Forked Roads Back

51 - TESSA

I HAVE NEVER DREAMED the way I dreamed last night. I've always dreamed in colours: happy, moulding, thoughtful colours, all beautiful and vibrant.

Last night my dreams were fuzzy, riddled with darkness and pain, all fast-moving; none of it explained.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I was surrounded by people all dressed in green gowns and face masks, like surgeons. I wasn't sure what I was dreaming, but when that same pain I had a few hours before shot through me again, I understood where I was. It was Archie's pain, and I was enduring it as if it were my own. As the doctors fixed him, I stayed with him, wanting to give him every ounce of strength I could to keep him here.

Every second of that dream, I wanted to call out to him, to hold his hand, to remind him that he's still the same strong person I know he is. I told him over and over that he would be okay, and as the doctors backed away, surveying their good work, the dream faded, and reality came back to me with a crash.

Waking with a start, I try to shake off the dream so I can be here, and as I take in my surroundings, I realise I am in fact at home, and not on an operating table.

"You had quite a dream," I hear a soft voice behind me.

I turn slowly to find Jamie sitting in the chair next to our bed, book in hand, still in his jeans and work shirt.

"Didn't you sleep?" I ask, turning over and beckoning him into bed next me. He doesn't move for a moment, but does so after a minute when I bring out pouty face.

"I couldn't," he sighs, holding me close. "I had to make sure you were alright."

He turns me around so that his front is flush against my back, wrapping his arms around me.

"What was I doing?" I ask, silently praying I hadn't been talking out loud.

"I don't know what was going on in your head, but you were twitching, tossing and turning. You were mumbling a lot too," he adds, and I think he feels me stiffen. "But you didn't say anything I could make out as an actual sentence."

I try not to sink too much in relief. "I don't know what I was dreaming either to be honest. You know that episode of Teen Wolf," I say, turning my head. "The one with those weird doctors?"

"Oh shit, the one with the Dread Doctors?"

I nod. "Yeah. Or at least that's close as I can describe it. I dreamed I was being operated on by one of them, watching it happen at the same time." It was the closest thing I could think of, and it was half true.

"Jeez, no wonder you were tossing and turning."

He kisses the side of my neck and pulls me closer. I sink into him and feel my body relax as he holds me. But as I start to think about what I'm about to tell him, my mood starts to deteriorate. What I'm about to tell him will hurt him, but I want to make sure he knows it's for both of us in the long run. I don't know how I was going to explain about seeing through Archie's eyes, I don't think I ever will, but I know Jamie will come around eventually once I tell him. It's more than I will ever deserve, but he will... and I'll love him even more for it.

I turn around in his arms and pull myself closer to him again, reaching up to stroke my fingers over his stubbled chin. I smile, realising this is how I want a future like this: lounging in bed, in each other's arms. This is the future I want: with him.

"Are you feeling better though?" he asks, his blue eyes boring into mine.

"Much better," I smile. I feel like it's the first genuine smile I've shown him for a long time.

He kisses my nose, probably now that he can, and I close my eyes, content to be held by him, not wanting to move.

Jamie chuckles after a few minutes. "You really were absolutely dead to the world when I took you back yesterday. Bless you, you were trying to stay awake when the doctor came back with your results, but you couldn't keep your eyes open."