You were tired of everything. Tired of your awful school. Tired of the people in this stupid town. Tired of your disgusting life. You didn't matter to anyone, that much you knew. You weren't pretty like Cheryl or Veronica. Guys like Archie Andrews or Fangs Fogarty didn't find you attractive, they found you weird. You hid behind a shell of fake smiles and personalities. So, you were ready to let it all go. No one noticed that you stopped eating and paying attention. No noticed the cuts on your arms and sides and legs. No one noticed that you tried to hide your tears in the bathroom after you'd throw up the food you tried to eat. No one noticed anything. So, you throw your things into your locker for the last time leaving a small note saying goodbye to the people who called you a friend, you taped it on the front of your locker. You said a silent goodbye to the school you hated as you walked through the hall. Tear stained face and a newly bleeding arm. You couldn't hear anything anymore your body had went numb from everything as you pushed the metal doors open. You don't notice the sun that hits your face or the smell of the outside. You get into your car and drive. Not to your house because that would be too status quo. You don't go to the river where Cheryl Blossom had tried to drown herself or where Jason Blossom was dumped. You go to your own place, the place where you thought no one would think to look. The old church and group home for troubled kids. You thought it kinda poetic that you'd throw your life away in the place that was built for troubled youth. You stop your car in front of the newly abandoned building and leave the keys inside as you slam the door. Your arm was no longer bleeding, it had dried up leaving a scab like film over the last un-lethal cut you would give yourself. You decided a week ago how you wanted to take your own life. You were not going to poison yourself like the sisters or hang yourself like Claudius and Clifford Blossom. That was too cliche. You wanted to feel something before you died. You've been numb for so long, you just wanted to feel it. So you grab the old razor you kept hidden in your phone case and throw your phone on the ground. You take it in one of your hands and push as hard as you can and slide it along your wrist. You watch as the almost black crimson pours quickly from the gash and covers your forearm. You take the blade in your other hand and do the same to your other wrist. You bite your lip as pain radiated up your arms and making your body shake. You stumble through the halls, leaving a trail of blood behind you. You stop in the old film room and sit on the bench. Tears had started to fall down your face again as your heart began to race.
"I don't want to live anymore," you say as your nose burns. "It hurts too much."
"Have you guys seen Y/N?" Kevin asks coming up to the group. "She disappeared at lunch." They all shake their heads. "Where's Reggie, maybe he has?"
"I think he went to his locker," Veronica says with Archie's arm slung across her shoulders. "He had a lot of stuff to shove in his black hole."
"I can help you find him," Betty offered. "And Y/N." Kevin nods gratefully as the blonde stands and follows him into the school. "What's that on Y/N's locker?"
"I'm not sure," he says going to the locker as Betty grabs the paper.
"Oh my god!" She says as her eyes scan the paper. Tears brim her eyes as she shows Kevin the note and she covers her mouth.
To the people who call me a friend,
It is probably not a shock to you that I was depressed. I tried not to show it, but lately I've grown lazy. I am tired of this stupid town and this hate filled school. I am tired of not feeling anything anymore and most of all hating myself. I am nothing important so it doesn't matter that I am going to take my life away. I am not the better Lodge sister. Yeah, finally, I know. I don't think that anyone will even find me gone until it's too late. And none of you will be missing me until you find out. I am not going home or to the river. I am going to the place for the troubled because I am troubled not only by my thoughts but by my looks and personality. I know that I will never be as good looking as the rest of you, especially Veronica and I guess this is how I have come to terms with it. No one likes me in this school. So, I am going where I know no one can stop me. Don't try to find me, because it will be too late. I'm sorry that I had put this burden on your lives and that I wasn't as cool as the rest of you. I was the black sheep of you and I was weird and you didn't deserve that. Veronica, I am sorry for not being a good enough sister. I could've been better. Good bye.
Y/N Lodge
"Oh no," Kevin furrows his eyebrows. "We have to go stop her."
"Stop who?" Reggie asks with the rest of the group behind him.
"What's wrong?" Archie asked looking at their sullen faces. "Betts?"
"It's Y/N," Kevin says shaking his head. "She is going to try and take her life."
"What?" Cheryl asks grabbing the note and she shakes her head reading it. "We have to go stop her! She can't.." The red head begins to shake.
