The Path to Love

Chapter 40

I picked up the pen in front of me and laid the first piece of paper down on the counter. Maybe I could just tell dad everything I've done and get him to hire security for them?

No, Sam wouldn't want that.

I picked up the pen and tried to put into words everything I felt.

Dear Sam,

I am so sorry for the pain I caused you. I will never be able to apologize enough for everything that has happened. I tried. I tried so hard to protect you, and I failed. For that, I am so incredibly sorry. I know saying it will never be enough, but you have to know that I never meant to hurt you.

You're probably going to be getting this letter from Xavier, please don't hate him. He's just the messenger for me. He's going to be there to help you through whatever you may need, because I can't. He'll be able to protect you better than I ever could and should have.

I brought you into a dangerous life and I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I never wanted you involved in this life, and if I could take everything back, I would in a heartbeat. I never wanted to put you in this position, ever. There's a reason I didn't tell you about that side of my life, and this is it. I never wanted to lose you, but I already have.

What feels like forever ago now, you told me that if we were to ever sleep together, we would never be able to go back to what we were. I hate to admit it, but you were right. This relationship quickly became something so toxic and draining for the both of us, we tried to make it work and we couldn't. Everyone was expecting us to be this unbeatable couple, but I kept too much from you and you couldn't trust me.

You and our daughter deserve someone better than me. I thought I could be enough for the both of you, but seeing the pain I have caused you, especially today, I can't be selfish anymore.

This is me protecting you, indefinitely. This is the only way I could think of to protect you forever. That is what I plan to do. To stay away.

Thank you for everything you have done for me over the last 13 years of my life. Thank you for the greatest gift of all – our daughter.

I love you so much, Sam. I am doing this because I love you.

Hunter

This would have to do. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough. I didn't know what else to say to fix this. I put Sam's letter off to the side and put the other page in front of me for our daughter. I didn't know how to begin this letter, and I didn't know if I could.

I picked up the pen and put the pen back down.

What would she be like? I wondered. Would she have my brown eyes? Her mother's good looks? My blonde hair? Sam's stubbornness? Who would she look more like, me or Sam?

What do you say to a daughter who you know nothing about? What do you say to a daughter you're choosing to leave? How do you formulate the words to apologize for not being the father she needed?

I picked up the pen again and started to write.

Mae Katherine or Kira Josephine,

At the time I'm writing this, your mother and I couldn't decide on a name for you. We narrowed it down to those two up there, but I don't know if she chose either. I hope she went with one of these, it'll be strange if she didn't, and quite awkward.

This is your dad, Hunter. If you ever want to find me, my full name is Hunter Jackson Thomas. I don't expect your mother to talk about me, and I hope she doesn't. I will probably be CEO of Thomas Industries at the time you are old enough to come find me. I encourage you to do so, only if you want to.

You will never be able to understand why I made the decision to leave. But, please know, I hurt your mother a lot and she didn't deserve any of the pain I caused her. Please don't be mad at her, this is completely my choice and I had to protect you and her. Maybe someday I'll be able to explain it to you. It's okay to be mad at me – I'd be mad at me to.

I have so much love for you already and you aren't even born yet. I'll be keeping an eye on you from afar, and I hope you become everything you aspire to be. You are part Thomas and Dawson; you can and will accomplish anything you can set your mind to.

Shoot for the stars, my daughter. You can be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. You will be amazing.

I love you so much, never forget that. And I am so sorry that I will never be apart of your life the way you may want me to be, the way you need me to be or the way I should be. Please don't take this out on your mother, she's done nothing but try to protect you and love you unconditionally. You have one hell of a mother.

I love you.

Love,

Your dad, Hunter

I sobbed as I finished writing both letters. I didn't care if people in the gang were watching me. This was breaking my heart in two, to say goodbye to both girls that I love endlessly. Maybe part of me was being selfish for making the decision to leave. Sam wanted you gone; I keep reminding myself. She doesn't want you around her or your daughter. You ruined this for yourself. You did this.

"I never wanted any of it to come down to this," I whispered.

I put the letters in envelopes and addressed both.

I never wanted any of this to happen.