Reaction || Malum ||

21

Michael's POV

Huddled in a mass on the ground I felt lower than the dirt beneath me. My chest was on fire and my lips felt as if my words had been poison. I never meant to hurt Calum with my feelings but I can't deny them anymore. It was inevitable that soon enough I'd be able to say I loved him out loud but maybe I should've held it in a little longer. Love isn't supposed to look like the fear that was etched into Calum's face before he ran away from me. Love shouldn't feel like this either. Maybe this is all my fault though. I should know that Calum isn't ready for love right now, he's too fragile. I overreacted over him dancing with someone that's not me and blurted out my feelings and now Calum could potentially be gone forever.

I'm so stupid.

My eyes are glued to the field where I watched Calum run away from me. My head is spinning in a thousand directions and I can't seem to catch my breath. It's hard to tell whether the grief or the alcohol is working against my brain, or both. I'm leaning up against the side of some random persons car with my knees against my chest and ass against the dirt. With a hard swallow I closed my eyes to pretend things were different right now. But in a millisecond I thought about how much I truly did love Calum and everything seemed to evaporate.

I shouldn't sit here and regret the way I feel. Calum and I were meant for this. He was a piece in my life that was supposed to be there and I shouldn't ignore that. But seeing the way his chocolate eyes looked at me when I told him I loved him is still burning in my brain. When my eyes fluttered open I saw a familiar pair of Vans in front of me. I let my eyes trail up the persons body until my eyes met Luke's.

"Mikey?" He asked with concerned features. "Where's Calum?" Luke turned around like he assumed to find Calum close by.

"H-he's gone." I choked out, clearing my throat.

"Where'd he go? What did you do?" Luke's questions were like rapid fire and I sunk down further against the car I was leaning on.

"I-I don't know, I told him I loved him and-"

"Whoa, back up. You told him you loved him?" Luke eyes grew in surprise and he slid down the car to sit next to me. Everything was dark around us except a faint orange glow from the bonfire.

Calum was that faint glow that turned into a burning fire. He's the burning embers that inhabit my every being growing hotter and brighter with every second I see him. Even though I might be the one making all the first moves, he's the light. He's the wake up call that maybe I could be a different person, a better person. I want to help him burn on through his own darkness like the beautiful flame he is.

"I have to find him." Was all I could choke out after ignoring Luke's question completely. I watched his face that was twisted in confusion as I climbed up from the ground, still feeling a little debilitated by the alcohol I had consumed.

"Michael you had quite a bit to drink." Luke observed and stood up after me but I shook my head.

"It doesn't matter, I have to find Calum." I said with a sigh and Luke shook his head obviously still a little confused. Hell I was confused too.

"But if you told him you loved him and he bolted, don't you think he doesn't want to see you right now?" Luke's words stung but I couldn't let them shut me down. I fucking love Calum and he needs to hear me out.

"No, I have to find him." I said and turned to take off on the path Calum took. Luke's voice rang out after me but over my pounding heart it was hard to make out what he was saying.

I ran on until I reached a busy street, stopping to check my surroundings. Cars were flying by quickly but when I saw the houses I knew they looked familiar. Headlights disappeared to taillights as I tried to back track in my brain to piece together my surroundings. Out of impulse, merely a gut feeling, I took off to my right. My boots hammered against the sidewalk as I continued my search for Calum. A crash of thunder shook the world around me making me push my tiring legs harder. Lightening flashed making me jump only slightly and before I knew it, rain was pouring from the night sky.