"Okay," Jughead nods slowly. "Okay, let's go. She says the place for the troubled. That could mean the bunker, the juvenile delinquent center, the sisters, or trail." Veronica stays silent as she rereads the note over and over. Unable to process the words written on it.
"She wouldn't do it in the bunker," Archie shakes his head. "She knows we'd look there and clearly she doesn't want that." Veronica pulls her phone out.
"She's at the sisters," Veronica says looking at her phone. "I have her location."
Your body was growing tired as it tried to fight to stay alive. Your breathing was becoming shallow and your vision was blackening in and out. Your body stopped shaking and you felt cold now. You thought you were watching one of the old tapes the sisters showed, but in reality nothing was there. You couldn't move anymore and you felt both heavy and light at the same time. Tears stopped falling from your eyes. Your body was no longer sat up, but slumped against the side. Sweat was falling from your face but you weren't hot. You closed your eyes and fell into the blackness. Finally, able to let yourself go and all of the weight that was on your shoulders. You finally felt content. No longer sad or angry. You weren't scared anymore either.
"There's her car," Veronica shouts and Reggie slides to a stop next to it. The car was barely in lark before everyone had their doors opened. Archie not far behind. "She's not in here."
"Of course she isn't," Reggie says. "Look, there's footsteps in the mud she's already inside."
"Guys," Kevin says as he pushes the door open. "Here's her phone." He picks it up from the ground examine the shattered screen.
"Careful," Jughead says. "It looks like there's a puddle or something next you."
"That's not a puddle," Archie shakes his head as he grows sick. Veronica and Betty widen their eyes as they realize that it was blood.
"Look," Cheryl says shining her flashlight down the hall. "It goes all the way down there."
"Y/N!" Reggie shouts down the hall already in a sprint. "Y/N!" The trail stops mid hall and they couldn't find you.
"God," Veronica shouts frustrated. "Where is she! Y/N!"
"In here!" Jughead calls from the end of the hall. He disappeared into the room.
"Oh my god," Cheryl says looking down at your limp almost lifeless body. Betty grabs her hand and tries not to look. Reggie and Archie were trying to stop the bleeding while Jughead was calling for help. He called Fangs and Sweet Pea after calling an ambulance. Cheryl's phone rings making her jump but she was unable to speak.
"Toni?" Jughead asks, you could hear his desperation in his voice.
"Why are you answering Cheryl's phone?" Toni asked. "Where is she?"
"She can't talk," Jughead says as he runs his hands through his hair. "It's Y/N, Toni, she... She tried..."
"Jughead? What happened to Y/N?" Toni asked. "Where are you?"
"Sisters," he says. "It's really bad, she tried to kill herself." He looks over his friends body that was now on the ground. "Toni.."
"I'll be there," Toni says quickly. "Don't... Don't stop whatever you're doing to keep her alive."
"Come on," Reggie says as he presses on your arms to stop the bleeding. He can feel the small beat of your pulse as he presses down. "Y/N, come on. You can do it. It's not your time yet. You still have so much."
"Kevin," Archie says quickly. "Hold her head." Kevin nods and drops to his knees running his hands through your hair as he lifts your head. "Okay, I need something to tie up here." He looks around for something. "Betty go see if the sisters have anything, hurry!" She nods as she and Cheryl rush out of the room.
"I can't get it to stop," Reggie said. "I don't think tying it going to do anything. She's lost too much blood and she's barely breathing."
"Well, we have to try," Archie shouts. "Okay! We have to do something or it will be too late by the time someone shows up to help!" Veronica lifts her hands to her head, no knowing what to do. She notices that other cuts on your sides as your shirt is lifted and she feels guilty as she remembered her past in New York. She kneels next to you and tried to help.
"Here," Cheryl gives them each a tourniquet. "Tie it above to help. Someone has to get her breathing again, she's turning blue!"
"Got it," Reggie says as he tightens the knot. He places his hands on your chest and tries his best to remember the tempo he was to push his hands with. He was relentless as he pushed and threw air into your lungs. You were still unresponsive. Toni shows up first and pulls Cheryl into her. She looks over the group who were keeping you alive and let's her own tears fall. The paramedics come and they teach the room full of sick teenagers.
