Childhood

21

TONI POV:

"Toni." I look up at Sarah who looks horrified. "What's wrong?" I ask quietly. She closes the door and sits down. "Sweetheart talk me." I whisper. "I don't know how to say this..." She whispers. "It's ok." I reassure her. "I don't feel like a girl." I look down. "It's ok." I tell her. "Can you not tell anyone?" She ask quietly. "Yeah of course."

"Toni." I look at Veronica. "We shouldn't do this, I have stuff to do at home. Sarah is going through some stuff." I pull away from her. "Cheryl doesn't need to know." I look down. "She's the love of my life. You're not over what happened to Betty..." I whisper. I get up. "I have to go." I throw on my clothes. "We need to stop this. I love Cheryl, I always have. She's the mother of my kids. I can't do this with you anymore." I run off, I hop on my bike and go home. I walk into the house. "You're home late." I look at Cheryl. "Yeah, Sweet Pea and I went out for a few drinks." I hold back the truth. Well I told her some of the truth. She walks over to me. "Toni, I can smell her on you." I look down. "I'm sorry, I told her I couldn't do it with her anymore. Cheryl you're the love of my life, I don't know why I keep doubting it." I whisper. She pushes me away. "Every time we start to get better, you go and fuck everything up!" I look down. "I'm sorry." She shakes her head. "We need to talk about getting a divorce." I look up at her. "No." I whisper. "We can get through this we always do. "Have fun with Veronica." I take a deep breath as she packs her stuff and leaves. "Cheryl..." She slaps me in the face, I deserve it.  "The only reason I'm not taking the kids is because we both know I can't take care of them all by myself." She whispers. "If you were around more you would know that Sarah is going through stuff, she doesn't even trust you right now. So leave, never come back." I tell her, she just walks out. "Cheryl!" I yell. "Mom." I look up at Jason. "Bud." He walks downstairs. "You and mom are not married anymore?" He ask sadly. "Why?" He ask quietly. "I did something unforgivable. I don't want to talk about it." I whisper. "Will you ever be together again?" I shrug. "I don't know. Go to bed we'll talk in the morning." I motion upstairs. "Ok, it's late you should go to bed." He turns around before going upstairs to his room. I take a deep breath and go to her office.

"Mom." I groan. "Mom!" I look up Jason. "Bud." I squint my eyes my head is slitting. "Sarah and I tried to make breakfast and it blew up in our face. Also why are you on the floor of moms office?" I sit up and look around. "Fuck!" I groan. "What does fuck mean?" I look up at him. "Jason! Go get cleaned up! We'll all go to Pops I need to talk to you guys." I whisper. I stand up and go to my room. I take a shower and try to get my shit together. I walk downstairs and they both are ready. "You guys ready?" They nod. "Ok." I grab my keys and we go to pops. We get there and everything is awkward. "Why isn't Cheryl here?" Sarah ask quietly. "Because we're getting a divorce. At least I think we are." I rub my eyes. "Will we ever see her again?" I shrug. "I don't know Jason. Everything happened so fast last night." I hold back tears. I look down. Pop comes over with our food and we all eat. Once we're done I pay and we go home. "Toni." Sarah pulls my arm. "What's up?" I ask quietly. "Here." She hands me a paper. "It has some stuff." She takes a deep breath. "About what we talked about yesterday." She looks down. I pull her into a hug. "I'll call you whatever you want me too." I whisper. "Is there anything you want to do to help?" I ask quietly. "Well nothing Jason owns fits me, trust me when you and Cheryl were out the other night we had a fashion show where we switched clothes." She laughs. "But I need clothes. Everything I own is pink." I smile. "Any name?" I ask quietly. "I haven't thought that far." She shakes her head. "I'm guessing you want to be called my male pronouns." Sarah looks up at me. "Not till I talk to Cheryl about it." I nod. "We can go shopping after school tomorrow, Jason needs some clothes, so we'll go to the mall." She nods. "Have you talked to Jason?" I ask quietly. She nods. "I had to explain it a million different ways before he understood me." We both laugh. "Yeah, that's Jason." She smiles. I take a deep breath. She starts to walk upstairs but stops. "Also, please try to make things right with Cheryl, Jason was in my room till 5 crying." I look down. "I can't." I whisper. "What happened last night? Be honest." She ask, I forget she's more mature than the average 9 year old. "I slept with someone that wasn't Cheryl." I whisper. "I'm sorry every parent relationship you've had to go through has been a mess." I tell her. "You're not dead." She walks upstairs.