Bitlife

Walter O'Connor

Age: 0 years
I was born a male in Washington, United States. I was conceived in the back of a limo. My birthday is July 23. I am a Leo. My name is Walter O'Connor. My father is Russell O'Connor, a real estate agent (age 25). My mother is Joy O'Connor, a makeup artist (age 25). I have an older sister named Whitney (age 4). We have a family dog named Steve.

Age: 1 year

Age: 2 years
My big sister, Whitney, started elementary school.

Age: 3 years

Age: 4 years

Age: 5 years
I played on the monkey bars.

Age: 6 years
I started elementary school. I bickered with my big sister, Whitney, about whose turn it is to use mom's phone. I called her slutty.

Age: 7 years
My Yorkshire terrier, Steve, ate my kite. I worked with him on his behavior.

Age: 8 years
I'm starting to develop a crush on my teacher. I am suffering from the flu.

Age: 9 years
My scrotum has been particularly sore lately.

Age: 10 years
I wore the same underwear for 2 weeks.

Age: 11 years
My big sister, Whitney, started high school. I joined my school's drama club.

Age: 12 years
China has accused New Zealand of hoarding weapons of mass destruction. My Yorkshire terrier, Steve, tried eating a slice of pizza right out of my hand. I worked with him on his behavior.

Age: 13 years
I had to walk to school even though it was 107.3 degrees outside. My Yorkshire terrier, Steve, died while sleeping peacefully.

Age: 14 years
My big sister, Whitney, graduated from high school.

Age: 15 years
My big sister, Whitney, began studying psychology at university. I started high school. New Zealand has officially declared war on China.

Age: 16 years
I passed my driving test and got a driving license.

Age: 17 years
My big sister, Whitney, married De'Andre Thomas, a 18-year old unemployed person. She changed her name to Whitney Thomas. I am suffering from pink eye.

Age: 18 years
I graduated from high school. I'm starting to think my mother is a fan of Aerosmith.

Age: 19 years
My big sister, Whitney, graduated from university with an undergraduate degree in psychology. She started graduate school. She moved out. I applied to university but my application was rejected.

Age: 20 years
My big sister, Whitney, and De'Andre Thomas divorced. She changed her name back to Whitney O'Connor. My big sister, Whitney, and I can now communicate telepathically. We can read each others' eyes.

Age: 21 years
My big sister, Whitney, graduated from graduate school. She started a new position as Jr. Reporter for Harbor TV.

Age: 22 years
Heavy week-long downpours in Brazil cause widespread floods.

Age: 23 years
My big sister, Whitney, has been promoted to Reporter. While crossing a bridge, I convinced a druggie on the ledge not to jump. I ordered a practical pair of glasses after the eye doctor said I need vision correction.

Age: 24 years
My big sister, Whitney, and I can now communicate telepathically. We can read each others' eyes.

Age: 25 years
My big sister, Whitney, has been promoted to Sr. Reporter.

Age: 26 years
I think my neighbor may be abusing methamphetamine.

Age: 27 years
New Zealand's marines roll into the streets of Shanghai, urinating on the sidewalks and terrorizing residents by playing Backstreet Boys on loud speakers. The 15-year war ends as China promptly surrenders. Remarkably, only 74 died in the conflict and a further 188 were injured. I told a crazy person that I believe in aliens.