"Sir," one says putting a hand on Reggie's shoulder. "We can do this, we need you to back up."
"No," Reggie shakes his head. "I can't. I can't let her go."
"I'm sorry," she said. "But we are gonna need you to. It's the only we can help her, you've done enough. Take a break." She gives him a look and he pulls away. "Alright, let's get the mask on her." The other nods and places a mask over your mouth and begins squeezing it. The lady starts assessing the wounds. "This is Unit six-one-two we are at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy Church and we have an unresponsive sixteen to twenty year old female who has loss consciousness and is unresponsive. She seems to have cut an artery and a large amount of blood was lost. She has shallow breathing and her pulse is weak."
"Come on Y/N," Betty says into Jughead's shoulder. Kevin looks down at his hands and pants that were covered in their friend's blood. Veronica buried her face in Archie's shoulder crying as Archie looked distant.
"Let's get a stretcher in here!" Another paramedic nods and goes into the hall where he pulls a fluorescent stretcher in and lowers it. "Three... Two... One." They move your body onto it. "Are any of you family?"
"I am," Veronica says faintly. "I'm her sister."
"Well, let's get the sister in," the EMT says. "The rest of you are gonna have to find a ride. I am so sorry."
"Okay," Betty nods slowly looking at her best friend. "V we will be right behind you."
"Come on, sweetie," the lady says wrapping a blanket around her. "Have you called your parents?" She shakes her head as she is lead to the back of the ambulance. "I think you should."
"Mom?" Veronica says into the phone, her lip is quivering. "Something happened, mom. You and Daddy have to come to the hospital right now."
"Veronica?" Her mother spoke fast and desperately. "Veronica, what happened? Are you and Y/N okay?" Veronica let's out a sob. "Veronica?" She hears her mother call her fathers name.
"Veronica, Mija," He says. "What happened?"
"Y/N," she sobs. "She is really hurt and I don't know if she is going to make it. She tried to take her life, daddy."
"Okay," He says slowly. "We will be there. It's okay, mija. We will be there soon. Stay on the phone."
"I can't," she shakes her head. "I can't lose my sister."
"I know," Hermione says now. "Baby, It will be okay." Veronica could hear the sound of her mother's heart breaking as she said that. "It's going to be alright, she is a Lodge."
"It's bad, mom," she says looking over her sisters blood soaked clothes. "I can't..." The ambulance comes to a halt as they rush you out and then Veronica. "We are at the hospital."
"Veronica!" Betty calls. "Did anything happen in the ambulance?" She shakes her head.
"She did this because she thought she wasn't as good as me," Veronica says. "She is so much better than me though. Betty, she needs to know."
"She will," Archie says. "She will be okay."
"Lodge?" A doctor calls.
"Yes?" Veronica turns. "I'm Veronica Lodge."
"Your sister lost a lot of blood and needs a transfusion. She also is severely deficient in almost everything. We have her on several different saline drops to make sure she gets her nutrients. She seemed to be so out of it we have her in the OR because it seems that she may have somehow got a collapsed lung. It may have been caused by a fall after she became unconscious and the lack of nutrients."
"So? What happens?"
"We are going to go in and do everything we can do," the doctor explains. "She is weak, it seems your sister was suffering from anorexia or bulimia. We won't be sure until we go in. Her heart is weak."
"Thank you," Veronica says feeling sick as she walks back to the group. She sits slowly as they all look at her. "She was suffering not only from depression, but either anorexia or bulimia. And, I didn't know. I am her sister and I didn't notice."
"It's not your fault Ronnie," Archie sits next to her. "Anyone can hide it. It can happen to anyone."
"But, I didn't notice," she says shaking her head. "It would be different if it were any of you. I live with her. I grew up with her. I am the one who is supposed to know when something is wrong. I am supposed to help her, but I didn't. I didn't notice the cuts that cover her body. I didn't notice she wasn't eating. I didn't notice she was depressed and was ready to kill herself."
"It's okay," Betty says. "We aren't perfect and your sister was really good at hiding it. But, you know now. Which mean you can help her."
"If she even gets out of this," Veronica says burying her face in her hands. "I won't be able to forgive myself if she doesn't make it through this."
