I won't give up on you (Cimorelli)

Chapter 5: Dani

We came home after Lauren's funeral. I went into Christina's, Kath's, and Amy's room knowing that I could never go back into mine, Lauren's and Lisa's room, not because it'll remind me of the guilt and Lauren but also Lisa. She hates me. And I know that she means it. Lauren always had her attention no matter what. I didn't know that Lauren would go so far to get attention. Killing herself? I mean that's low even for me. But then I remember the way Lisa looking at me with so much hatred. I've never seen her so angry or hate someone as much as she hates me. Lauren had this perfect little world where everyone adored her. Especially Lisa. People didn't give me enough attention, everything revolved around Lauren and I know that I could never compete with her especially when it comes to Lisa's attention. Maybe it was because I was late in the band or I was the youngest. I wanted that, I wanted everyone to adore me like everyone adored Lauren. I wanted my older sisters to look at me with that admiration in their eyes. Especially Lisa's. I wanted Lisa's attention because Lauren had it. The person's attention I wanted the most because Lauren had all of it and still does. I got the attention of my other sisters. But the day we lost Lauren the first time, guilt washed over me and I admitted the truth. That was the first time, I saw Lisa's hatred for me. But I also saw pain and broken beyond the anger and hatred. I broke my big sister. The second time, we lost Lauren, for real, I bawled my eyes out. That was the day, I was disowned by Lisa as her own sister.

~Flashback~

We were all waiting outside of Lauren's room in the hospital. Lisa was in her room though. Christina said to give her alone time with Lauren since she was the one who had to witness her die and she just woke up so Lisa wanted to talk to her first. Even when Lauren was in that hospital, she got Lisa's attention even though Lisa had other sisters to worry about. An alarm rang and doctors and nurses ran into Lauren's room. Lisa came out with tear-stained on her face.

" THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, I HATE YOU!" She screams at me and that broke me. She was about to punch me and I brace myself for the impact but it never came. I look up to see Kath holding her back. Kath tried to calm her down but Lisa ended up breaking down, mumbling that Lauren was gone. Then it hit me. I killed my own sister because of my lies. She didn't wanna live anymore because of me. I fell to the ground, hugging my knees, crying.

" I HATE YOU, DANIELLE NICOLE CIMORELLI!" Lisa growls at me, making me cry even more. I felt arms around me. It was Christina by the smell of the person. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt Lauren, I didn't mean it, I swear," I sob against her chest. All I wanted was Lisa's attention and my older sisters'  as well I didn't mean to go that far.

" I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt Lauren, I didn't mean it, I swear," I sob against her chest.

" It's gonna be ok," she says, I'm not sure if it was to comfort me or her.

" It will never be the same, it will never be ok, I saw her die in front of me, in my flipping arms, MY ARMS, do you understand that I had to witness her die, it was like the first time, I found her, but I was late, I was too late to save her, the feeling of my own sister's blood in my hands, the way she weighted nothing my arms, but you know the difference then and now, doctors saved her and she was breathing but now she's not ALIVE, all because of you, Danielle, because you wanted our attention because you were jealous of your own sister, I hate you, and you are not my sister," Lisa says to me, running out of the hospital. I cried harder. I lost both of my sisters. We had stayed on the ground crying.

~End of Flashback~

I cried myself to sleep. I'm so sorry Lauren. I didn't mean to hurt you. I lost my best friend, my sugar, my older sister. I love you, Lauren. I hope you forgive me someday.