Forked Roads Back

106 - TESSA

"ARE YOU GOING TO tell him now? Or when he gets back from Berlin?" Danny asks.

We're all installed on Charlotte and Danny's massive, plush sofa, cups of tea in hand - mine now decaf - all ready to discuss the gargantuan conversation that now lay in front of me.

"I feel like it should be now. I don't want to wait any longer than I have to."

"Yeah, maybe if you tell him now, he has that week in Berlin to digest it all, and then think about how much of a good thing this is?"

I know Charlotte means well, but she has no idea.

I've been here for nearly two hours, and I've gone through every scenario in my head. Each one ends in him leaving, and I am honestly surprised I'm not in tears at the thought of it.

Since Charlotte's wedding, he's not come with me to Mum's. Now that she's had the baby, he always finds an excuse to stay at home. With Ellie well into her toddler phase, I know she can sometimes be a handful, but as she's my sister, I don't mind one bit.

But he's not just doing it to me, and to Mum, he's doing it to Sophie. She came down to London, and poor Ethan - who had been so excited to see his Uncle Jamie - was so disappointed he had to suddenly work all weekend in a different country.

I was mad. I knew for a fact he wasn't busy, and as much as I didn't mind entertaining his nephew all weekend, it was more that he had planned it with Sophie for ages. I could have ripped into him when I get home, but I gave him the silent treatment on the way back from picking him up from the airport instead. I didn't want the argument. I'd had that argument way too many times.

What did cause an argument, was when we went out for dinner with Chloe and Harry.

I hadn't known she was pregnant, and when she told us at the table, I watched as Jamie's face dropped. I don't think Chloe noticed, but I did. I also noticed the snarky comments, and although Chloe was too nice to say anything, Harry hadn't been.

It took both Chloe and me to diffuse the tension, as Harry was about to punch Jamie, and I would not have stopped him if he'd tried, as I was just about ready to punch him as well.

A swift kick was enough to get him to stop, and we finished lunch in relative civility, but I didn't speak to him until we got home. I could tolerate him being snarky about it with me, because I give it straight back to him, but I know Chloe was hurt, and I wasn't having him hurting one of my friends.

But it wasn't just about that. There was more to it.

He turned the spare room in his flat into an office, despite the fact he'd promised to discuss it first. His childish response was that it was 'his flat', despite him initially saying he'd bought it for both of us. It resulted in me walking out for the first time, which I was actually really proud of myself for. I've been at Dad's ever since, and whenever he asks why I'm not staying, I just throw his own words back in his face. It was childish too, but I don't like it when he goes back on his promises. When he did finally apologise, he promised we would talk about it. But have we talked about it? No. No, we haven't.

"Nothing's going to help it go down well, Char," I tell her, as a lump forms in my throat.

I don't miss the look she gives Danny, a look full of pity because I knew if she was in my shoes, Danny would be over the moon.

"I hope it isn't that, of course I do, but maybe it will be different because it's our child?"

I'm literally clutching at straws now, but I can't help it.

A tear escapes as I drop my head into my hands. "But it's the way he always acts. I can't see a way through other than dropping the bombshell and hoping it doesn't explode in both of our faces."