Anna (Go With Him)

Chapter 20 "Goodbye Laura"

Anna's P.O.V.

It was shocking and devastating. I couldn't look at him in the eyes after that. I supposed they called our parents; within the next 24 hours the hospital was a mess. Not only our parents were there, but also a lot of friends from our schools. The guy who was driving died too, and I didn't know how to feel about that though it was shocking as well. I saw Christina at the hospital only once, and she didn't show any emotion; she didn't care her "lover" just died. She was annoyed-as always-she was complaining she wanted to go home.

After a few days I was finally home. It was the worst weekend I've ever had, and yet some emotional nightmare was about to haunt me coming back to school on Monday. I know what I'm talking about. How could I forget about this? Laura would come to my mind on every breath I'd take, but at school it would be the hardest thing ever. Then there's John. I wanted to pretend we were strangers. His pain was my pain, and sometimes I think I can not handle too much.

October 16, 1957.

Today's Sunday. I haven't seen any of my friends except for Abby; she would come to my house every day to make me some company during my recovery. I couldn't be more thankful that she didn't go to that nightmare trip with us. Today was Laura's funeral. I needed to find the strength to attend. It took me a lot or courage to get up from the bed and get ready; she came to my mind every time I looked in the mirror. The last image I had of her was overwhelming, and I was expecting to feel the same when the time to see her in her open casket would come.

Abby and I arrived a little late. As I said, it took me a lot of courage, and I had a cast on my ankle which made me walk slower. John was the first person I saw there. He was pale. His thin lips were not as pink as they used to be. He was looking down to his hands as he was listening. I wanted to run to his arms, and give him all of my love. I wanted to say hi, and support him but...I thought it was not the appropriate time.

"John, we're so sorry for your loss" Said Abby as we walked closer.

I thought she saw my face; I thought she noticed how I was dying inside to talk to him. or did she...do it on purpose?

He looked up at us. "Thank you, Abby..." He said. He did not look at me did he? Why?

"I'd appreciate being alone. If you understand, Abby" He told her as he went back to his praying position.

"No problem, John. We're here if you need anything" She told him as we walked away.

Abby suggested we sat at the back; she did it because she knew me too well. It hurt me. It hurt me that he's treating me that way. As if I don't exist to him, as if he doesn't care about me, and as if he hates...me? I don't understand him. Why me? Why is he acting like it's my fault? He's hurting my feelings. That day he asked me "Are you okay, Anna?" He was worried about me. Then what changed? What did I do to him? Is it because it was my birthday trip? It was for both of us in that case. We had developed a close friendship; we enjoyed each other's company just when we thought we couldn't stand each other back when we just met. There was something going on between us before we met Laura. Is he blaming me because I introduced him to her? I wouldn't doubt it. I'd understand he's mad at the whole world because he's going through a bad time in his life. He lost someone he loved a lot. He lost someone that truly loved him the way he deserved. She was his girlfriend, his company, his best friend, and his everything. The reason this hurts even more is because I'm in love with him. I don't care she's the one he's in love with, but I do care about him and our friendship. I wanted to support him like that time Christina cheated on him. I knew this time it was way different, but I was just hoping he'll let me hold him in my arms.

The moment I feared had come. I had to say goodbye to Laura, but just the thought of seeing her pale skin made me shiver. I wish I could remember her like the last time I saw her smiling, and I somehow refused to believe she was gone.

I walked to her casket slowly. I was already crying before I got one inch closer. There she was. It was as shocking as I expected. She was wearing a white velvet dress with tiny flowers in her collar bone. She was wearing velvet gloves as well. She looked like a princess. The most beautiful princess I've ever seen. I stroked her cheek; her cheeks were not naturally pink like they used to be. They put a lot of makeup on her. Her red curls made me cry even more because...that was the first thing I saw when I met her. I'm going to miss her. I didn't want to remember her like this, but I had to see her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Laura. My friend... John's beloved girlfriend. It should have not been you. I felt a few selfish thoughts crossing my mind like: why did you have to switch with Christina? Why did you have to come with us? You'd be here alive. I wish I could get back in time, and tell her how much I love her. I was thinking of the promise she made me keep. I'm so sorry...I can't do that. If only you knew...John doesn't even like me anymore.

I was there holding her hand for a few more minutes until Abby poked on my shoulder as she whispered something.

"Anna. It's John's turn, and he wants some privacy"

I turned around. I wanted to meet his eyes when he was standing at the back, but he looked away; it was obvious that he didn't want me there.

"I'll go now" I said as I stroked Laura's hand one more time. "I will never forget you. I'm sorry I can't keep the promise"

Abby helped me walked away with my crutch. It took forever, but John waited patiently standing at the back of the room which was now empty.

As soon as Abby and I walked out, I saw him walk eagerly towards her. He burst into tears with his head on her chest. He was crying very loud at this point. He held her hands as he apologized for not meeting her sooner. I couldn't keep watching that...I told Abby to get me out of there as fast as she could.

                  ********************************

Monday came. I was nervous to go to school. I wanted to see him, but I didn't want to see him reject me either. It was going to be hard to see him in class, and pretend like we were strangers... I wish I could understand why he hates me so much.

I sat far away from him this time, but it wasn't helping. I could still see him depressed...his eyes looked tired and sad. He didn't talk. He wasn't the student he used to be. He's quiet, and he ignores me of course.

I was going to do something against my dignity. I was crazy? Maybe, but I had to do it. I wanted to know why he was being like this to me, or at least why the hate. I'm Anna. I always need answers.

"Hey John" I called him as I sat down across from him right behind the library where we used to meet.

He looked up at me; he wasn't happy I talked to him.

"What do you want?" He was mean. The tone he used with me explained everything.

"I just wanted to...check on you. How are you?"

Oh Anna. Let him punch you, would you?

"Leave me alone okay? Don't ever talk to me" He said angrily before he got up and left.

I sat there confused. I was crying again, and the worst thing is... I will talk to him again. This is not over John Lennon