"Reggie," Archie looks up at his old friend. "I think you should sit. I know, your feelings for her." The rest of the group looks back at the tan boy. "Reg." He shakes his head before leaving them. He walks all the way to church. He wasn't religious, but he had felt the urge to go in. He would be alone at least.
He sat on the bench and looked up at the alter. He was silent as he thought back to the time he had spent with you. He thought of the little memories he had. The two of you bickered a lot, but you were still friends. You consistently seen each other at Veronica's Speakeasy. He thinks back to the first time he met you. Unlike how Veronica met Archie, Reggie met you at school. You had the same first period.
"Hey new girl alert," Chuck whistles pointing in your direction while nudging Reggie. "Double points for whoever hits that. Goes for her sister too." Reggie raised an eyebrow as he leans back in his seat eyeing your frame. "Reg, you hear?"
"Yeah," Reggie nods. "I heard, I bet I can hit both." He smirked cockily at Chuck and the rest of the bulldogs.
"You do that, you get a hundy in points," Chuck chuckled. "If not, you get nothing."
"Whatever," Reggie rolls his eyes and stands up. "Hey, you are new here right?"
"Yes," You say giving him a look. "Y/N Lodge."
"Reggie Mantle," he introduces with his signature smile. "I'm a football player here at Riverdale High, as well as a basketball player. You gonna join the cheerleading squad? We need more people to cheer us on."
"Why not join the team?" You ask raising an eyebrow. "Play some football with the guys."
"Hey," He raises his hands up. "Do you. I'd just hate to see you get put down at how good I am."
"Noted," You shake your head. "I'll think about joining the squad." You look at your nails for a second. "And, Hey, I'll say we hooked up." You watch his eyes widen. "I'm not deaf... I'll get you your points if you go over and tell those boys how their manhood is false because they base it on a point system of sleeping with a girl instead of trying to actually be with them. Because, honestly it's not based on the number of points you stack up or girls you dick down. I find someone who is able to get to know a girl and be with her more manly then a guy who gets a girl in bed after the first date. I find those types of people trashy and honestly, unattractive. Those are the people who i imagine are the homeless people and the ones who get arrested for selling sex in the future."
"You are smart," he says and you shrug. "I won't tell anyone we hooked up, if you don't. But, I will see you around, Lodge."
"You too, Reginald," you smirk and he gives a confused look. "Seen the class roster." He shakes his head walking back to his seat.
"So?" Chuck asks looking at the other kid. "You gonna go out with her?"
"No," Reggie shook his head. "She's different."
"Different? Like lesbian?"
"What?" Reggie looks at him. "No. I mean, I'm not sure, but she is smart and funny. She's not throwing herself out there. And, she definitely can make you feel two inches tall."
"Whatever bro," Chuck rolls his eyes and turns in his seat. You smile pleased with your impression you left and stare at the front of the class. You see him later at cheerleading tryouts after Cheryl is more than pleased to befriend you and put you on the squad.
"You tried out," Reggie smirks at you. "Your dance was fire."
"Not as good as my sisters," you shrug. "She did great with that Betty girl."
"She did," Reggie nods. "Yours was still really good. And, let me say that you look damn good in that uniform."
"I would say the same, but you're covered in dirt, sweat, and what I am assuming to be dried blood," you say looking him up and down. "And, by the way, I am not lesbian. If that's why you are talking to me again. You guys really need to learn to keep your voices down."
"Sorry," He rubs his neck. "That's not why I came over here, though. I wanted to see if you were going to homecoming?"
"No," you shake your head. "It's not my scene. I'm gonna stay home and binge eat candy." He laughed. "Not joking. But, you have fun." You give him a thumbs up and walk away. "Don't watch me walk away Mantle." You hear him laugh again as you meet up with Veronica and her new friend.
Reggie's favorite memory though was one that didn't make a lot of sense to many. It was after Chuck posted that picture and the duo of B and V outed the team. The two of you had two of you hadn't spoken for months after. He wanted to find a reason to talk again and when there was a partner project. It gave him the perfect excuse.
"Hey partner," he smiled down at you and you give him a look. "Not being stupid, promise. Just saying we are partners." You nod, not saying anything. "I'm not saying this justifies anything, but I'm not the one who was expelled. I'm not like those other guys."
