A fire's shadow

A broken flame starts fading

Rain. It fell from the sky like tears down a crying face and hit against the window. Kai had come to the conclusion that he was the weirdest elemental master of fire there was. He was afraid of water, but he loved the rain. He was not a fan of the huge burning ball of fire in the sky called the sun, instead, he preferred the small cold rock that circled the earth called the moon. The only things about Kai that made sense with his element were his fear for water and his hatred towards the cold. But that gave another weird thing that was against his element, he hated the cold but loved the snow. The red ninja was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, which he had done for the past two hours. He felt mad, betrayed, broken, unloved, and unwelcomed. Lloyd came back about one and a half hour ago, but Kai hadn't bothered trying to talk to him. After all, what was the point in doing that, Lloyd didn't believe him, so why bother trying. Unlike the others, Kai had seen the good side of Shadow, and he was not going to just watch as Shadow suffered. He had not forgotten all the things Shadow had done and the fear Kai felt towards him, but since he was, in a way, a part of Kai, he felt like he had to help the dark persona, no matter what everyone else said. A sigh escaped his mouth as he got off the bed and made his way to the bathroom. When he came to the bathroom he turned to the sink. The red ninja splashed his face with some water. Feeling the fresh water splash against his face actually felt nice. He took a towel and dried his face and -after hanging the towel back- he then looked up and the reflection in the mirror caught his attention. The fire master stared at the face in the mirror, almost surprised it was himself. He looked so different than from last he took a look in the mirror, but if he was being honest, that had been over two weeks ago, at least since he took a real good look at himself. His eyes were a small shade of red caused by the lack of sleep. His scar went over his left eye and if Kai didn't know better, he could think it was from a cat or something. But what made Kai angry was not his facal look, it was him. He had suffered from self-hatred for about two years now, but ever since the whole thing with Shadow started, it had gotten worse. He hated the fact that he didn't know what to do to help Shadow. He hated the fact that he was unable to convinze his friends to give him a chance. He hated.....him... Resisting the urge to punch the mirror resulted in Kai clenching his fist tightly. He felt something sting on his arms and he flinched as he remembered what was on them. The scars. Scars from himself, his own doubts, his own hate, his own anger. He had given himself the scars, so he couldn't understand why he felt so guilty about it. Maybe it was because of how Lloyd had looked when he told him that he knew. Or was it something else? Kai didn't know. With a growl rumbling in his throat, he turned around and exited the bathroom. He didn't make it to his bed before he stopped dead in his tracks. It was the picture of him and the others that had caught his attention. He walked over to his desk and picked up the picture frame. He stared at the smiling faces scattered on everyone's faces -well, except for jay's since you were unable to see more than a quarter of is face-. He smiled sadly, "What happened to our team? We used to be so happy together. But I guess I was the one to ruin that." Putting the picture where it had originally been, Kai made his way to the door leading out from his room. "I need to blow off some steam." He opened the door and made his way down the hallway after closing the door behind him. When he came to the training room he saw that no one was there, which was a relief to the fire master. He took off his jacket, revealing his red tank top as well as the scars on his arms. He stepped in front of one of the training dummies and got into a fighting position. Taking a deep, relaxing breath before starting to punch the dummy. Unfortunately for Kai, Lloyd walked past the training room a few minutes after Kai started training. The green ninja stopped in his steps when he heard the sound of fighting coming from the training room. He quietly opened the door and peeked inside. He saw Kai attacking one of the training dummies over and over. The dummy received both punches and kicks from the red ninja, each harder and with more aggression than the last. Lloyd figured that something was bothering Kai since he was usually not this aggressive when training. But at the same time, Lloyd was afraid to get closer to the fire master, in case he accidentally got hit by a punch or a kick. Lloyd couldn't help but blush when he watched Kai. He had always admired Kai's handsome figure, both facial and bodily. Lloyd's gaze then fell upon the scars on Kai's arms. The green ninja almost teared up when he looked at them, to think that Kai had gone so low as to cut himself because of his best friend, that was something Lloyd had never thought was possible. Until he found out it had already happened. Kai let out a war cry and punched the dummy in the face with extream force causing it to fly back and then fall to the floor. Kai stood still in his position, panting. Sweat dripped from him and a few tears escaped his eyes as well, but Lloyd thought it was sweat too. "Kai?" Lloyd cringed at the unsure and worried tone in his voice. Kai froze. He got out of his fighting stance and wiped away the tears before turning to Lloyd, "Hey, greenie. What's up?" Lloyd was a little shocked by the sudden happy tone in Kai's voice seeing as he had been shouting with anger at anyone who dared knock on his door ever since he got back to the bounty. "I...Um...I just wanted to check up on you. So how are you doing?" Kai walked over to the dummy and put it back against the wall for the next person to use, "I'm fine." Kai hoped that Lloyd didn't notice the unsure tone in his voice. Luckily, Lloyd didn't notice it at all. "Well that's good, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie or something with me and the others?" Kai tensed up and refused to meet the green ninja's eyes, "No. I don't feel like it today." "Oh.." Lloyd sighed sadly. Kai grabbed his jacket and walked over to Lloyd who was still standing in the doorway, "Could you please move. I'm going to take a shower." Lloyd stepped out of the way and stared after Kai as he walked down the hallway to his room. The green ninja sighed sadly and made his way to the living room where the others were. Nya perked up her head as Lloyd entered the room, but her expression changed when she saw the sad look on Lloyd's face, "He didn't wanna join?" Shaking his head, the green ninja responded, "No. He said he didn't feel like it. But to be honest, does he ever feel like it anymore?" The others looked down and Nya sighed, "No. He rarely spends time with us anymore." Wu sipped his tea, "Perhaps, something is bothering him." "Yeah, that is a possibility, but we can do anything about it if we don't know what it is. I just wish he could tell us what's wrong." Lloyd sighed as he made his way to the couch and sat down.

