Lauren is dead. We held her funeral. I know she's dead. But she's here alive, breathing, standing before us. I couldn't move nor did I notice that I was crying. Kath broke the silence.
" Lauren," she says her voice cracking.
" Hi, Kath, I missed you," she says sounding different. It's been months since we had heard her voice except Lisa. She was like mute to us. She stopped talking.
" I'm so sorry, Laurie, I'm so sorry, I love you so much," Kath says using Lauren's nickname. I hug Kath since Lauren looks conflicted on what to do. Usually, Lauren would just hug us when we were feeling down but ever since we picked Dani's side, we pulled away not wanting to be near her but right now, just a smile from her would do. We mess up bad.
" I forgive you, all of you, I just hope Lise forgives me for leaving her," she says sadly at the last part. The thought of Lisa not forgiving Lauren is hard to image. I wonder what she's so worry about. She and Lisa were the closes and still are.
" I'm sorry, Lolo, I'm the worst sister in the world, I was suppose to watch over you but I made your life hell," I say finally finding to my voice.
" Your not the worst sister in the world, you did what you thought was better for Dani, and don't you dare say you are the worst sister in the world, because there are million of people out there to have you as their sister, I was lucky to have you as my sister, well the Christina that loved and cared for me, my birthday twin, and I will always love that Christina," she says. I lost her again and even though she's not dead, I still lost her. She doesn't even consider herself as my baby sister. I wanted to hug her but when I had step forward, she took a step back, flinching. That hurt. I stepped back with tears in my eyes once again. My baby sister is afraid of me. That scares me.
" I'm not gonna hurt you," I say. She doesn't believe me. I could see it in her eyes.
" Home is where we both are, Lise," she says closing her eyes. She takes a hold of Lisa's hand. Though she has her eyes close and her body is facing towards me, she says, " I'm here, Lise, just open your eyes, please, I promise I'll be here when you wake up, just please wake up, I'm sorry, please don't leave me, I need you, I need my big sister, my moose, my home, please." Lisa doesn't make any movement. She opens her eyes looks at my own greyish ones. Broken. That's all I see when I look into her eyes. Just like Lisa. A person entered the room. She looked about 28, and she's wearing a nurse outfit so I'm guessing she works here.
" Excuse me, ma'mas, I'm sorry but visiting hours are close," the lady says. I see her approach Laur. I thought she was gonna flinch like she did with me but instead she jumped into her arms.
" She's gonna make it, ok, just stay strong for you and for her, like she did for you, ok, believe that she's gonna survive this, that nothing will stop her from coming back to you and I know that this wasn't the way you wanted to see her again but at least you know that she's closer to you then over," the lady says stroking my sister's hair. Jealous flared in me. That's my job. The job that I lost. I look at Laur who look so at ease with her. I kissed Lise's head before leaving and Kath followed. Lauren followed too. I didn't see the nurse though. I was able to sign Lauren out. No one spoke a word to anyone, Kath drove us home with so much tension in the air. We got home and entered the house.
" Your things are still in your room, just call out for us if you need help," I say. She nods her head and run upstairs.
" She hates us," I say. I felt arms around me.
" She just fears us, Chris, we just gotta earn her trust and if she is anything like Lisa, that will be a difficult thing to earn," Kath says kissing my temple.
" Just give her time and space, and don't pressure her," she says. Night time was here already.
" Let go to bed," she says. I nod my head and we head upstairs. We enter our room to find our two younger sisters asleep. After changing, I climbed into my bed and Kath climbed into hers. I was scared and I haven't felt like this since that day.
" Kath?" I whisper into the darkness, hoping to get a reply which I did. I know that I'm the big sister and all and have to hold everyone up but what about me? Who would tell me that everything will be ok and that there was nothing to fear.
" I'm here," she says. Before I could say anything, she climbed into my bed and had her arms opened for me to go into. I do.
" Everything will ok, Stina," she says running her hand through my hair. I really love Kath. I do. Even though she's 2 years younger than me, I feel like she's the older sister. I began to sob. Letting everything out that I have been holding in for the last 2 months.
" I messed up, Kath," I say but was muffled by her shirt.
" Everyone makes mistakes and we can't do anything to fix that but learn from it and retry to make things better even if it can take years," she says.
" Now sleep, we have to go back to the hospital tomorrow," she says kissing my head.
" Night, love you," I say snuggling into her embrace more.
" Love you too," she says before closing her eyes.
A new day head tomorrow and I hope it's a better day.
YOU ARE READING
I won't give up on you (Cimorelli)
Fanfiction" Pain change people, it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out" "You are only given one chance to live don't mess it up just change the course of your life if things gets bad because your life is worth living for"
