Childhood

22

TONI POV:

"Cheryl I know I have been a shitty wife! I love you! More than anything! I ruined everything and I know that. But our kids need us." I whisper through the phone. "Toni, you cheated on me with my best friend!" Cheryl whispers. "I know, it was the worst thing I have ever done but I love you." I whisper.

I take a deep breath. I look up at Cheryl. "We're really going to do this." I whisper. "Yeah." She whispers sadly. "We don't have to do this." I tell her. "Toni." She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "Where have you been staying?" I ask changing the subject. "I have been at Archies. Because I didn't know where else to go and he let me in." I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I whisper holding back tears. "We're way past that." I look down. "I know. I just love you Cher and I messed up and I know I messed up! Cheryl please is there anything I can do to get you back?" I ask quietly. "Divorce." She gets up, places cash on the table. "That's for my lunch." And walks out. I take a shaky breath and start crying.

Sweet Pea swings the door open. "Toni." He whispers. "Come, come in." I walk into his trailer and sit down. "What's wrong?" He ask sitting next to me. "I ruined everything." I whisper. "With Cheryl?" I nod. "I slept with Veronica." I whisper. He sits back, I look down rubbing my face and groaning. "Holy shit. Veronica?" He laughs. "You've wanted to sleep with her since you met her!" I hit him. "I just ruined my marriage and that's what you're talking about?!" I yell at him. "Sorry. I've never had to deal with my best friend sleeping with her soon to be ex-wife's best friend." I look down. "Have you talked about custody?" I nod. "I'm going to have them most of the time and Cheryl will have them on the weekends. Cheryl doesn't even want to look at me. And the kids don't want to see Cheryl! When they should be with her because she did the right thing and left me!" I get worked up. "Hey!" He rubs my back. "They both know Cheryl is a alcoholic. Well Jason doesn't fully understand but he hates Cheryl for leaving." I start crying. "I hate myself for everything." He pulls me into a hugs. "It's going to be ok." He whispers.

I walk into the office if Jason's school. "Hey, I'm- I'm here for for um Jason Blossom-Topaz." I take a deep breath. "Are you ok ma'am?" The secretary ask quietly. "Yeah." I smile. "I'll call Jason down. You can sit down." I sit down as she calls Jason's teacher. I rub my hand over my face. Holy shit what has my life become? I ask myself. Jason and his teacher come in and Jason runs to me. "Mom." He hugs me. "Hey bud." I look at his teacher. "He spent the day in the corner of the room in a ball having a meltdown." My heart drops. "I'm sorry about that everything is a mess right now." I pull Jason closer. "Sarah is in the car we should get going."

"No!" Jason yells. "Shhh." I hand him the shirt. "Try it on!" I insist. "Ok." He walks into the changing room. I take a deep breath. "Toni." I look up at Sarah. "Do you like it?" She nods. "Yeah it's just a little big." I smile. "Go get the right size I have to stay here with Jason." She nods. "Are you ok?" She ask quietly. "I don't know honestly. I'm numb right now." I whisper. "Ok. I just care about you and Cheryl so I just want to make sure." She walks away. I take a deep breath. "Mom!" I look at Jason. "I don't like it!" I look down. "Toni don't we have therapy?" Sarah ask quietly. "Shit!"

"You and Cheryl..." I look down. "Are you separating." I finish my therapist sentence. "It's all my fault." I whisper. "What do you mean?" She ask quietly. "I slept with her best friend." I sit back. "My life is in shambles! Jason is in between medication! Sarah is thinking about transitioning to male! Everything is a fucking mess." I whisper. "Have you talked to Cheryl?" I nod. "Yeah, we ended our talk with her throwing money in my face and refusing to hear me out or let me pay for lunch." There's a knock on the door. "Yes?" The door slowly opens. "Toni. I finished what do I do now?" She ask quietly. "Just wait." I tell her. She nods and walks out. "Usually Cheryl picks her up." I whisper. "It's ok." She tells me. "She doesn't call you mom." I shrug. "She switches between them." We talk for a while, once we're done I go out to Sarah. "Ready?" I ask quietly. Of course she's asleep. I shake her gently and she jumps slightly. "Where am I?" She looks around. "Let's go home. I have to go out tonight." Veronica might have texted me telling me that she needed me in side her and I might have responded saying I'll be there tonight at 8.

