Reaction || Malum ||

35

Calum's POV

I've lost count of the hours I've been sitting out here on the balcony. The sun is warm against my skinny jean clad legs and bare feet. My fingers are working diligently against the strings of my guitar while I balance a pen between my teeth. Once I've got the right chord, I scribble it down on the paper and hope this paper doesn't join the others around me in crumbled balls. I've been up since the sun came up but Michael is still tucked away in his bed. Last night was exhausting for both of us and considering we didn't get home until four this morning, I figured Michael would sleep most of the day. And since it's nearly noon, by the clock on my phone, I assumed he was going to sleep the majority of the day.

I didn't mind, he needs the rest. Plus I've gotten a lot written even despite the failed attempts that litter the ground around me. Songwriting is my escape. None of my songs are really worth a damn but at least it gives my mind a way to get out of reality. I suppose everyone has something that takes them away from here to somewhere far away and I'm so thankful I do. My notebook is bursting at its seems with rhymes, reasons, questions and words I've been dying to say. No one ever sees my notebook anyway so it's a good way for me to connect to my own self. The particular song I have going is something special though.

Biting down on my pen and strumming against my guitar I finally found the perfect melody to fit my words. I grabbed the pen and scribbled down the chords, setting my pen down so I could try it out all together. I started from the beginning, harmonising with my guitar.

Even when the sky is falling down

Even when the earth is crumbling 'round my feet

Even when we try to say goodbye

And you can cut the tension with a knife in here

Cause I know what'll happen

If we get through this

But I stopped. Emotion constricted my voice and I was forced to stop. My own words wounded me, striking a chord deep within me. This song was obviously a reflection of my life with Michael. A reaction to how I'm feeling and was feeling throughout this whole situation. When I say if we get through this, it's true. There are days where I feel as if Michael could take on the world but there are others where I can feel it crumbling. I sat my guitar to the side and buried my head in my hands.

Despite it all, I love him. Even if I turn to go a million times I'll turn around to stay a million and one. Like a gravitational force between us, I'm drawn to Michael. I'm merely a moth to his flame, drawn to his every beauty. I can't go even if I tried, even if I feel like I should. Even if everything in the world was against us, we'd find away. All the odds may be against us but I'd still make the bet that we can get through this.

With a deep breath I decided to call it a day with my writing. The song was almost finished anyway. My hands gathered the crumbled papers into a large pile and I played with them for a moment. So many times we fail and with the idea that we must give up. Crumple up our mistakes, toss them into a pile and stop trying but we shouldn't. Just because a couple times we did something wrong, doesn't mean something better can't happen. Just because all these pieces of paper weren't a canvas for a good song doesn't mean I had to stop and I didn't. Just because Michael and I have hit a tough patch doesn't mean something better and brighter won't happen for us.

It's so odd to me to feel hope like this. I mean months ago I was ready to give up, call it quits but then I met Michael. Before then I would've have kept trying with anything. Life, love, Michael. I would've just let everything go instead of sticking around to try to work it out. As much as I would love to run away and hide from everything that terrifies me, I won't do it. Michael ignited something within me that is much greater than anything I've ever felt or imagined before. A kind of feeling that makes me want to live just one more day. Make just one more day the best it can be.