What Voldemort Left Behind

Chapter 22 - Ginny's Worries

(Me editing again: Chapter is skippable, basically a bit pointless to read and doesn't really have a distinct train of thought but if you want to read it go on ahead.) Also next chapter i'm not editing cause it will change the publish date and erase the significance that it was MY 17th birthday when posting

AUTHORS NOTE: I'm not sure if i like this chapter or not, sorry it sounds kinda disjointed especially the second half where it's Ginny's thoughts but that's kinda how thoughts are anyway😂 it's kinda a weird two half chapters stuck together, first half was planned out about a month ago, second half done on the spot but i hope it works and next chapter is gonna be a happy birthday themed chapter, posted on Saturday for my birthday. (hi i'm editing again, this is no longer a 2 part chapter as i deleted half 😂)

Ginny paced the living room. It was one of those days that was just bad for no reason, she couldn't explain why she was feeling so awful. In her head she traced her steps from all day, she always needed to remember where she had been and what she had done, she was terrified that some day there would be a blank spot in her memory. Ever since she was eleven she couldn't forget. She knew that her time spent being used by Riddle was nothing compared to what her husband went through, she felt guilty every time it got to her, for not being able to control herself. Harry had always been a brilliant comfort, he knew the feeling so well that he could soothe her worries and lessen the feeling that she didn't deserve to be sad.

Ginny wished she could do as much for him, he deserved a perfect life after everything, but instead his days were filled with grief, guilt and sadness. He blamed himself completely for the war, Ginny reminded him every day that it was Voldemort that was to blame, only him and his supporters. Ginny never knew if Harry really believed her or if he was just playing along in order to hide his suffering to protect her.

Her worst memory haunted her every day, seeing him lying dead in Hagrid's arms. It had been the end of everything, the one that she loved the most gone forever and she had been ready to give up, to allow the Death Eaters to take her too because in that moment, she imagined nothing left without Harry. Now she thought differently, she had learned to live on without people, she knew that even if Harry left her, there was still James, Albus, Lily, her parents and brothers. Ginny knew that Harry might not be able to carry on for much longer and if he was gone then she could live for their children, they would need her, even if she couldn't find the will for herself. She tried not to think of that possibility, she needed to focus on the good things in life.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to find good things, there was always a bad side to them. Ginny thought of the day she found out she was pregnant for the first time and had to tell Harry. He locked himself away for days, wouldn't speak to anyone, he was furious with himself because he had some insane idea that it was his fault and that he was bringing a child into the world with a messed up family, that somehow he wouldn't be a good father. Eventually Ron and Hermione came and reminded him about how Remus reacted to Teddy. When James arrived, Ginny couldn't picture him having a more loving and protective father and Harry was overjoyed meeting him.
Ginny was so proud of James, Albus and Lily, they had all grown into mature people so quickly, they never complained when they had to do something differently in order to protect them, or to help their parents. She was so grateful, they all instinctively knew when her or Harry needed help. She felt so guilty sometimes, her children needed a normal happy childhood that they could not provide, parents are meant to take care of their children not the other way around. Ginny's parents had been an unbelievable help in raising the three kids, her mum and dad lived alone, since she was the youngest of eight, they spent their later years retired, grandchildren always in and out but none more than the Potters. Her mother was a brilliant teacher and storyteller and had always offered to help, sometimes they really needed it. Ever since the war, Ginny had helped Harry recover a little bit at a time, but he would never fully recover from what he saw, what he found out he was, she knew that he was still affected by the Horcrux revelation in particular.

She was increasingly worried about him, when he was especially stressed he would stop eating and she'd noticed him getting thinner recently. He looked starved, he looked breakable. She didn't know how to help him, sometimes she could go too far in her attempt to make him see sense and he would start to avoid everyone and he would get worse. He was so determined to protect everyone else that he would often forget about himself, even though he was the one needing the most help. It was strange the way his mind worked, no one knew how to fix him. There was most likely no fix possible since it was a mix of his past experiences and the awful dark magic he was forced under. Horcruxes it seemed had caused the most damage in the war. Ron and Hermione had been able to carry on a semi normal life after the war, completely free from Voldemort, but both her and Harry had been unable to fully. Ginny had been possessed by Voldemort for months, Harry a Horcrux himself for sixteen years. They couldn't escape it, she thought of Quirrell, dead as soon as Voldemort had left him, the diary, completely destroyed and would never work again. It was unheard of that Harry should still be alive after that.

There was nothing special about today, it shouldn't be a bad day for her but it was. Some days were just worse than others and there was no way of fixing it. Things might be better when Harry came home, he always knew how to make her feel better. She made sure every day to reassure him that she loved him, it was easy to forget that he found it difficult to understand that people could love him as much as he cared for them. There were also moments that he would get confused when something good happened to him, worrying that it wasn't meant for him and that it would be taken away. Ginny couldn't understand it but she would continue to try, he needed her.

The memories of Riddle were getting to her today, she struggled to block out the feeling of fear after waking up from a lapse in memory, that sweet, deceiving voice of the only person who was there for her but had tricked her, had almost killed her. It scared her to think of a little eleven year old girl being controlled by what was essentially a teenage boy who would one day become such a feared and horrible person. It took her years to realize that it wasn't her fault and she had been tricked and used, she couldn't understand how her husband could live believing the entire war was his fault, she remembered what it was like to feel the constant guilt, it was terrible. Calm down, she thought to herself, you need to calm down and stop panicking about everything all at once.