Anna (Go With Him)

Chapter 28 "Julian and me"

John's P.O.V.

February 10, 1961

I must have suffered the cruelest panic attack ever because I don't remember how exactly I got on my bed after that. All I knew was I couldn't sleep at all. How did it happen? And why do I feel so helpless with this?

Coward

That's what I am. I couldn't even face it with her parents, and I don't find another explanation. I feel like I'm going to mess that up too. I could sound like a total asshole, but I might need to stay away from her now more than ever. She's been way better off without me...and so they'll be okay with me not being around.

If I said I was afraid...no one could ever believe me.

I hated to see her with him. It was going to be hard...I wanted to punch myself more than I wanted to punch him.

I didn't have any sleep that night; I was my own real nightmare.

"John!"

I jumped scared. I was tired as hell. I couldn't find peace on my mind, but I was very aware.

"Abby?" I peeked through my window to reveal Abby holding her little girl. At least I knew she wouldn't murder me in front of her child.

"Come down"

It took me a few minutes to decide on whether I should hide like the coward I am, or go and see whatever she had to say. I walked slowly to the bathroom, and washed my face twice. I didn't want to show I spent the night up, but my eye bags were there to make it obvious. I made her wait almost ten minutes outside before I came out.

"John... finally" She yawned. It was very early in the morning.

"Hi, Abby" I looked down.

"Rough night, huh?"

"...who told you?"

"Julian called me"

"How is she?"

"She's leaving the hospital today"

"Oh..."

"John, you ruined her life"

"I know... that's why I thought you came here to kick my ass"

"I'm not here to do that. We're adults. I didn't come here to scold you like a child either. I did because I want to ask you, what are you going to do with this situation?"

"No idea. I'm an asshole"

"You just noticed?!"

"I've been thinking that maybe it'd be best if I sort of...back off, and let her be with Julian" I sighed.

"Sure that sounds good, but your seed is going to remind her the rest of her life that you wrecked her"

"What should I do then?"

"Leave for a while. Maybe you both just need time...then later you and Anna can come to good terms for the baby, but for now just leave her alone. I've been there...I know what it takes" She said staring at her girl's hazel eyes.

"For how long...?"

"That's up to you. Remind Paul about Annabelle's doctor's appointment at 5 if you see him. Goodbye, John" She said before walking away.

She left me there thinking. I could always come back. Anna could forgive me someday. This doesn't mean I'm not taking responsibility. I've been responsible before, ain't I? I just wish I could remember when we conceived.

"Sure, thanks for making clear that babies are responsibilities" I mumbled as I watched her walk away.

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