Two years after a horrible accident, Kinsley's determined to make it through vet school, but she didn't expect to meet country boy Noel McLean who's just as mysterious as he is charming.
***
Kinsley Hastings suffers from PTSD. After surviving a fata...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Kinsley
June eventually fades into July, and then August is on the horizon.
These past couple of months have been difficult for me in many different ways. For starters, when I first arrived home in Winnipeg, not only was I furious with Noel for being so weak, but I was also confused about my feelings for him. Luckily, I knew that I needed to get my head out of the gutter and fix things. I know what it's like to get caught up in your own head, to wallow in every thought that passes through, and I swore I would never let that happen again.
The sessions with my therapist went much better this time around than they did post-accident. For starters, I had no idea how to express my thoughts and feelings in a civilized, organized manner back then. This time, however, I was able to sort everything out to the best of my ability. I told my therapist I was mad at Noel for not having the courage to stand up to his father, that I was mad at myself for falling in love, that I wished I never would have met him.
Then I told her that, at the same time, I also missed having him around, that I was worried about him even though Cole kept on providing me with updates. I wanted to make sure Noel was okay. I also told her that I wasn't a fan of how things ended between us. Just like I do, I'm sure Noel wants to talk to me again. Emotions are complicated, contradictory, and sometimes very difficult to sort through, but I managed.
It was just like my post-accident experience, when I was suffering from survivor's guilt. Sometimes I felt like I was sprinting across a vast field, while other times I felt like I was trudging through the mud in the middle of a rainstorm.
I didn't think I'd be able to learn anything else from my therapist, but I did. She was able to make me step out of my own shoes and into Noel's by discussing his past. I did have to call Cole for some more information on that topic. But when we had the needed facts, I began to realize that none of this is Noel's fault. To be completely honest, if my father had been an alcoholic and an abusive person, I probably would have done the same thing just to save myself the trauma. I did my best to imagine how he would have felt at that moment, when his father threatened him if he didn't give up the keys. I did my best to understand the impact of the previous years.
It was difficult for me to do because of the people I lost in the accident. It clouded my judgement. But when I looked past that and tried a little harder, I managed to. I'm sure my level of understanding didn't do justice for how Noel actually felt, but at least I tried.
In my makeshift scenario, I felt petrified, worried that I wouldn't make it out without another physical injury. I felt ashamed for not being able to stand up to my own father, but relieved that I had avoided another attack.
My heart broke for Noel at that moment.
If anyone knows what contradictory feelings are like, it's me.
And it's because of that very reason that I can no longer be angry with Noel. I can't resent him for what happened. He wasn't driving. He didn't drink. The fact of the matter is, he wanted to do something to stop his father from driving drunk, but things didn't work out for him. I can understand why he would want to avoid violence after seeing the scar on his shoulder, after learning the truth.