"I seen your name, Reginald," you shake your head. "So, it doesn't justify anything. But, if you really want to make me talk, give me a reason. Just one, on why I should talk to you and why I shouldn't hate you." He gives you a cocky smirk. "Only one. I don't want anymore and I want it by the end of this project. So you have a week."
The whole week he worked with you on the project. Not giving you a reason. But, making small talk. You guys worked after school into the night and he was a nice guy the whole time. And when you turn in the project you look at him expectantly.
"You are expecting a reason, but I don't have to give you one," he says. "Because whatever I tell you, you will make an excuse of why it's not just. So, I am not falling into your trap, Lodge. If you don't see me, as a person then maybe we should be friends or whatever we are." You only give him a smile, which confirms he was right.
"Well, Mantle, I will see you at the game tonight," You say standing from your seat. "I'm sure you are going to be 'fire'." He laughs as you walk away to meet Cheryl.
You were watching the speakeasy when Reggie walks in with a newly forming black eye which shocks you and you rush to him. "What the hell happened?"
"I asked too many questions," he shrugs. "It's nothing."
"That is not 'nothing'! That's a black eye, Mantle, who did this?" You ask going behind the bar and grabbing a bag and ice. He sighs sitting down. "Reggie."
"My dad," he sighed and you hand him the bag of ice. "It's nothing, really, I am okay."
"Reg," you sigh sitting next to him. "It's not, nothing. Does this happen a lot?" He nods. "Oh, Reggie... I'm sorry." He shrugs and presses the ice to his eye. "So, you aren't gonna talk about how this is abuse?" He gives you a look. "Guess not... Look, whatever you got going on with my sister and the others... It obviously is more serious then you all are letting on. This G&G crap is bullshit." You throw your towel on the bar. "And, if you're gonna go get black eyes about it and whatever else." You shake your head. "Veronica and the others should be here soon. I'm out." That was the first time you actually showed that much affection towards him. Sure you both knew you were friends, but it never got like that.
Reggie looks down at his hands again. "I don't do this very often... As you know, I guess. I don't really know what to say or what to do. But, I really wanna ask you to let Y/N be okay. It's not like a personal favor. She's just really good and she doesn't deserve to die so soon. I know that suicide is a sin or whatever, but she is really, really good. Too good for this town for sure. So, please... Let her be okay so she can make a difference in this shit hole... I'm sorry. I don't know if swearing is."
"You really like her," Kevin scared him. "She always thought that your flirting was just part of your personality."
"Not when it comes to her," Reggie sighed standing up. "She's..."
"Different?" Kevin offered and Reggie nods. "She told me you tell her that a lot."
"You think that..."
"God no," Kevin shook his head. "She liked be called different by you. That meant that she wasn't just a bimbo to you."
"Why'd you come back here?"
"I was looking for you," Kevin admits. "I know this has to be really hard on you. Sure, she was real good friends with Cheryl and I, but you were kinda her go to." Reggie nods. "And, since you two have feelings for each other." Reggie looks at him confused. "God, the two of you are so blind. I can't deal with straights. She liked you, that's why she always went to you and why she cared so much when you had your black eye. Or got into fights. Or almost committed murder."
"She does always freak out," Reggie says thinking back. "When we tried to steal that cash... She was ready to shoot me herself." Kevin nods. "But, that could just mean she is a friend. Like, Betty acted with you."
"Do not," Kevin held a finger up. "This about you. Not me. She liked you so much. But, sometimes things get the best."
"Why were you looking for me?" Reggie asked.
"The doctors came back out," Kevin said. "They finished repairing her lungs and tried to take her off the ventilator. She couldn't breathe on her own, so they are going back in. They think she may have had an infection that they might've missed. With the lack in heart function and such, it's not uncommon for people with eating disorders to catch infections easily. But, they aren't sure that her heart will be able to hold on for that long. It's already working twice as hard as it should be."
"What does that mean?" Reggie asked.
"It means that things aren't looking good," Kevin sighs sadly. "And, that we need to keep thinking positive thoughts for her. Because even if she makes it through surgery there is a chance she won't wake up. And, there is a whole lot of stuff she is going to have to get through when she does. Including, brain damage." Reggie sits back down. "But, She will be okay."
