Childhood

4

TONI POV:

We drive into the parking lot of the school we are thinking about sending our kids. "We're here." I turn around and Sarah looks horrified. She shakes her head. "I'll handle this you go in with Jason." I whisper to Cheryl. She nods and leaves with Jason. I look at Sarah. "What's wrong?" I ask calmly. "No!" She yells. I take a deep breath and get out. I walk over to her side of the car and open the door. "We're just looking at the school." I whisper. She shakes her head. "No!" I unbuckle her seatbelt. "Come on." She kicks her legs and starts crying. "Please calm down. It's going to be ok." I hold her face. She slowly starts to calm down. "You ready?" I ask quietly. "No." She whispers. "Do you want to at least try." I ask her quietly. She nods nervously. I help her out of the car and take her hand. She pulls back at first. "What's wrong?" I ask quietly. "Mommy." She whispers. My heart drops. I pick her up. "It's ok. You're ok." I whisper to her as we walk in the the school. "You're ok." I kiss her head softly. Cheryl and Jason are sitting in the office. "Hey." I whisper. "Everything ok?" She ask quietly as Sarah lies her head on my shoulder. "Yeah just some issues with anxiety." I whisper. "I want to go home." Sarah whispers in my ear. "I know sweetheart, we're just going to take a tour around the school. Ok?" I reassure her. "Yeah."

"Why didn't Jason go to school before?" Sarah ask quietly as I brush her hair. "Well. He wasn't ready at first and we decided that it would be easier to home school him and get him ready for school before we sent him." I tell her quietly. "Up or down?" I ask her. "Up." I nod and tie her hair up. "There you go." She gets down from the stool and runs into the playroom. I go down to Cheryl's office. "What's up?" She ask. "You were supposed to go to your mothers funeral today." I sit down. "I couldn't go." She looks up at me. I bite my lip. "Cheryl..." She looks back down at her work. "How's- how's Sarah?" She ask changing the subject. "I know what you're doing but whatever. She's good. She looks so much like my brother." I whisper. She looks at me confused. "I thought you were a only child?" She ask. "I haven't talked to him since my mom died and I forgot about him almost or at least tried to." I say quietly. "I talked to him last year  though, he died right after that." She looks up at me again. "Why didn't you say anything?" She ask quietly. "Because I still haven't admitted it to myself that my last words to him something along the lines of how much I hated him." I say quietly. "You think she's your brothers?" I nod sadly. "Well she needs to talk about what had happened so maybe you could ask that." I nod. She gets up. "You can ask her. But, I have to bring her to therapy. Maybe wait a few days." She kisses the top of my head and walks out. "Sarah, lets go!" Cheryl yells. Sarah runs downstairs and they both leave. I walk out of the office and go upstairs. "Bud! Want to go to the park?" I ask. "Yeah." He gets up and we leave. "Why don't you ride that bike anymore?" He ask quietly. "Bud we go over this every time. Because mom won't let me." I say thinking back to when I used to drive it. "Well she's not here." He stops, I turn to him. "No! She hates when I ride it let alone let my 7 year old kid on it." He laughs. "She doesn't have to know." He whispers. I swat down to his level. "There are security cameras all over this house and one is pointing directly to my bike, mommy and I look over it every night before we go to sleep. She'll see that and torch me alive." I whisper. "Where?" He looks around. "Not important you're not even supposed to know they exist." I whisper. "Ohhh. Ok." We walk away. "Why did Sarah not want to look at the school?" He ask quietly. "Honestly I don't know. She has trouble with new things and I guess it was just hard for her." He leans into me.

"Toni?" I turn to Cheryl. "What's up?" I lie down next to her. "I'm worried about Sarah." She whispers. "She wouldn't leave the car, somehow I got her out." She whispers. "Why didn't you call me?" I sit up. "You needed to spend more time with Jason. I had it she was fine once we got settled in. She didn't say a word though she just held my arm like her life depended on it." She insist. I take a deep breath. Cheryl quickly gets up and shuts the door. "Toni, what if Sarah becomes to much for us?" She ask just below a whisper. "We're still fostering her-." I stop her. "No! She is our daughter. I don't want to give up on her." I tell her. "I'm not giving up on her, I know what she's dealing with." I pull her closer to me. "You're right." She whispers. "Give this a few more months." I tell her. "Nothing is going to be perfect, we're not going to have a normal life but right now we need to take care of Sarah and Jason until everything gets better with Sarah because it will." I take her hand. "We're going to get through this." She nods. I pull her into a kiss. "Mom." Sarah knocks on the door. "Come in!" I yell. She slowly opens the door and slowly walks in. "I can't sleep." She whispers. I get up and pick her up. "It's ok." We lie on her bed. "What's wrong?" I ask very worried as I move hair out of her face. "I had a bad dream." She whispers. "Can- can you tell me a story?" She ask quietly. I nod. "Well, what kind of story do you want to hear?" I ask. "Tell me a funny story about you and Cheryl." I smile. "Do you want to hear about the many times I failed to propose to her?" She nods. "Well, I originally had this big thing planned than Cheryl said that she hated big proposals. So do you know what I did in response?" She shakes her head. "No!" She smiles. "I planned something bigger! I made sure there was confetti, her least favorite thing in this world! I made sure there was a lot of people. It was kinda a joke buy we had Jason, so I knew she was going say yes. But the day before I was going to ask her, she was sick. So I couldn't really get her out of the house. So after that I decided that maybe the universe didn't want to use to get married. So I waited until it was actually the right time so we were at the drive in and I asked her there." I tell her quietly. "What did you want to do the first time?" She ask quietly. "Well I was going to send her on a scavenger hunt and well, Jason doesn't keep secrets well so I couldn't really do that because it involves him. I was going to send her to places we loved to go and I was going to propose to her at the park with Jason there. So I did something small and Jason still spoiled it. Cheryl still said yes, obviously." Sarah smiles and lies her head on my shoulder. "Can I ask you something?" I ask quietly. "You just did." She whispers. "You know what I mean." I whisper. "Yeah." She nods. "What was your father like?" I ask quietly. "Well, he kinda looked like you. But, male. Why?" She ask curiously. "What's was your last name?" I ask. "Topaz? why?" She ask. "Just curious." I whisper. "Go to sleep." I stroke her hair. She slowly falls asleep. I kiss the top of her head and leave the room. I go into Cheryl and I's room. "She's my niece." I say as I close the door. "How did we miss that?" She ask. I shrug. "I don't know!" I whisper yell.

She rides my slowly. "Toni." She moans. I hold her hips. She kisses my neck softly. "I'm, gonna-." I release myself in her. "Ohhhh." Cheryl lies next to me as I slip off the condom. "Toni, I need to tell you something." She sits up. Her face goes whiter than usual, if that's even possible. "What's wrong?" I ask quietly. "I haven't- I'm late." She whispers. I sit up. "Wait! Are you?" I ask quietly. "I don't know, I haven't taken a test yet. Toni I'm not ready to have another kid." She whispers. "We'll get through this." I tell her. "I'll go out tomorrow and get a test. If you are, than we'll get through it. If you're not, this never happened." I whisper. She nods. "Yeah, we'll do that." She smiles. "I love you." I kiss her. "I love you." She rubs my cheek. "It's going to be ok." I tell her. She nods.