Disastrous Love {BWWM} ⚠️MAJOR CHANGES AND EDITING❗️

21

Reign

It's been rough not speaking with nick. But I've needed time to think. Is all this worth it? I haven't seen him or spoke with him since the last time at his house. I haven't even attended none of his classes. I'll just complete my assignment online. In a way I've been ok with not seeing him. Of course I miss him. But I haven't had to deal with him saying that I wanted his brother. And I'm not going to prove to him that I don't. Either he believe it or he don't. I've been sad about being alone. But I've been enjoying the hell out of it. I needed a sound mind. So I can see everything clear.

"Knock knock"

"Who is it?" I asked pulling the door open seeing him. "Can I come in?" He asked causing me to step aside. I closed the door behind him sitting on my sofa. "How are you?" He asked sitting on the other end. "I'm ok." I said now looking at him. "Reign I miss you. I miss us. I can't live another day without you. Can we just end this break. It's not serving a purpose. I know how I feel about you. I don't need time to make sure this is what I'm feeling. I'm sure with the way I feel about you. And it's not changing" He spoke.

"I said we need a break is because all the arguing we where doing. And I'm so tired of it. And the things we say out of anger to each other. And I hate it.  I do love you. And what you say to me matters more than anything. We're suppose to be building each other up. Not tearing each other down." I said not breaking eye contact.

"I moved to fast with you. I was sure that I was ready for a grown man or a grown relationship. But I'm not. I have so much learning to do. This is way different from the other guys I've dealt with. It's more than just physical attraction or sexual tension. Because I would love nothing more than to grow in love with you. And I want to be able to trust you." I spoke again with him nodding.

"I understand. And I agree with you. I do apologize to you because I know the things I say are better left unsaid. I shouldn't be questioning you as a woman. I do apologize from the bottom of my heart about what I said about you and Joseph. You never gave me a reason to feel like that. I was wrong." He said sitting closer to me. I nodded. "Apology accepted." I said looking back at my feet.

I really needed space because I need to know my intentions with him. I usually don't stay with a guy long term. I get so attached to them is because of the attention they give me at the time I needed. I know he's older and looking to settle down. And I'm not really sure what I want in life right now. I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm still trying to figure out my true identity. Who I am as a person? A woman? So I'm not trying to play with his heart. Giving him false hope, or expectations.

This can't be another attention seeking thing. When I see him I was ready for everything. I was ready to suffer all the consequences of being with him. I was ready to build with him. But as time goes by I'm gettin scared and getting cold feet. I'm not trying to waste my life away with a guy just want to be with me because of the thrill. And the good feeling I give him.

The further I get with nick I realize that it's serious. And I'm scared to move forward with this man because I don't know what's going to happen next with us and him. I'm scared that I might be rushing something that's not meant. But I won't ever know until I try it.

"Is being with me something you want reign?" He asked me. I stared at him. "You can be honest with me? I just want to understand you." He said reassuring me. I nodded. "I don't know." I said causing him to sit back in his seat. "There is nothing wrong with that. I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me just because of the way I feel about. And I don't want you to feel like just because a guy is giving you good treatment that you have to be with him or give him your body. Because you're priceless. I want to show you I'm capable of loving you. Being here for you good or bad. I'm here to provide your every need and take care of you. If you allow me to."

I nodded.

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