"Sure," Reggie nods as the doors open again and the Lodge Family comes in. "We will let you have your time." Veronica gives him a sad nod. Reggie could see how much this was straining the already strained family. But it was also pushing them together. Hiram had a hand on both his grieving wife and daughter. He himself looked as if he had been shot again. Or was wishing he had been.
"Reggie," Hermione calls and he walks over to the three. "Thank you, for being our daughters friend and being there today. They told us that without you doing your CPR and stopping the bleeding, she probably wouldn't have made it."
"I wish that I could have been there sooner," Reggie said looking at the ground. "There to stop her and help her. Before any of this even started." He shook his head.
"You did everything you could, son," Hiram says. "She always spoke highly of you. She will need you when she wakes up."
"Don't worry," Reggie looked him in the eye now. "I'm not leaving, until she does."
"You're a good kid," Hiram says. "Have Archie Get you clothes at least." Reggie nods before leaving the chapel meeting Kevin at the door.
He looks down at his blood stained clothes and hands. He was covered in it and flashbacks from seeing her like that dance behind his eyes. He sits in the chair and leans his head back closing his eyes.
"Why?" He hears your voice. "You could've stopped this. All I needed was someone to be there for me."
"I was," Reggie said shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Y/N, please... I want to make it up to you."
"Make it up to me?" Y/N shakes her head. "I'm not going to come back! Reggie, I don't want to come back. So, hold your words. You can't make it up to me."
"I can," he said. "I will because you aren't dying today or any time soon. You deserve better, Y/N. You are such a great girl. Please."
"You are pleading to a ghost, Mantle," Y/N laughs. "I'm dead! You really think I can make it through another emergency surgery? You heard Kevin, I am too weak!"
"No," he shakes his head. "You aren't! You are strong both willed and minded. You can do anything. I know you can get through this, you have to."
"Why?" Y/N asked sitting across from him. "Why do I have to go back to my life there? It was shit. I hated it. I know I sound like a snotty, high class, teenage bitch. But, I truly hated it. So, why do I have to go back to that?"
"Because," he sighed. "You didn't get the life you deserved. I know you are different from your family. You don't want the money, you want to be happy. I know you are smart and that's how you want to make your life. You don't want your fathers money. You need a chance to do that. Make a difference. You are the only one who can. And, I want to see you do. I need to see it."
"Reggie," Y/N shakes her head and leans back in the chair. "That's not really a reason."
"Y/N," he says. "You wake up and I will give you your one reason. You get through this and you will hear the one reason why you should be here."
"You kinda already used your reason," she points out. "You know the rules."
"Y/N," he pleads. "You will want to hear this reason, believe me. So, get through this surgery. Wake up. I will tell you. Please, I'm not the only one who needs you right now. And I know when you needed us, we weren't there. But, I promise from now on. I will be."
"Oh, Reginald," Y/N smirks. "You always have a weird power over me... I'm being called back. You tell them Cheryl how I came and seen you instead of her and I'll tell people at school that we hooked up after you stopped me." He gives her a look. "Fine. I'll see you around, Reg... Or will I?" She wiggles her eyebrows and walks off.
"Y/N?" Reggie bolts awake looking around the room.
"You good?" Toni asks eyeing him cautiously. "Reggie?"
"I don't know," he shakes his head. "I just had a weird dream." She nods as he shifts in his seat. "I need a minute."
"Are you sure you're alright?" Betty asks. "You look like you've seen the black hood."
"Well, you would know," Reggie sighed standing up. "I'm going to take a walk."
"Do you need someone to go with you?" Archie asked standing.
"No."
"Come on," Archie sighed. "It won't hurt."
"I said no. I am fine," Reggie rolls his eyes. "I'll be back." He walks down the hall leaving them in silence. The sounds of nurses and the beeping of the machines. He heard doctors talking about other patients and their round of treatments. He heard crying family members of a recent accident victim. He heard the cheers of new parents. The sound of newborns meeting their mothers.
