Problems

Consequences

Tw:(this is an intense chapter(and no they don't go camping)) degrading thoughts, throwing up, cutting, rejection(ish), blood. (I think that's all but if not let me know)

Roman's POV

Roman sat stunned on the stage as the boy he loved walked out of the theater. As the doors closed all the barriers that he had put up over the last month came crashing down. The thoughts that he had been pushing back, ignoring, became deafening.

'He hates you!'
'You're so ugly, no-one could ever love you!'
'Fat!'
'Weak!'
'You'll never find anyone who would willingly deal with all the baggage you come with!'
'You're no Prince, just a delusional teen!'
'Virgil lied to you, he could never love anyone so broken and annoying as you!'

"-oman, Roman! Listen to me. Roman!" Virgil's voice cut thru the waves of degrading thoughts.

"He hates me." Roman's voice was barely above a whisper.

"He doesn't hate you he just, needs some time to take it in. Logan's not that good with emotions, so he probably has to figure out his feelings on his own."

"Sure......... I'm need to go to the bathroom." Roman stood unsteady and made his way to Patton and Virgil's room. Virgil didn't stop him, knowing that if Roman went to the bathroom he shared with Logan he may meet and with all the confusion going on Virgil didn't want to see what would happen.

"Hey kiddos, how'd it go?" Patton was sitting on his bed, waiting to see how the plan had gone. Roman just continued to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

"Logan kinda walked out after Roman finished. I know it was just so he could think, but sometimes Logan can be pretty bad with emotions and considering how his actions effect others." Roman heard Virgil's voice muffled thru the door.

"How's Roman taking it?" Patton was obviously concerned for his usually over the top friend.

"I don't know. I think he's in shock right now."

Roman tuned them out, the voices returning with a vengeance.

'Useless'
'Weak'
'You don't deserve to eat'
'Fat'

Roman dragged himself to the toilet, ignoring the tiny voice that was crying out for him to stop, and stuck his fingers in his mouth, throwing up into the porcelain bowl. He continued to make himself throw up until he was sure that everything was out of his stomach. As he sat back heavily against the counter, something fell onto the floor in front of him.

He slowly picked up the razor, his thoughts still clouded by the degrading thoughts racing thru his head. He just sat there for several minuets, leaning in the space between the door and the counter, before he slowly lowered the sharp blade onto the fragile flesh of his arm.

Logan's POV

Logan rushed to his room. He had to think. 'Roman holds romantic feelings for me.  Do I return those feelings?' Logan pondered that thought for a minute. He took out a  large strip of paper and taped it to the wall starting two lists. One side read 'likes' while the other read 'dislikes'. Logan stared writing, starting with the likes.

Likes;
Loving
Shows appropriate levels of concern
Understanding
Brave
Strong (physically)
Accepts constructive criticism
Physically appealing
Over exaggerates emotions

Logan looked at the list for a second before starting on the other list.

Dislikes;
Loud
Emotionally fragile
Prone to take things in unintended ways
The belief that he needs to be thin/sickly to be beautiful
Flirts with everyone

Logan looked up from where he sat as Virgil burst into the room.

"Logan, have you figured out your feelings yet?" Virgil appeared quite frantic.

"Yes, I have come to the conclusion that I do in fact hold Roman in the same regard as he holds me, though I am not sure if I a quite as ready as him for a serious relationship." Logan got up, facing the panicked emo.

"Well, you like him, that's probably enough. Now come on, and bring your lock picking kit." Virgil grabbed Logan's arm, pulling the slightly confused scholer along behind him.

"Why do I need my lock picking kit? Is something wrong?!" Logan grabbed the kit and picked up his pace.

"Roman's locked himself in the bathroom and me and Patton heard him throwing up."

"You don't think...." Logan trailed off when he saw the look of confirmation in Virgil's eyes. "Oh no."

They rushed back to the other room, meeting Patton when they entered the room.

"He's been quiet since you left and I'm starting to get worried!" Patton was obviously panicking. "You should try to talk to him Logan, he doesn't seem to be listening to me."

Logan stood at the door and stared addressing the polished wood as though it was the fanciful young man. "Roman, I apologize for walking out, I realize now how that could be taken the wrong way. I just needed time to think. I've never done something like this before and I wanted to make sure that my feeling towards you were, ARE valid. I-" Logan stopped as he heard Patton let out a gasp.

Logan was confused for the second time today, until he followed Patton's gaze to underneath the door. The carpet there was quickly turning scarlet. He grabbed the lock picking kit, thankful that Virgil had had the foresight to tell him to bring it.

"That's not blood is it? Roman's fine, right!? We'll get in there and find him trying to clean up some red dye or tomato sauce. He's got to be alright, right?!?!" Logan gave Virgil a look that said 'he's not ready for what's behind that door'  nodding his head towards the panicking Patton. Virgil quickly caught on to what he was trying to say.

"Hey Patton," Virgil's voice was soft as though he was speaking to a small child or wild animal. "Logan needs to concentrate on order to get the door open, so me and you are gonna go to the other room to wait, ok."

"Ok..." Patton allowed himself to be lead out. As he left Virgil shot a look that said 'you better know what you're doing' at Logan. With the distractions gone Logan started to pick the lock. His hands were shaking. 'Stupid human body. Why must you fail me at the times when I need you to be most reliable. You work when it's Virgil in this situation but not when Roman's the one bleeding out behind the locked door. Feelings really are the bane of my existence."

The lock clicked and Logan immediately pushed at the door. It took some effort to get it open as Roman was slumped up against the door frame. When he finally did get it open he found Roman in a similar situation as Virgil had described finding the princely boy in a couple of weeks after he came, random cuts littering his right arm and a single word deeply engraved on his left. One of the differences was that this time he was unconscious, the razor held loosely in his left hand as blood trickled slowly from the deep cuts. Logan quickly got to work, knowing that he didn't have much time if he was to save his newly realised love interest. As he cleaned the wounds he realised what the word on his arm was.

Worthless.

You don't know how tempted I was to leave it at 'the lock clicked' but I know that my friends who read this book would kill me. So I was looking at the reads for each chapter and is like 9, 14, 11, 7, 11, 6, 7, 4, 10, 12, 6, I mean how do you guys read that makes that happen! Then I realised that it's probably just people skipping chapters because they're staying safe. Which is great, stay safe and don't read stuff that could be harming to your mental or physical health. Another realisation is that the people that I'm talking to probably aren't reading this chapter because ANGST and all that crap.