Lie To Me | Jikook

Chapter 26

Jimin POV

Biting my lip nervously as I look down at my fidgeting hands in my lap, I debate whether or not to tell him everything. I really don't want him to know me, to know everything that I hide. There's a reason nobody knows a single thing about the real me other than Yoongi. And even he wasn't supposed to know. He only found out by accident because I'd been a fucking idiot one time. I'm so worried about saying a single thing about the real shit, but I don't want to lose him either. Having pretty much lost Yoongi completely, I can't afford to lose Jungkook too. Not when he really is my whole world and the only good thing in my life anymore. Not when he's the only source of happiness I have anymore.

Honestly, all I want to do is keep the secrets hidden and just curl up to sleep with Jungkook now. I'm exhausted and I still feel like complete shit. Yet, I know how much I'd be risking losing Jungkook forever if I don't tell him.

Huffing in frustration with myself and my lack of ability to find anywhere to start or the courage to even say anything yet, I reach my hands out and take Jungkookie's hands in mine as I begin fidgeting with his instead. I keep my gaze trained on our hands, but certainly don't miss the small smile that forms on his lips.

"Promise you won't leave me when you find out who I really am?" I mumble quietly, frustrated by my own lack of confidence right now. That was one of the great things about that dumbass fucking mask that I always had at school, the damned confidence. The person I always pretend to be at school always has so much fucking confidence and isn't the slightest bit shy and isn't fucking weak and pathetic.

I reluctantly looking up from our hands as Jungkook gently presses a kiss to my forehead. Looking up with a tiny pouty frown, he gives me a soft smile.

"I pinky promise, baby. I'm not going anywhere." Jungkook murmurs softly with a light gaze in his eye. I sigh in defeat, knowing I've not really got much of a choice at this point.

"I don't really know what to start with, Kookie. I'm not at all the person I pretend to be at school. I'm not confident or outgoing or so straightforward or brave or blunt or any of it. Everything you've really known me to be is all just a fucking lie. I'm weak and pathetic and shy and I don't like going out and being around a ton of people. And, my life isn't all perfect and great like I pretend it to be either. My mother passed away when I was seven, from cancer. My father became an alcoholic and abusive after she passed away. He pushes me to the point of perfection even though I know I'll never be good enough. It's the reason I'm never able to hangout during the week and need to know a decent bit in advance on the weekends. Because he's abusive and because I had dance practice directly after school every single day. I've been in dance since I was three, and when she passed, he pushed me even harder to be perfect and to be the best of the best. It's why I'm always in long sleeves at school, to hide the bruises and scars. I'm a fucking mess and the complete opposite of who I am at school.

"The only reason Yoongi found out about everything is because he saw the bruises that he shouldn't have. He didn't really give me any choice but to explain. I don't live in some big fancy mansion like the place you have. I've never gotten to go anywhere outside of Busan. I've been hiding who I am since I was seven years old, a fucking fake. I'm just some shitty dancer who can't enjoy what he used to love anymore because I have to be perfect at every little thing I do. I didn't want everyone to hate me and be embarrassed or ashamed or disgusted by me, by who I was and am, so I created the person that you met me as. Someone who had his life together and could be confident and cheeky. Not someone who struggles eating on a daily basis or who hates even the sight of a mirror because I don't want to look at my disgusting self. Not someone who will never be good enough for anyone, an certainly not my own damn self.

"I fell for you the moment I saw you, Jungkookie. I didn't want you to know what I really am and lose any and all chances with you."