He never really liked hospitals. They had too many different outcomes. If you enter a hospital as a patient there's is a chance you may end up dead. But, there is also a chance that you get to leave happier and better. The hospital stands for both life and death. Sick and the healthy. And, the only way you can even get better is by paying hundreds and hundreds of dollars. He didn't understand the hospital system it was a lot like politics. Someone tries to stand up for the small and it ends in a huge put down. No one wins but the big guys who already have the cash. And those are the people who end up never having to pay a medical bill. Those are people like his father. Which he never really got a long with, for obvious reasons to his friends. He also had the experience where doctors have no idea on what was wrong.
"Reggie," Veronica calls. "Wait. Please." He stops with a sigh. "Look, I know that this is kinda hard on you. But, she is my sister so please."
"I know she's your sister," Reggie shook his head. "And, I'm sorry that your family is going through this. It's not 'kinda' hard on me. I feel like I could've stopped it, Veronica, I could have been there for her. If only I was honest with her."
"Reggie," she says slowly. "It's not your fault. You don't think that I feel the same way? She said in her note that she would never be like me. She doesn't have to be. I wish I could've told her how great she is. How strong and brilliant."
"I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I really am. I know how close you are with her. She looked up to you in so many ways. I wish I knew that she was really thinking the way she was. You know, the last time we talked was over three weeks ago? She didn't tell anyone, but we fought. I was stupid."
"You fought?" Veronica asks. "She didn't even act like it. She always went out saying she was going to meet with you. Where was she going?"
"Who knows," he sighed. "Obviously, She was pretty good at hiding shit."
"But, her phone... It always said she was at your house," Veronica says. "My parents would ask where she was and I would make sure. Have her back."
"It said she was at my house?" He stops again. "Why would it say that? She wasn't there."
"What did the two of you fight about?" She asks looking up at him.
He looks down at her and shakes his head, regretting it more than he has been. She waits for him to speak, though she showed she was impatient.
"Reggie," you try to stop him. "What the hell is wrong with you?" You had just watched him beat up one of the other Bulldogs. "Hello?"
"What does it matter?" He said rolling his eyes. "You don't actually care anyways, you are just like all the other people in your screwed family."
"What?" You ask giving him a confused look. "Look, I don't know what up your god damn ass today, but tell it to quicken its pace a bit because you obviously aren't getting the satisfaction. And you are not going to pull me into this because I didn't do anything." He laughs bitterly and you cross your arms. "Spill, Mantle." He leans against the lockers and you give him an impatient eyebrow raise.
"Fine," Reggie grew annoyed. "You and your sister. All the two of you do is drag people along with your charade and you use them. You try preaching like you are different from your parents and everyone else. Like you're better. You really aren't though. So, get that in your head. You may think you're different, but you are just another Lodge."
"What did I do?" You furrow your eyebrows as he pushes himself off the lockers. "Reggie, come on, tell me. Let me fix whatever I did."
He gives you a cold look, "you can't fix everything with money and suave looks."
You grab his arm trying not to make a scene for people to talk about, "What... What did I do?"
"I can't help you with everything, Y/N, you have to figure stuff out on your own. I'm not your lap dog that you beckon when you need something fetched," he walks away leaving you alone and confused. It wasn't the start of your depression, not even close. But, it had been a little push, making you think of what you could have done wrong.
"Is this why?" Veronica asked. "Why you are blaming yourself?" He shrugs. "Reggie, obviously, she was depressed for a long time. You didn't know, none of us did. Maybe, if we did, we could've helped. But, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference." He looks down the hall and she grabs his face. "You are not blaming yourself, Reginald Mantle, you do not get to. She loved you, so much, she liked arguing with you and playing with your head. She liked when you called her different. She liked when you showed up needing help with school work. She liked spending time with you, even if it wasn't in school. She didn't care, you made her laugh and it was real not fake. So, you do not get to best yourself up over this. You do not get to act like this is all of your fault because it's not. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's. She was depressed. It's just a thing in her brain and levels. And, if anyone should be blaming themselves, is me. I am the one who knows her better than anyone. I am the one who spends most of my time with her. I am supposed to know when things are wrong with her and help her. I am supposed to know. But, I didn't. I am supposed to help her through her pains and troubles. I am supposed to and I didn't because I am too self absorbed."
