The Youngest Of Five (COMPLETED)

fifty two

Mark enjoyed his stay here in the UK. It went by faster than I imagined, and as it's his last day, I can't help but feel emotional to see him and Mum go back away together. According to Mum, they're both going to California for two weeks, a little break away before the wedding and stuff. I'll miss them, but Mum promised they will be back for good after their trip. The couple claim it's their final holiday before a married couple, then once married, they will settle down and focus on us being a family

He went to watch the football with my brothers, he went out for food with me and shopping, for three weeks, I felt like I had a Dad again, which is something I have gone without for many years. It's a nice feeling in a way, things are now looking up and getting better

We've been on days out as a family, such as to the cinema, the beach, bowling, the theatre..all trying to make memories with one another. Mark said he wants to get to know us all and to try and have good times with us all

As we sat at the table enjoying our last lunch before they went to California, I couldn't help but notice Mum seemed slightly upset, she was quieter than usual and didnt make any eye contact with any of us

"Mum, are you okay?" I asked her, pausing my eating

She shook her head and wiped her eyes, getting up from the table and running upstairs away from us all, she seemed like she was going to burst into tears at any moment "Excuse me, please"

I looked at Mark and my brothers, none of us knew what to say or how to react

Mandy

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and broke down crying. I'm such a sad excuse for a Mum. How can my own kids still call me that? After their Father walked out on us all, I couldn't cope, life's pretty hard when you're bringing up five children on your own. I couldn't manage, to this day, I still feel like I've disappointed them, I've not acted like a Mum should, I've failed as a Mum

Their Father wasn't a good man, he was physically, emotionally and financially abusive and controlling. When he left, it ruined me. He had made me feel like him leaving was all my fault, it's taken me all this time to realise it was never my fault. It's all down to him and his toxic traits

"Mum, mum, are you okay?" Alexa banged her fists on the door as she calmly spoke

I sniffled "I'll be fine thank you sweetie"

"Please can I come in?" she asked

My hand clasped the doorknob as I unlocked the bathroom door, Alexa came in and shut the door behind her, engulfing me in a hug and kissing my head

"What's wrong?" her voice was soothing

I took a deep breath "I've failed as a Mum, I've disappointed you all"

Alexa shook her head "You have not! Don't say that. You were put in a situation none of us would have imagined. You did your best, don't blame yourself for his behaviour"

She wrapped her arms around me "Mum, please don't think that"

Sniffling and wiping my eyes, I looked at my daughter "I've let you down baby girl"

"I know Dad was abusive to you, he was like that with us all. You protected me on so many occasions, don't think that 'you have let me down', because you haven't" she replied

The door opened and in walked Mark and my sons, we gathered in the bathroom as I calmed myself down slowly

"You shouldn't have to see me all worked up in a mess like this" I admitted

Brandon came over to me and brought me into a hug "Everyone has their highs and their lows, it's normal. Is everything okay? Has Alexa upset you?"

"Will you stop blaming me for everything?!" Alexa shouted

I gulped "Please Brands, leave her alone, she's done nothing wrong"

"Makes a change" Brandon sniggered

Alexa sighed and rested her head on my shoulder, I kissed the top of her head and reminded her that I love her

"I'm sorry" I sniffled "I'm a disappointment as a mother"

"Don't say that" she whispered

Taking a few deep breaths, I calmed myself down and pulled myself together. I have to be strong for my children, it's what I've been doing for many years now, but things have just gotten a little too much

"You are so incredibly strong, Mum. Raising five kids with little or no help is something to be proud of. Don't cricise or worry about the decisions you made, because they were the best things to do at the time. I love you so much" Alexa spoke softly

We had a family hug, all seven of us wrapped our arms around each other. Family is an important thing to me, it's what keeps me going and is the people who I cherish and love the most. Looking at my five children, I smiled at the thought of the amazing people they are turning in to. Each and every one has their whole life ahead of them, with goals and plans of where they want to me, and I pledge from the day I get back from California, to be the best Mum I can be