Married to the Mafia

Chapter 3

I lie in the strangers bed and stared up at the ceiling. I should have been shocked that I had gone home with someone I didn't even know, but I felt nothing. I had enjoyed my time with him, I had felt things I hadn't felt in over a year. It had been nice to be treasured again. To be called beautiful. 

I slid quietly out of the bed and grabbed my clothes, getting changed before slipping out of the door and hailing a cab. 

When I got home I had a shower and walked into the kitchen in just a towel, looking for something to eat. I found a plate wrapped in cling wrap, Mayuzumi had been around yesterday and had cooked and cleaned for me again. I stared at the plate, debating not eating it out of principle but I was hungry so I heated it up and quickly scoffed it down. After that I lay down on the couch with the television on but not really watching it. I thought over last night. I was waiting for the guilt or for me to break down after what I had done but I just felt so empty. Akashi had been my first for everything, the only man I had let touch me but he had well and truly moved on and I was the only one who was still living in the past, thinking that there was still something between us. I ran my fingers along the necklace I still wore. It was the proof that he had loved me once, that he had called me mine, they I had belonged to him but somehow he had still walked away so easily. I guess he didn't want someone so damaged and dirtied. I scowled as my back ached in response to my thoughts and glared out the window, sure enough, rain clouds were rolling in. I hated the rain, it made me depressed and all my scars ached. I headed back into the kitchen and grabbed out a bottle of wine, pouring myself a glass and returning to the couch with both it and the bottle. 

I drank as I continued watching the television but before long it was gone and when I went to the fridge for more, there was none. Cursing, I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed down stairs. As soon as I stepped outside I cursed again. It was raining. Pulling the hood up over my hair I started down the street. There was an alcohol store a few blocks away. I only got half way when I was soaked to the bone and shivering and saw a small bar nearby so I ducked inside, shaking my wet hair and squeezing out my jacket. I figured I might as well have a drink while I waited for the rain to subside. 

I was so lost in the drinking and my own thoughts that I hadn't realised that the rain had subsided and the bar had filled up. I was going to leave when someone sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Hey, come and join us, no one should be alone on such a fine night!"

I glanced at the man, noticing he was kind of attractive, big, tall and tanned, nothing like a certain red head I knew so I nodded. It would be better than going home alone with my thoughts. I had fun and ended up going home with the tanned man but in the morning I was left with the same empty feeling. Drinking and sex filled the void and made me feel human again but when it was over I was left with nothing so I turned to the internet, to hook up apps so I could keep feeling again.

For a week that is what I did. I didn't go without somewhere to sleep as the men always had arranged a hotel room to meet up in. None of them were older than thirty and no red heads. I had one rule with them all, no kissing, everything else was fine. They all didn't seem to care, they were just happy to have my body and I was happy to feel something, anything. I had no boyfriend and no family to care about what I was doing or to judge me, I was living my life the best way that I could after being betrayed. I just wanted to feel special, loved, even if it was just for one night. 

At the end of the week I decided I needed to go home, get some new clothes and maybe just rest for the day. I went straight for a shower, changed into my own clothes and sunk into my own bed, enjoying the feeling of the silk sheets on my skin and quickly fell asleep.