Cassidy [A SVU Fan Fic]

Thirty-Seven

Brian managed to get his wife calmed down, but she kept her anxiety away from Brian once she and Annie were released from the hospital. She was scared to death that Elliot knew about her daughter and might try something to get back at her for not letting him be in contact with their boys.

Weeks went by and little Annie Emilia grew bigger and stronger, as her mother grew thinner and quieter.

"God, Annie is so big and strong! Look at her kick those legs!" Amanda smiled, as she and Olivia sat at the park while the boys ran around after school with Amanda's son and daughter. 

"Yeah." Olivia breathed, as she stared at her boys and at the people around the park.

"Liv?" Amanda asked, and Olivia swallowed hard.

"Yeah?"

"You aren't okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I'm just working on taking care of five kids. Annie is very high maintenance as of late." Olivia spoke.

"Yeah? Is she already teething?" Amanda asked, and Olivia nodded slowly as she looked down at her 4-month-old daughter.

"She has one tooth, we were surprised but babies-"

"Liv, I know when babies start teething. I have two kids myself. What else is wrong?"

"Amanda, my hair is falling out again... And I can't sleep at night. I'm not giving Annie enough milk when I nurse her because I'm so anxious." Olivia breathed. She turned to look at Amanda, and Amanda grabbed Olivia's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"You didn't tell Brian, did you?" Amanda asked, and Olivia shook her head.

"I can't tell him because I know he is going to be worried. And even though I love this man with my whole heart, he hovers around when he is worried." Olivia replied.

"Honey-"

"It got bad when I was pregnant with Cassidy. Like, when I first found out I got super anxious and my hair started to fall out because I would tug on it during panic attacks. No one but Fin knew about them, but now I can't even tell him because I'm a grown woman who has five kids and a husband." Olivia frowned.

"Thank you for telling me, Liv. It's important that someone knows so we can help you. So, now I'm going to take Annie and the boys home with me. I'll tell Brian to pick them up after work and I want you to go home and sleep. Or go to the spa or something. Just relax for a bit."

"But I have to-"

"You have bottles of milk in that cooler, Liv. I know you do. You were always very prepared when it came to your boys. Now, go. I've got this."

+++

 Brian left early to surprise his wife and kids, but when he got home and called for his wife and boys, Olivia only came down the stairs. He noticed that her hair was up once again and that she was wearing sweats and an NYPD t-shirt.

"Babe? Were you napping and I woke you up?" Brian asked, and Olivia shook her head.

"No. I haven't been able to nap today... I should be able to since Amanda has the kids." Olivia replied.

"Why does she have our kids?" Brian asked, and Olivia bit her lip before heading back upstairs. Brian sat his stuff down before running up the stairs behind her.

"What's wrong? Babe-"

"Do you remember the day you kissed me..."

"What day? Because I kiss you several times a day. Mostly because your chapstick tastes like berries." Brian replied as he teased his wife a bit.

"The day you kissed me in the laundry room while Joey napped and I was still married to Elliot..." She trailed off. Brian nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I do remember." He replied.

"We were sitting on the park bench before we came back here, and I pulled some hair out of my head. It was stress and anxiety that caused that... and Brian it's happening again."

"Oh." He breathed.

"I can't sleep at night, Bri. I try to sleep. I take medicine, or I take a warm bath or drink tea... nothing works. I haven't slept for more than a few hours a night in 4 months. I slept better when Annie was flipping around inside of me than I do now when I have my body back... I've had to supplement Annie's feedings with formula because I can't give her enough. And I have panic attacks. Really bad ones after you leave for work. And I quit."

"You quit? Us?" Brian breathed.

"Work. I quit. I told Cragen that I couldn't work anymore because I want to watch Annie grow up. I just went back to work but I can't anymore because I don't have enough energy. And I can't do more than the care of our kids but nothing else." Olivia breathed.

"What do you need me to do, because I'll do anything," Brian replied.

"I'm scared that he might come for us even though Bernie says he'll be okay," Olivia spoke.

"Then let's figure out a safe space for us. You, the boys, Annie, and me."

"This house was supposed to be a safe place. And you bought it so we had plenty of space for our kids. For our babies..."

"Don't worry, honey. This house was just pocket change to me. And we can sell it." Brian replied, as he stepped forward and ran his fingers through her hair. As he pulled his fingers out, tears welled in his eyes as he pulled a few of her brown locks away from the rest.

"Please don't think I'm not bea-"

"You are still beautiful even if you don't have any hair. Want me to shave it?"

"It'll be like after I lost my mother..." Olivia laughed softly as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Any hair cut looked hot on you. Now, let's go."

+++

He helped her feel better, even if she was scared he wouldn't be able to help her. But after shaving her head, and getting the boys and Annie, they headed home. Olivia spent the evening with her husband and children and she explained to the boys why she may have seemed different lately. The boys kept telling her over and over again how much they love her.

"So everything will be okay, right?" Cassidy asked, and Olivia nodded as Joey ran his tiny hands over Olivia's short brown hair.

"Yeah, honey. Everything will be okay as long as I always have you all."

Hey guys! So I just finished this... whoops. Like there might be a second one but right now I'm gonna focus on the books I have and the new one I'm going to be starting soon! I hope you are all okay with this. Thanks for reading and for supporting this book even though none of you liked it at the start. Please vote and comment all of your feedback below! :D