What Will Be (Chibs and Juice)

6

Fillip could tell how tense Juan had gotten. He was jumpy and skittish again. He had sat himself down on the sofa but he didn't move, he was very stiff and awkward. He sat with his hands between his knees on the edge of the seat, eyes taking the room in.
"Ye wanna tea or somethin lad?"

"N-no thank you Chibs- um. I mean Fillip."

Fillip chuckled. "Is alright lad. Takes some gittin used too. Callin you Juan Carlos ain't so simple ye numpty. Wats got you call perched up?"

Juan shook his head and swallowed. "Just in a new place."

"Tha's not all. An I know it. Lad don't lie to me." He sat beside the man on the couch, pulling him into his side casually. He rubbed circles into the sides of his head. Juan relaxed a little but he was still tense.

"Where am I gonna sleep tonight?" He all but whispered against the others mans chest.

"Where ever yer comfortable. If tha's wha yer worried about, don't."

"Are w-we gon-gonna talk about the other night?"

"When yer ready we can. Nothin to rush."

"I-I am ready. I need to get it over w-with. Stressing over it."

"Ah. Okay. Well. I'm here. Say whatever ye need to. Take yer time lad."

He swallowed, and sat up, turning so he could look at the other man. He fiddled with his fingers, looking at Fillips face and then the couch again, back and fourth.
"Did you mean what you said? That you want to help me?"

"Of course. Tha's why we're here." Fillips heart raced in his chest. He knew he had decided he wanted the lad to come to him, but he didn't know what the lad would want, what conditions he may have. Would he want the same thing he wanted? Really? When it came down to reality, and practicality would he commit to Fillip that way? How would this work within the club? Thoughts were rapid firing and he realized the lad was staring at him concerned.
Fillip took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you Chibby. I shouldn't have said all that." He looked down at the couch sadly.

"Woah woah dammit now lad. Ye haven't freaked me out. Slow down." He was mentally kicking himself, because of his own thoughts he'd missed what the kid had said, thus he felt like he'd already failed. "I'm sorry lad. My head took off and I didn't get everything you said. Tha's my own fault. Will you please tell me again?" He lifted his chin with the crook of his finger smiling sweetly at him.

Juan nodded, seeming much more relaxed than he had.
"I said that, I'm a lot to handle. I have all the weird fucked up thoughts and I don't think you could imagine what they consist of. If you knew I'd be scared you wouldn't actually like them. I mean I know babbled some nonsense about wanting someone to help take care of me and such but I don't even know how to explain what I want because I'm not even really sure. I just know when I'm around you my head feels clearer but then I get all nervous because I'm going to fuck up what we have by saying something stupid. I mean I've never explored anything unconventional outside the internet and the crow eaters are occasionally into some kinky stuff but it doesn't fill the void I have this desire I have. I feel like I need your approval. I need you to be proud of me. I do everything you say because I need too. I don't know why Chibby. I now being gay is wrong and shit. I know the club with not be okay with that but I think I am. Or Bisexual? I don't know. I'm so fucked up."
He was quickly rambling again. Fillip let him, listening to every word this time.
"Yer not fucked up lad. Confused and complicated sure, but not fucked up. I am proud of ye. I doubt there's anything ye can tell me that would scare me off. Always be honest with me Juicy Boy. Always. I love ye. Ye know that. I meant what I said, I can be tha person for ye Juan. We just have to talk about what that means to each of us. As far as the club goes, we tell them what we have to, when we have too. I'll handle tha."

Juan settled back against Fillips side, and relaxed. He let out a sigh.
"Feel better?"

"Yes, for now. Thanks Chibby."

"Okay boyo. Let's hang out for the rest of the afternoon. We can pick up the rest later. Ye seem tired."

Juan was already asleep, breathing shallowly against him. He turned himself on the couch and laid his head back, thinking now would be a good time for a nap. He'd have to order out dinner as well tonight, or go to the store. He opened his phone and sent Jax and Tig a message that they'd be out a few more days. Jax's only concern was that Juice get his head right. They all agreed this trip should help. No one knew where they were, when they'd be home. No one knew what he had planned.

He let himself relax against Juan, holding his limp sleeping body close, he drifted into a calm sleep.