Childhood

7

TONI POV:

I've been staring at the ceiling for a hour now, not being able to sleep. "Mom!" Sarah yells horrified. I quietly and quickly get up and go to her room. "What's wrong?" I try to turn on the light in her room but the light went out. "Is this what's bothering you?" I ask quietly. "Yeah." She whispers scared. "I tried to be strong and keep it off but I couldn't take it." She runs over to me and hugs me. I pick her up. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "You did nothing wrong sweetheart." She lies her head on my shoulder. "Let's go change it." I walk over to the closet near the bathroom, grab a light bulb and go back. I put Sarah down and she clings to my leg. "You're ok." I whisper as I change the light bulb. I turn on the light. "Better?" She nods slowly walking to her bed. "Do you need me to stay?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Ok, call me if you need anything." She nods and rolls over to sleep. I walk back into my room. "Cheryl." I nudge her. She slowly wakes up. "What do you need?" She ask quietly. "Where to a put a dead light bulb?" I ask. "Are you a fucking idiot?" She sits up. "Yeah." She rolls her eyes. "Put it in the fucking garbage!" She insist. "Ok." I walk out and throw it away. I go back. She's already asleep. I take a deep breath, lie down and rap my arm around her. "I love you." She whispers." I kiss her neck. "More." I feel her smile. "How many times do I have to tell you not to wake me up for stupid questions?" She ask jokingly. "Every time I do." I smile. "Go back to sleep." She whispers. I just nod and hold her till she falls asleep. I still do after but you get what I mean. Right? I smile to myself.

"Were you already up?" I ask doing Sarah's hair. "Yeah, and it went out. I thought I could go back to sleep without waking you and I went out, I thought I was fine again but I heard a noise and panicked. I'm sorry." I shake my head and move hair out of her face. "Again! you did nothing wrong." I insist. "I was the one who made Cheryl mad because decided to ask a silly question." I smile and she laughs quietly. "What did you ask?" She whispers. "You had to be there." She smiles. "You ready for your first day of school?" I ask changing the subject. She shakes her head. "No. Why do I have to go but Jason doesn't?" She ask quietly. "He has some development issues and isn't ready yet." She look behind to me. "I'm not ready?" She whispers. "I know, it wasn't my choice. Cheryl and your therapist made the final decision." She looks at me weird. "Why didn't you have a say?" She ask quietly. "I did I just thought you would wait another year but they thought you were ready and sometimes there's no stopping her, this was one those times." I whisper. "I'm not ready though." I nod. "I know, but you need to face this one day, why don't it be today?" I rub her cheek. "Besides it's the first day for everyone, you're not going to be doing much." I tell her, she takes a deep breath and nods. "We already talked to the school about our situation with you and they completely understand so there isn't any you need to worry about." She hugs me. I can tell how nervous she is, her breathing is slow. She's trying to calm her self and it's not really working. "Come on we have to get you breakfast." I start to walk out but quietly realize she's not behind me. I turn around. She just shakes her head. "Come on." She sits down on the floor. "You're not going to school today. You don't need to worry yet." She shakes her head. I sit in front of her. She brings her knees up and tucks her head into them. I go to rub her back but as soon as I touch her she flinches. "Please don't hit me." I stop and realize what's going on. "I'm not going to hurt you." I whisper calmly. She looks up, tears in her eyes. "How would I know?" She ask panicked. My stomach turns. "Because I'm not like your parents. I'm not going to hurt you, trust me. I get what you're going through, I had to go through what you're going through for 18 years." She sits closer, not to close but closer.

"Cheryl, I don't think she's ready for school." I whisper as I sit on the toilet waiting for her to finish taking her medication. She looks at me. "Why? she's going to be fine." I shake my head. "When you were out with Jason I was doing her hair, we were talking about it and she just got scared to the point where she broke down and had a panic attack and thought I was going to hurt her. What if something like that happens at school?" She looks down. "She's fine!" Cheryl shrugs. "Cheryl! You're not seeing it are you!?" I stand up very frustrated. "Why are you forcing her to do something she isn't ready for?" I ask calmly. She looks down. "This is more about you than it is our child!" She takes a deep breath. "Why? Honestly! Why?" I say pissed off. "Because Jason doesn't know how to socialize and I don't want that to happen to her." She whispers. I take a deep breath. "Cheryl, you and I both know that when it comes to Jason there's a lot more going on than us homeschooling him." I whisper. She nods. "It's to late." She whispers. "She goes to school in less than a week." Cheryl says quietly. "How about we call the school and tell them that we're going to try for a few days and see how it goes." I whisper. She nods. "Ok." I kiss her forehead. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" I ask quietly. "Because I didn't want to talk about it." She admits. "Cher." She stops me. "That includes now." She walks out of the bathroom. "Cheryl." I follow her. "Toni please." I nod. "Yeah, of course." I whisper and walk out.