What Will Be (Chibs and Juice)

23

Juan opened his eyes slowly, his head was pounding and everything was blurry. He wasn't sure what happened, he knew something wasn't right. Last thing he remembered was sitting in the tub talking to Fillip. Fillip... he wasn't here. Juan suddenly felt panic creeping into his chest. Where was he? Where was Fillip? How long had passed since his bath? He didn't know. He tried to control his breathing and sat up on the bed. He was only in a pair of shorts he didn't recall putting on, and he suddenly had a strong urge to vomit.

He slowly climbed out of the bed and squinted trying to make his eyes focus. Smell. He smelled the strong scent of old spice and leather. He was at Fillips house, he was safe. Where was Fillip? What the hell had happened to him.

He shuffled his feet going back towards the bathroom. Fillip stopped him before he made it far. He'd been sitting in the chair by the bed watching Juan for two hours. Two hours he hadn't moved, he watched his breathing, making sure he was alive. He hadn't known what made the boy faint like he had but it had scared him. He was worried enough to call Tara. All he could think was, what if Juan had been alone? Had this happened before? Was he ill? Did he do something stupid? Fillip tried not to think about the last part, he believed Juan wouldn't do that again he had promised.

"Yer up lad? Ye feel alright? Ye scared me half to death." Fillip sounded shaken, he was very worried.

"I'm alright. What happened?" Juan rubbed his eyes some more, his voice sounded distant and tired.

Fillip grabbed his arm gently and walked him to the chair. "I don't know. Tara is on her way over. Give ye a once over. Ye ever faint like this before?"

Juan shook his head no.

"Well there had to be a reason. We will find out."
He patted Juan's back.
Juan tensed instead of relaxing. He was fairly certain he knew why he'd fainted. He'd taken some extra recreational medication that afternoon. His anxiety from the road was getting to him and needed to calm down. He hadn't noticed any affect from it, until he stopped moving. He noticed in the tub how his heart began to race,and not just from love. His thoughts had started to get foggy, and he was missing a chunk of time. He hadn't messed up like that in a long time. He tried to think about the dosage of the pills. Had they been different? He bought these off a kid near the mall, almost a year ago. Hadn't really taken them except one other time. He started to feel panic again. He couldn't remember when he took them before. Nothing from that day, after he purchased them and got home. There was blank. He remembered when time started again though. Just like this time, only he didn't know how much time passed then. He made a mental note to flush the rest of those devils.

He didn't want Fillip to know, he detested drugs. He would throw him out if he knew he had been high, nothing he'd said would have even mattered. Juan couldnt shake the feeling that Fillip would give up on him. He had no faith in love and how far it went. Especially now, everything seemed void. Clay was gone, he knew his brothers had done it. So many others had been let go the same way, over whatever infraction seemed serious enough. How was that love? How was that family?

"Don't need the doc Daddy. I'm alright really. Maybe just exhausted."

Fillip raised a brow at him, but he decided not to push the issue. "Well if ye day yer fine then I'll believe ye. If it happens again I'm calling the doc. No arguments."

Juan smiled and nodded, secretly knowing it wouldn't happen again because he'd flush his supply. Though he felt a little guilty keeping a secret from Fillip, he felt it was necessary. His head was feeling less foggy but he was still sleepy. He knew it wasn't close to bed time though, the sun was still up.
"Oh. You said you'd tell me about Clay. Can we talk about that now?" He wanted to change the subject even if the topic were grim. He stood from the chair and walked over to where Fillip had sat on the bed.

"Ye still look tired lovey. Ye sure ye wan to hear about it now?"

Juan laid down and pulled Fillip with him. "Yes. Lay with me and tell me. I missed you so much."

Fillip pulled him in close and wrapped his arms around him. He missed Juan more than he thought he would. He kissed the top of his head and rubbed his arm as he began to tell him about the cabin.

Juan was in tears again by the end of his story even though he understood why Clay had to go. Fillip soothed him as best he could, letting him crumble in his arms.

Finally when sniffles were all he had left, Juan was too sleepy to do much else. The combination of the drugs he'd taken and the emotional emptiness he now felt were wearing him down.

Fillip paced his living room anxiously. Juan was in bed asleep but he couldn't turn his mind off. He was ready now more than ever to find a way out of Charming, out of the club. He had money put away, he could make it for a while on that. He had a house. He shook his head knowing it was too soon and too crazy to plan a future for someone he just started dating. Even more crazy he knew this was real. This was love.