Till The End

Chapter 8 - What Is Love?

He's not saying anything and I'm not feeling good about this. Did I hurt him? Guilt is running down my nerves for hurting him unwillingly. I want to say sorry but afraid of his reaction. Anyway , keeping my fear aside I knock on his desk with the pen in my hand, "Jim", and he just turns at me without saying anything, "I am really sorry . I didn't know that you don't like talking about your family. My intention was not to hurt you."

"It's okay", and he gives a simple reply turning his face away which is continuously breaking me apart from inside. I don't know why I'm feeling so hurt as if I'm currently drowned in an ocean of melancholy. I am just not liking this feeling.

Day passes like this in the college with none of us speaking a single word after the incident.

Going home, my mood is still the same. I wish to talked to Jim but how? This unusual dilemma is something I never had before. Should I call him once..but I don't have his number. God, please show me a way.

"Eila, Keith has opened a group chat in Facebook. Have you seen it?", suddenly Emi comes. 

" No. Not yet", Group chat? Jim might be in there. Is this the way God is trying to show me!

" Then check it out. All students of our class are added there", Emi adds.

" Really!" a clear sign of happiness lines up on my face.

"Yes but why are you suddenly so happy?"

"Is Jim also there?" Shit! I shouldn't have asked this directly.

"A...aa...am I hearing something wrong?" She dramatically rubs her ear. " So Miss. Eila is asking about Jim ,huh?"

"Come on. It's not funny. Actually today....." and I explain the whole situation to her and the atmosphere suddenly turned to a grim one from the cheerful one which was prevailing a while ago.

"I see. So will you now chat with him over Facebook?"

"I am thinking to do so ."

"But wait..are you going to talk to him in the group chat? Inbox him privately", Emi suggests and I guess she's right. Private one sound a good idea than speaking to him publicly.

"But shit! He is not in my friend list. What should I do now?" Tension drapes my face.

"Come on. Send his friend request then" Emi exclaims.

"I want to but I'm not sure if he'll accept it or not", and nervousness again starts working down my nerves. 

"At least try once", I guess Emi's right. Giving a try will not cost anything.

"Okay, I'll give it a try then."

"Eila, Emi . Come for dinner", auntie calls from downstairs with a high voice.

"Coming", Emi informs,"Come now. Mom is calling us for dinner", and she goes out of the room while I search my phone all over the room because I can't remember where I kept it last. Finally I find it under the books on my table. So ...Eila come on. Send him the request. Why my hands are shaking thinking cringe unto myself. Okay fear aside...finally I send him the request and keeping my phone on the table I go for dinner.

"Mom , why is dad not home yet?" Emi asks.

"He'll be late tonight", auntie replies. While we were busy dining Emi has her phone ringing. She picks it up when me and auntie gradually notice her face turning dull. I wonder what's the matter. After almost 15-20 mins she hangs up.

"Who was it?" Auntie questions.

"Mom, it was Jia."

"Is anything wrong?" I ask Emi.

"She had a breakup so she is really depressed right now." I know Jia was dating Woohyun. Though she's not that much close to us but yeah she always tells me or Emi if she is having any problem.

"Who was her boyfriend?" Auntie sounds surprised.

" His name was Woohyun. Jia and Woohyun were Facebook friends . They had an online relationship. It has been just 2 months of them being in relationship", Emi informs in details.

" You teens these days ....", Auntie exclaimes, "Love is not what you all think, that it's only about saying those three words. There are more to it", she explains having a glass of water while I keep staring at her hoping she would say something next. But she isn't.

"Auntie, what is love?" I suddenly question her without thinking anything. I was never interested in this matter or even never bothered myself to know this. But don't know why I feel like asking about it now. A certain feeling in running in my mind, I wanna know what love actually means, how it really feels like when you fall in love and I think she is the best person to answer me.

Before saying she keeps her plate aside and sits with both of her hands placed upon each other on the table. Finally looking at us she starts with a smile,"Love isn't all sunshine and rainbows as you hear or see in movies. Love is getting drenched in the rain with your favourite person", this sounds poetic. "Love is being with someone who allows you to be yourself , yet challenges you at times for your own good because you know that you have to improve. Love is feeling distant and apart only to closen the gap between each other. Love is giving in , not giving up. Love is not only a feeling to be connected in more than one way but also a commitment to love everyday physically and emotionally. Love is not to quit upon each other when the spark is gone but to enlighten it with new flames. True love is to love him when you don't want to, when they aren't the easiest to deal with, when they are hard to love. That's what love actually is. Love is making each other smile and filling each other's lives with growth and happiness", and there I could see a warm smile on her face while explaining while my heart is sinking into a whole ocean of unknown emotion. Is love really like this! She said so many things while my thinkings are getting entangled with each other. I never thought like this. I never thought love to be something like this. There's is pleasure in the pain of love. But why my experience was different! If this is love, then what was that between Mom and Dad!

"Love is nothing but solution of a bunch of emotions", Emi all on a sudden whispers into my ear while I am lost into my own thoughts.

(I hope you are liking it. And yeah one thing, the last line of Emi -"love is nothing but solution of a bunch of emotions" is quoted by my friend; Khalid Hasan Nabil.)