"Ron," Reggie sighed. "Please, don't cry. It's not your fault." He wrapped his arms around her. "It's gonna be okay."
"She has to be," Ronnie said. "I need her to be, because I need to tell her how sorry I am."
"She will be," Reggie said and brought her back to the waiting room. He sat down with his friends and classmates. Time taunted him by slowing down as he waited for the doctors to come with any type of update. He tapped his foot impatiently and watched the outside turn dark.
"Alright," the doctor comes back out. "She is stable and we were able to do some repairs to her heart. Her lungs are functioning on their own and she doesn't need the ventilator. Her heart is a little weak but we are monitoring it for the night. We have her on antibiotics to help with the infection and she is still in the process of the blood transfusion. She is anemic from the loss of nutrients. We have her in isolation to monitor her heart, lungs, and the infection. Right now, we think it is best for only immediate family to go in and see her. And, I want to warn you that she isn't in the best condition. But, she should be able to wake up soon." Reggie bites his lip and watches the small family follow the doctor back.
"Reggie," Hermione says and motions for him to follow. "She will want you to see her." He looks at her then the group of other kids. "Come on." He gets up and follows her back. Seeing your basically lifeless body in the hospital bed hooked up to the machine was sickening. There were tubes everywhere and machines surrounding you. You were pale and had dark circles under eyes from the loss of blood and oxygen. They could see how skinny you had actually gotten with the gown on. The doctors had them dress in gowns before going in and they entered one by one. Reggie going last.
"Hey," he says looking at your cold hands before taking one. "I don't know what to say, they said that happy things are best. I'm not really good at talking one sided though. I still owe you your reason, you know. So really fight to open your eyes. I promised I'd give you a real reason. I don't know if you listened or not, but I told you. That probably wasn't even you, in my dream, was it? You can't answer... I am beating myself up over here, Y/N. I know you might not think so, but you are way more important then you think. I have missed you so much in these last few days. I was a jerk and you didn't need to get that end of it. I didn't expect you to. I really, want you to be okay. I kinda need you to. So, please open those gorgeous eyes of yours because I need one of your backhanded compliments and witty remarks. I've been pretty stupid." He looks at your face now. "You would hate it in here, if you were awake. It's cold and you are barely covered and there is constant monitoring." He laughed. "We know how much you hate being the center of attention. But, it's kinda gonna happen regardless. So, if that's why you are still like this, just know it's not going away." He lifts your hand to his face and blew warmth on to it. "Your hands are never this cold." He turns your arm and examines the scars old and the new. He runs his fingers gently over them and sighed. "When you wake up, I'm gonna help you. Help you learn your worth. You are worth the world and you need to change it."
"Who would wanna change this?" You cough. "It's so great." He looks up at you confused. "You were right, I do hate it in here. It's cold and I feel exposed."
"Well," He said standing quickly. "That's what you get for doing this. I can't believe you are up... I mean, I am happy."
"Reggie," You say slowly. "My head really hurts and I can't move."
"I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I'll get a doctor or a nurse. I don't know."
"No, talk loud," you say. "And, you can't go before the reason."
"The reason?" He laughed. "You wake up from this traumatic experience and you want my reason? What?" You give a small smile and he sits again. "Okay, my reason is that I love you, Y/N, and I can't lose you. Not like this. Let me do something stupid and then see you with someone better. Because, that's what you deserve. Better. You aren't like everyone else. You aren't your family. That was just a stupid, hot headed remark because I was frustrated. I didn't mean any of it. Is that good enough?"
"Well," You say. "It's not like the ones when you didn't give a reason because you know me. But, it's definitely better than the other one. I remember. And, I am sorry for putting you through this."
"Sh," He shakes his head as he runs his fingers through your hair. "You don't know what you're talking about. Just rest." He speaks quietly as he keeps pushing your hair back and pressed the call button. "Just rest and when you are better. We will talk about everything. But, right now you only get to hear me speak because I am gonna coach your ass back to health. And you are gonna try out for that damn football team and kick ass."
"I already kick your ass," you say. "What more is there to do?" He laughs as the nurses come in. "Thanks, Mantle." He nods as your eyes fall closed again.
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Assorted Riverdale Imagines
FanfictionA bunch of Riverdale imagines that I write. Requests are open to all.
