pill and glass. Her wrist throbbed in pain as she tightened her grip on the glass. She cringed, downing the pill. 

Taking a tentative sip of water, Ellie watched Lottie. Her best friend looked as beautiful as ever, but her eyes were bruised, her hair messy. Her uniform was crumpled, so very unlike her usual organised and tidy self. 

"What happened?" she groaned. Lottie froze, mid yawn. She coughed slightly. 

"Ellie... your wrists..."

Ellie looked down at her wrists, and saw the bandages. Then everything came crashing back. 

The drugs. 

The self-harm. 

Oh dear.

Fuck my life. 

"Ellie?"

Ellie slowly turned to face her friend. Her eyes were wide open, revealing the cornflower blue she loved looking into so much. She looked so scared... So lost. A lone tear escaped Ellie's eye. 

She placed the glass down calmly. "Ellie?" Lottie whispered once more. 

Her shoulders started shaking. Ellie raised a palm and clapped it over her mouth to choke down the sobs. She closed her eyes tightly. 

"I'm... s-so..." she whispered. 

Lottie tackled her into a tight hug, letting Ellie's head rest on her chest. "It's ok, Ellie. Everyone breaks at some point." 

Ellie shook her head furiously. "No Lottie..." she whimpered, "if Mum and Dad find out about the drugs, I'm done for. Grandma gets worked over one tiny bruise, what will she t-think o-o-of..."

She burst into a fresh wave of sobs, wrapping her arms around Lottie. Clutching onto Lottie like she was her lifeline. 

Lottie held her tightly. She quietly shushed her, telling her it was alright. 

Ellie clutched her tighter, letting her smile slightly through her tears. It felt good to have someone by your side, no matter what you do. 

The two girls stayed like that, until Lottie coughed quietly. "Ellie, can't breathe."

Ellie chuckled, letting go of her. She rubbed her nose, grabbing her glass of water with the other hand. "So how long have I been out?" she asked, taking a sip.

"Three days, give or take." Lottie said. Ellie looked away, unable to meet her eyes. She sighed. The pain had subdued, but it still felt like the devil was making his mark in there. Lottie noticed her friend's pain, and shuffled out of her seat. 

"I'll go get the nurse." she said, heading for the door. Ellie nodded, still staring at her hands. She slowly closed them, then opened them. They ached. 

What she had done was strange. She didn't even know why she did it. Why she stole the drugs from the nurses's office. Why she harmed herself. 

Jamie left because of you...

Ellie gritted her teeth. It was a part of her that she couldn't ignore. It was always there, always questioning whether she actually deserved what she had. Always questioning whether she was good enough. 

She had tried hard to get Lottie to like her the way Ellie loved her. But she knew deep down that nobody could make another person love them. 

She sighed. Closing her eyes, she tried to block out that annoying voice. 

Jamie hates you... Lottie doesn't trust you...

"Miss Wolf?"

Ellie opened her eyes to see Lottie with a young nurse at the door. She nodded. The nurse hustled over with a clipboard and began asking questions. 

"Are you able to move?" Ellie nodded. 

"Are you able to talk?"

"Yes, Miss." 

"Do you feel dizzy or nauseous?"

"A little bit."

The nurse scribbled down her answers, and clipped her pen back onto her board. "OK! I'll be right back with the doctor." she turned to Lottie. "Miss Pumpkin, may I speak to you for a moment?"

Ellie saw Lottie shoot a worried look at her, before following the nurse outside the room. She could hear their muffled voices, but she couldn't make out what they were hearing. Through the small window on the door, Ellie could see Lottie looking upset and worried. She looked away. She couldn't bare watching her princess being upset. 

The door clicked open. Ellie looked up and smiled at Lottie. She smiled back. "They're going to monitor you for the next few days, then you can come back to school." Lottie said, sitting back down. Ellie nodded, sinking back into her bed and closing her eyes. She heard Lottie shuffle, before feeling a gentle kiss on her forehead. 

"Sweet dreams, Ellie." Lottie whispered. Ellie heard her walk to the door and heard it click shut. She felt tears prick her eyes. 

Love had never tasted more bitter. 

🐺

Lottie's mind raced as she wandered through the hallways to her dorm. Ellie could be unwell. She could have injuries that Lottie never saw. Internal scars. When Ellie woke up, Lottie was so thankful. She had began wondering what her life would be without her or Jamie. 

Jamie...

Lottie sighed. She reached Room 221, opening the door and flopping onto her bed. She stared at Mr Truffles, biting her lip. She loved Ellie. She truly did. But Jamie... 

Jamie always knew what to do. Jamie always knew whenever she felt down. Jamie knew her pain. Jamie knew everything about her. 

Lottie knew what he went through. The living torment he pressed onto himself. The demons he thought he hid so well. Demons that would eat him alive. 

Now Ellie had demons... They all did. 

Lottie never thought she'd be this conflicted. She wanted to help them feel better... make them feel better. 

You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. 

And Ellie... Ellie loved her. She trusted her. And she couldn't return her feelings. 

But what could Lottie have done? She couldn't tell her she loved her back then break her heart by loving Jamie. 

And Lottie had thought that love would be as sweet as Lola and Micky. 

Well. Es ist suß aber bitter.