It took them about thirty minutes to pick a movie as Jay and Cole were arguing about which one to watch. They were twenty minutes into the movie when Kai walked into the living room. He had changed clothes. He was wearing the same black jacket as before with the hood pulled up. But now he had a black tank top with the text "Hot like fire" written in red on the front. His pants were a pair of ripped black jeans and his shoes were the same red sneakers as usual. He still had the necklace hanging around his neck. He didn't even give a glance to the others as he walked to the door and went outside. Lloyd was about to follow him when Nya stopped him, "I think he needs some space right now." The green ninja sighed and sat back down, turning back to the movie.

Kai stood at the front of the bounty, his elbows resting on the railing, staring at the moon. It was a full moon this night and Kai could not help but want to look at it. The bounty was stationed flying over Ninjago city and Kai had a clear view over the city. He noticed that the city was a lot quieter than usual tonight. Kai had never been the kind of person to open up about his feelings or thoughts to anyone. He always solved his personal problems on his own and got a bit pissed if someone tried to help him. The other ninjas had learned to stay out of his way whenever he was struggling with personal problems. The only two that sometimes involved themselves or tried to help was Lloyd and Nya. He appreciated that they cared, but he didn't want to be a burden to them so he always refused their help. There had been times where his personal problems affected the whole team, and in those cases, he had no other choice than to let them help him, no matter how much he wanted them to stay out of it. Kai had secrets from his friends, most were small things that didn't matter much, but there was a handful that could change a lot of things in the team. Kai felt like he always had good reasons to keep his secrets, but sometimes, there weren't any good reasons. The wind picked up a little and started blowing gently through Kai's brown hair. He then, without any warning, started crying. Not tears of happiness or sadness. Just quiet, broken tears. They streamed down his face like a river and fell down towards the city when they reached his chin. He sunk down to the floor and leaned his back against the railing as the tears continued to escape his eyes. He didn't try to make them stop, or wipe them away, he just let them stream down his face, almost as if he didn't care anymore. Which he really didn't. He just didn't see a reason to keep trying to fix himself when he just kept 'accidentally' break himself over and over again. The only reason he had stopped cutting was that the others almost found out about it so he resisted it just to make sure they never found out. But now Lloyd knew, he would surely tell the others sooner rather than later, if he hadn't already, so what was the point. They had already banned him from the kitchen and rarely gave him permission to use his katanas while training, so what more could they do. But he didn't want to start again. He knew it was bad and wouldn't help anyone, and yet, he reached for the pocket knife he had gotten from his father on his last birthday before they died. Kai looked at the folded knife. The handle was made out of redwood, it had been lacquered so it shone in the moonlight. more tears formed in the red ninja's eyes as he read the text that was engraved on the wood, "Keep the fire burning". Back when Kai got the knife, he had thought it was some kind of tip to when you were out camping or something like that. But now, he knew it was a quote that in Kai's situation, meant to never give up. When Kai had first realized that was what it meant, he had gone by that whenever he was hurt and down when on a mission or in a fight, more than the first rule of the ninja, even though they were the same thing. But now, not even the words could prevent Kai from folding out the knife, rolling up his sleeve, and bringing the blade towards his skin. His vision was clouded by tears so he had done all that without even thinking or seeing what he was doing. Just as the blade was about to touch his skin and start cutting through it, a hand grabbed Kai's wrist and stopped him. "Don't even think about it."