Reaction || Malum ||

28

I felt something touch my cheek in my sleep but I was sure it was probably a dream. Only a second later I reached over to find an empty bed and began to panic. Calum. Calum is gone. My eyes shot open to see the room still suck in darkness but a note was resting on the pillow next to me. My shaking hand grabbed it to read a goodbye that Calum had wrote. Oh no, oh no, oh no. There was no way I was letting him leave me, not like this. I climbed out of the bed and sprinted towards the door not even bothering to put on shoes. They didn't matter. I had to find him. Panic swelled my chest like helium in a balloon and I felt as if I could collapse. Why would he do this?

My shaking legs fumbled to the bottom of the stairs as I tried not to let myself fall. I had to be dreaming because there is no way this can be real life. Lucid dreaming, maybe my brain is in preparation for the worst but when my feet hit the cold concrete, reality sunk in. I saw his shadow walking down the sidewalk and I praised for not being too late. I took off running shakily towards Calum but hope diminished when a bus stopped along the curb in front of Calum.

"Calum!" I screamed into the night and he turned around with pain etched in his features. He didn't want this so why was he inflicting such pain on the two of us. I ran faster until I reached the end of the bus but Calum took the first step up into the bus, away from me.

"What are you doing Calum?" My voice shook miserably with immense pain.

"I have to leave Michael." He said in a tiny voice and a dam erupted inside of me.

"Leave? Are you kidding?" I squeaked.

"No, it's what's best for you." He said almost robotically and I felt anger bleed through my veins.

"Best for me?! How in the hell could you think that you leaving is what's best for me?!" I shouted and Calum shook his head, looking towards the ground.

"I don't know." He admitted and I tugged on my hair.

"You don't know?! You don't know Calum?! So you think this is the best solution? Just get up and leave me like this? How is it so easy?" I screamed through the night, not caring the scene I was causing in front of the the oddly patient bus driver.

"You think this is easy?! It's not easy for me Michael but it's also not easy watching what I'm doing to you!" He yelled back but calmed himself to a whisper. "You deserve better."

"I deserve better?" I asked with a quivering lip. "How do you get to make that decision for me Calum?" I said as calmly as I could manage.

"I have to go Michael." He said and turned to walk up the stairs. I couldn't make my body move an inch. I was frozen solid in panic. He's leaving me.

"What about us Cal? We were supposed to be in this together!" I shouted again but Calum refused to turn back as the bus doors closed behind him.

I watched through the window as he climbed to take a seat, staring at me through the glass. His palm rested against the window and I held mine up to mirror his. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? As the bus started to pull away from the curb I slammed my hands against the door in frustration.

"No, no, no." I screamed into the frigid night and took off down the road behind the bus. My feet were jello beneath me but I continued to run on down the sidewalk after the only thing I've ever loved. My foot caught the concrete and my body hurled forward with my hands and knees taking the most punishment.

I sunk down with my head in my hands and let myself sob. Tears soaked my face and hands as I tugged at my hair. My hand was bleeding from the fall but I didnt fucking care. I just watched my entire life walk away and I couldn't stop him. I blinked away tears and pulled myself from the ground to go back and get my car. He wasn't getting too far without me. I had to fight. I had to try to make him stay. Even if it killed me. I took off back towards our apartment, my apartment, and slid into my car. I wiped away stray tears and tore off down the road. I didn't care if I was going too fast I just had to catch the bus. My car raced on into the night at a furious speed until I finally caught a glimpse of the bus. My foot punched the gas a little harder lurching the vehicle forward.