I stroke fast. "Oh, fuck!" I moan. "We really shouldn't be doing this." I whisper. "I know but you're lonely, I'm lonely. You're going to be divorced soon." Veronica whispers in my ear. Why do I keep crawling back to her? I shouldn't be here! She lies on top of me and rides me slowly. "God!" She moans out. "You're so big!" She whispers riding me fast. "Fuck." I moan quietly. I sit up to get more friction. "You're so good!" I moan. I rub her clit. "Toni!" She moans. I kiss her neck. I miss Cheryl, I miss the smell of her perfume, her softly skin, how easy it was to give her a hickey because her skin is so pail, I miss her soft lips, the way she would always make sure I was ok during sex or anything. This isn't right, it never will be. "Toni." Veronica snaps me out my thoughts. "What?" I whisper. "You just snapped out of it for a second." She rides me slowly. "I-I umm, I c- oh shit!" I moan. "W-w-we we need to-." I groan. "God! We need to s-stop!" I cum quickly. "Ahh, fuck!" I lie back. "We shouldn't this really." I whisper. She gets off me. I sit back up and slide the condom off. "Do you have a garbage?" I ask frustrated. "Yeah in the bathroom." She motions to the bathroom in her room. I get up and throw the condom away, I grab my underwear and throw it on. "I should go." I whisper walking over to her. She pulls me closer, pulls off my boxers and sucks me off. I grab her head and thrust into her. "Fuck!" I moan out.

"Toni." I look at Sarah as I walk into the house. "Why are you still up?" I walk into the living room where her and Sweet Pea are watching Tv. "Neither of them have school tomorrow to I just let them stay up. Jason went to bed at his regular time though." I nod. "Ok. Just Sarah go get ready for bed I'll be up there in a few." She goes upstairs as I walk into the living room and sit down next to Sweet Pea. "I'm sorry-." I interrupt him. "I don't really care if they stay up it's just really late." I whisper. "Jason always goes to bed at 9 anyways, he gets really overwhelmed if not." I shrug. "Beer?" He ask quietly. "I've had enough tonight." I sit back. "How was it?" He ask quietly. "Do you even have feelings for her?" I shrug. "I don't know, I couldn't stop thinking about Cheryl. They're so different! I don't know, I have to check on Sarah." I get up. "Has been she acting weird?" He ask concerned. "I'll talk to you in a minute." I go upstairs. I walk into her room. "What's wrong? Sweet Pea says you were acting weird." She bites her lip. "I don't want to talk about it right now." I nod. "Lights on." I nod closing her door. Some nights she still has to have the lights on. I go Jason's room. He's sound asleep, sometimes I'm afraid to wake him up he doesn't always react well, trust me I broke my nose because of him. Not saying he does it on purpose! He just wakes up startled and tends to punch because he gets scared. I sigh. He's to innocent for this world. Honestly if him and Sarah weren't so close he would probably stay with Cheryl during all this. Him and I were never that close, maybe when he was younger, but recently he's attached himself to Cheryl or Sarah. It's fine. "So Sarah why has she been acting weird?" Sweet Pea ask quietly as I walk downstairs. "She's been going some stuff that I really shouldn't be telling you unless she's ok with it honestly." I tell him. "Is she gay?" He ask quickly. "I don't know. But it's more than that." He looks up and it hits him. "Oh, like you?" I nod. "But not because she's intersex! She wants to transition, I didn't want to take testosterone so I just let my body to the more natural thing." He nods. "Yeah I get it." He smiles. "If and when she tells you, just pretend like I didn't say anything." He nods. "Of course!" I sit on the couch, sit back and sigh in exhaustion. "Are you now with Veronica?" He ask quietly. "I don't know." He pulls me into a hug as I start crying. "It's ok." He whispers rubbing my back.

SARAH POV:

I hear talking downstairs and me being me I go to the stairs to listen. I walk down a little and see Sweet Pea holding Toni as she cries. "It's ok." He whispers to her. I rub back up and Jason's staring at me. "Is mom ever coming home?" He ask quietly. "I don't know bud!" We go into my room, I lie down as he just rocks on the edge of the bed. "Jason calms down." I whisper to him. "But I want mom!" He yells. "Shhhhh! We'll see Cheryl soon." I sit up. He lies into me. "I miss her." I rub his back. "I know J."