Loving Lylah

Chapter 34

Lylah

2 weeks.
It had been two weeks since the night at my apartment.

And not once, not fucking once had he called, texted or even gave the slightest hint that he was alive and breathing.

It had been 2 weeks of pure agony for me. I called, I texted, (A/N: WE CLAWED WE CHAINED 🎶 okay idk why that came to mind) and still nothing. Not even the guys knew where he was.

The first week, I tried so hard to get in contact with him but when radio silence was what I got, I gave up. I remembered his words from that night and I asked myself why I was the one calling. Why I had to seek him out.

He broke my heart. Scratch that. He tore my heart out, cut it into pieces, put the pieces in a blender and made fucking juice out of it. That's putting it lightly. And fuck him for that.

At first, I'd been inconsolable. The girls came over everyday and tried to cheer me up but my heart refused. I was practically chained to my bed.

To say it hurt, is putting it mildly. It felt like my soul had been drained out of me. My heart was beating, functioning, I knew. But it felt like it stopped the moment he left that night. As much as I hated it, as much as I wished I didn't, I missed him. And not in the, "I haven't seen you in a while" kind of missing. No, it was the kind where you you feel like a half of you is missing, like someone took a shovel at you chest and dug it open. The kind where you feel hollow and empty and the only thing that can help you is having that person back. But you know that can't happen. Because you've already realized that they aren't coming back.

I tried to convince myself I'd be okay, but really, I had not a fucking clue. I didn't know if I'd ever be okay, because it certainly didn't feel like it. Sometimes, when the girls were over, it when some of the guys brought me ice cream, I'd feel happy. We'd laugh, crack jokes and when they'd leave, the same empty feeling came back. I suppose temporary happiness can't hide permanent sadness.

I'd been so tired of crying over someone who clearly didn't want me back. I hated myself for it. I missed him so much. And he probably didn't even care. He'd been a constant thought in my mind yet I probably never crossed his mind. Even if I knew he probably didn't care and didn't want me, it still hurt. I hated that I was still in love with someone who'd done me so wrong. It killed me to think that while I'd been nursing my broken heart, he was probably already with another girl.

This time apart really gave me somethings to think over. The way he'd so easily thrown away, everything that we'd had, made me question our whole relationship. If it were so easy for him to say those things, did he really love me? Because that's not something you say to someone you love. When you love someone, you trust them. You believe them and even when they're presented in a wrong situation, even when every goddamn piece of evidence is against them, you still give them a chance to explain. I know I would've done that for him.

In fact, if I recall correctly, I did. When he was in my shoes, a few moths back, I gave him the chance to explain things. I didn't accuse him of anything without hearing his side. Why couldn't he show me the same courtesy?

~

It was a Monday and I actually planned to go to school today. I'd been skipping for wayyy too long and besides, I was feeling better. I had moped over that asshole for far too long.

I hummed to myself, feeling cheery, for the first time in weeks. I walked into the kitchen, ready to get some caffeine in me and head to school.

The rain was pouring outside so I made a mental note to take my umbrella with me. Taking a mug, I turned to the coffee maker when I saw a bowl of cake batter.

Instantly, my mood dropped.

Flashback
***

"Jimin-ah! Don't! Don't you dare!" I screamed as I ran to duck behind the island.

"Tsk tsk, why bother hiding when you know I'll get you?" His taunting voice came from a few feet away. I peeked out to look at my boyfriend, covered in flour from head to toe, thanks to me. I muffled the giggle that came by covering my mouth with hand.

The bowl of batter was in his left hand while he scooped up some with his right hand. The deviant smile was on his face and his eyes sparkled with mischief.

I gasped out loud before shouting to my feet and sprinting towards the living room.

I didn't get much far when I felt the glop off batter stick to the back of my shirt. I let out a screech as I tried to speed up but in no time, I was being squeezed in Jimin's hold. I let out a giggle as he spun me around and gave me a kiss on the cheek, as he hugged me from behind.

***
Flashback end

My eyes stung with tears as I tried to hold it back. But that was a futile attempt cause in 5 seconds, I was sitting on the floor, clutching stomach and sobbing. God, I was a mess.

How could something so small set me off? Guess that goes to show how big an effect Park Jimin had on me.

And like every other time I broke down, I remembered every detail, every moment we spent together and wished that I could have that again. I wanted to beg him to come back because if that's what it took, then I was willing to bend my pride and ego for it.

Footsteps scurried down the hallway and soon, a very worried Blair appeared. I hiccuped through the sobbing and looked up at her with pleading eyes. Begging her to make the pain stop.

Wordlessly, she hurried over and wrapped me in her embrace. Instantly, I felt safe. I heard her murmurs as she rocked us back and forth before she took me to the couch, where I lay my head on her lap and tried to stop my cries.

"Lylah, honey, you need to stop." Her voice came out soft yet firm. "You need to stop thinking about things that only hurt you. I know that you must be feeling so lonely right now. I know you probably question everything. You must be thinking that there must be something wrong with you or there must've been something lacking for him to leave. Or that you won't ever feel okay again."

I was surprised by how accurate she was. Because honestly, she practically spoke my mind.

"But Ly, that's not true." She rubbed my back as her voice grew gentler. "You're not okay now. That's ok. But you won't always feel this ways I know it seems like nothing will ever feel right anymore but honey, it will. You will be okay."

"How do you know that?" I croaked out.

"Because you're Lylah. You're my best friend and you're this amazing, fierce woman that can beat anything. You shouldn't feel this way. You didn't lose him, he lost you. He didn't give you the fucking opportunity to explain and that's his fault. You did absolutely nothing wrong. And if he doesn't wanna come back, then fuck him. If he can't see your worth, then he's not worth it."

And when I heard those words, for the first time in a long time, I felt okay. Because even when everyone told me he'd come back or that everything was going to be fine, I couldn't believe it. I knew she was right and for now, I let myself believe those words.