What Will Be (Chibs and Juice)

34

Chibs made his way back to his cell his heart aching. Seeing his love like that had made him feel worthless being locked up. Further reinforcing that he needed out of this life.

He went into the small cell and lay on his hard bunk. He felt a stab of jealousy towards Tig, the man was known for being weird and not always "nice." He knew Juicy loved him, but he couldn't help feeling like the lad would drift to Tig over the year. He had to push the thoughts from his mind and try to be grateful that someone was at least caring enough to keep an eye on him.

Anger at himself took the place of the jealousy as he thought of the things he was shorting Juice on. He just got him to open up, to be vulnerable, to start exploring his little side. In the end of it all Chibs didn't care if he decided he wasn't as into being little as he thought, or if he really loved it, he just wanted to be the safety net to someone who'd never had it. He'd promised to be that for him and here he was. In this stupid fucking prison cell, doing the exact opposite while another man steps up.

Sighing he covered his face with his pillow and let himself think back on times he'd spent with Juice before this all started.

* Fiona calls and tells him she doesn't think they will work like this even though Jimmy is gone. Kerrianne wants to come spend the summer but Fiona won't be joining her. "I will always love you Fillip, but I've got to learn how to be me again." He'd been devastated, having spent so long believing they'd be together one day again. It wasn't even the loss of love he was upset about. They hadn't been in love for years, it was the loss of family. The complete loss this brought. He'd sat at the bar that night drowning himself in scotch content in his misery. The music was too loud, the girls were annoying him and he didn't want to be there. He grunted trying to stand and stumbled over onto the ground cursing in Gaelic. Juice, still a prospect at the time, had been either daft and brave or put up to the task of taking care of Chibs. He gently took the bottle from his hands and helped stand. He ignored the fight Chibs tried to put up. He held on tighter, making it a point to let Chibs know they were leaving despite his efforts to protest. It was a slow dragging walk to the van but Juice has loaded him in and drove him home. He didn't ask questions, he just smiled almost apologetically as if it were he that done something wrong.

Chibs laughed into his pillow at that thought. The daft lad always thought everything was his fault.

He'd slowly dropped him onto the couch and removed his boots. Grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and offered it to Chibs. "No lad. It's boiling in err. Ye wan bring me a bucket?" He slurred out but Juice got the jist of  it bringing the trash can over beside the couch. He wet a wash cloth and blotted his neck and forehead with it as Chibs emptied the liquor from his gut. Juice had just accepted the situation, no explanation needed. He wanted so badly to prove his worth that he was willing to put up with Chibs.

Again Chibs huffed out a half laugh, now knowing the kid just wanted Chibs to know he was there for him. Essentially no matter what.

Chibs had rolled his limp heavy body into a weird ball, half on the couch half off. His head rested against Juices leg and he cried. This was the first time he'd shown vulnerability to a prospect, and it just had to be one he was sponsoring. In the moment he hated himself for being weak, but Juice never said a rude word. Just rubbed his hair and whispered affirmations to him about how things would be okay. "Nothing could be so bad you cant make it through. You have the Sons, you have me. I don't know what you're dealing with, but you can always come to me. No sense in trying to drown Chibs." He'd sounded so confident Chibs believed him.

Rolling onto his side, he was stuck inside his memory. He thought about how those words Juice had spoken to him had come back, regurgitated from his own mouth to the lad. He'd leaned on Juice many times, needed him to be strong for him so he could break. Knowing what he knew now it almost seemed cruel.

There was shuffling in the room, he cracked his eyes open a little pushing the pillow up to see. Jax sauntered into the cell and plopped onto Chibs bed.

"You alright old man."

Chibs grunted.

"Who came to visit you? Hear you ain't been right since."

Chibs internally rolled his eyes. He didn't know the visit was done on the down low.

"Juice is all. They made em split up. Jus  hate bein in here, and I gotta headache."

"Well, I got good news from Lowen. Some of us might be paroled early, some of us not. She didn't specify who, think we get to choose. That'd be great yeah? Get out in a few months instead of a year? Figured me and the prospect could stay, he can earn his place and I can serve for my men."

Chibs looked up at him now in shock. "When's this go down?"

Jax sighed. "It has to go through the court but she should have some information about a hearing soon. You staying here or going to the cafeteria for dinner?"

He thought for a minute, he wasn't hungry, he just wanted to mope and miss Juan. He sat up on his bunk and stretched. "What time is it?"

Jax shrugged, there wasn't a clock any where near by. He grabbed his smokes and pocketed them. "Well I'm going out to the yard with the guys. Don't be long, we don't travel alone Chibs." He gave him a pointed look. Chibs nodded, getting the message.

The group made their way to the yard, Chibs dragging along with them. He played the role of "alright" well enough but Jax knew something was up.

"We have a meeting with AB and the Chinese in the yard. It'll be quick, checking on deliveries. Don't separate." Jax spoke low so only his group could hear. Chibs sighed to himself, this shit was getting old and today he didn't give a single fuck about deliveries, the AB or the Chinese. He didn't give a shit about the club, because of the "club" he was in here. His anger was creeping back into him. He loved the guys, he hated the club.